We take no pleasure in typing this internet article, but the evidence doesn't lie: Ivanka Trump is almost certainly a Moloch-worshipping weirdo who is going to get us all killed — or worse, force us to buy her dumb clothes. 

With the ascendance of public relations, glossy magazines specifically designed to murder brain cells, and cosmetic dentistry, we inhabit a world that delights in self-soothing images and scorns anything that might unsettle our McDonald's-filled stomachs. 

In this context, Ivanka Trump is Peak Photoshop — she's a manufactured image of human perfection which, once deprived of its artificial layers, evaporates.

Ivanka is a lovely, articulate woman who even has a daughter who can recite ancient Chinese hip-hop. Her appeal is undeniable.