Here are the headlines:

Deportations To Begin;

Markets sink as trade war looms;

President Trump calls for tripling of ICE force; riots continue;

US soldiers refuse to kill ISIS families;

New libel law targets 'absolute scum' in press.

Fair enough. The Globe found a way to increase its circulation, at least for a day. The editorial page people had a few drinks and cooked up a cutting satire.

For the sake of balance, a fake Hillary front page is in order, and I'm stepping into the breach. The Globe is free to use my work. I didn't need a drink. The headlines wrote themselves:

President Hillary: 'Guess what? I'm Dick Cheney on badder steroids';

President Hillary assures nation she'll find a new war 'right away, better than Libya';

Hillary: 'I love the smell of Benghazi in the morning';

President Rodham Clinton admits she and Bill had long death list—states, 'What difference, at this point, does it make?'