Dear American Public,

One might argue that it wasn't a mag but a prosthetic phallus. One might argue that lots of security guys carry prosthetic phalli that look like firearms or associated hardware. These aren't substantially different from some of the creepy toys you people use, we know, we go through your underwear daily and find this stuff.

See you libs just want to tear these great men and women who are serving our country down. What you are really doing is victimizing physically disabled persons who can't get it up. That's why backscatter is so important. It's designed to create not only a safe end enjoyable workplace environment but a therapeutic one as well. So all you are really doing is selfishly withholding your nakedness from someone who really needs it. Which is the very last thing we expected from you liberals. 

At TSA we encourage our many fine employees to practice fondling at home, driving to work and even on routine flights. We stand by and continue to support our agents fondling guns, ammo, you or each other at any time and at any place because you never know when terrorists are going to strike next.

-The TSA