Dear Security Idiots,

It's not that Bob is scruffy, therebye inducing you to hassle him. It is not that Bob almost certainly has a documented history of illegal drug use. It's not that his obviously dissident lyrics make him exempt, nor is it the fact that you either do know or should know his lyrics nor is it the fact that he is a muslim the reason why I am pissed at you for hassling him, Bob Dylan.

My main problem with you people is that you are dicks. To everyone, not just Bob Dylan.

Dicks as in the word that often follows "bags". Put them together and you have the fact that you guys are dick bags.

Dick+Bag=you guys.

Therefore:

you-Dick

I am pissed off with our federal government.

I have scruffy hair and I'm an activist and I never get hassled at airports and for all I've done, I never even got a "sneak and peek" or a wire tap that my technology was able to pick up on and this sucks.

Everybody else gets the attention and whisked off to jail and surrounded by big, hunky, good looking men who torture them and drug them and shove things up their butts.

When does my turn come? Hey NSA and DHS guys, I got all my own torture gear. Some really nice stuff. Please make me confess. I want to confess but I want the whole benefits package plus you have to wear this costume I got picked out for you.

Oh man I am such an idiot, I just reviewed what I wrote and I'm so sorry.

I had no idea your wife was looking. I assume now that it's just you and me. Nobody else.

It's time we just recognized some things. I think our secret is out in general terms, but I'm glad we got past he old days when we used to just shoot the women and children. Fuck the heteros. Randy Weaver's kid and wife would have just produced more breeders.

Ditto with Koresh. One dick wasting himself with all those women and producing all those children. You did the right thing by exterminating their whole breeder-ass line.

Keep it up my heroic cowboy. We'll have sausage down to .20 a bushel in no time.

Stupid cops...I think what I am going to do is buy enough copies of the Constitution for each officer in my town, one big framed copy of the "Bill of Rights" Walk into the police station... Hand these to the police chief and remind him...Ignorance is no excuse for breaking the law (trampling on an American's Rights)....

Side note:  if I am ever asked for ID by a cop….

1. Dude! Don’t you recognize me? I'm Keith Richards (could have worked for Bob)

2. Q: What is your name? A: Puddin' n' tain Ask me again I'll tell you the same 

Oyate!!! I  totally love and admire you now!!  lol