The Advantages Of Marrying One's Household Appliances

08-07-2010 • Anne Loucks

Since Prop 8 is spinning in people's minds right now, I was reminded of my sarcastic send up of the gay marriage debate, and thought folks here might approve: A Toast To Love by Anne Loucks Do not believe it is impossible to marry someone of the same sex in the United States. This is simply a lie. It is possible, and has always been so. One may marry anything: dogs, cats, clouds, toasters, and plush toys, to name a few. At present, however, our government refuses to recognize such unions, and so if you decide to marry your toaster, all the legal paperwork must be done up front. Your toaster should be explicitly authorized to visit you in the hospital. It needs to be mentioned in your will as the recipient of your earthly possessions. Of course, a toaster cannot fend for itself, and is entirely within your care, so if you are to keep your spouse in good hands after you have passed away, you should be certain to provide for its continued maintenance and housing. This will b