ï»And you thought the European Union was all pen-pushers, tedious trilingual debates and the occasional fruit-based controversy.

How wrong you were. It turns out the EU decides way, way more important stuff, like how to deal with climate change and whether chemicals are allowed in toys and, er, how much cinnamon to sprinkle on a Brussels-approved bun.

And if those burning issues don't motivate you to vote in European Parliament elections on May 25, then goddammit some deranged Danish thug is going to come to your house, rough you up and sling you headfirst into the polling booth himself.

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