Worshipping The Military and Smiting the In-fiddle

06-08-2011 • InformationClearingHouse.info

“And now, brethren, I want to introduce you to one of our own warriors for Christ, Willy Bill Bedford, who is just back from the heathen land of Afghanistan, and wounded—wounded, brethren!--smiting the in-fiddle for Jay-suss. Willy Bill, will you come up and testify?” Willy Bill was a big, chunky kid with a sloping forehead you could have used to bank a turn in a motorcycle race, and about every other tooth was missing so he looked like a piano keyboard. His left arm was in a cast. “Willy Bill,” shouted Reverend Osfeiser, “Tell your brothers and sisters in Jay-suss how you been doing the Lord's work.” Willy Bill seemed uncomfortable but he sort of scrunched up his courage and said, “Yeah, well. OK, Reverend. Well, we was out in Litani Province and there was twelve of us in a Humvee with 'bout a thousand rounds each of seven-six-two and a sack full of Bibles an'...” The reverend roared, “And tell the brethren why you had Bibles, the inerrant perfect word of God, with you!” “Oh, yeah. We belong to Bible Spreaders, we try to bring Moslems to know Jesus, you know. BS is real important to us, so we always....” “You hear that? Bringing souls to God!” “Well, we came to Awali, that's this village, maybe three hundred sand-nig—Taliban and their kids, all dirty and livin' in mud huts because they don't love Jesus and the kids there beg for something to eat because they don't know that beggin' ain't right. Well, we told them to get away and smacked them around a little because they might be suicide bombers, you know, and you could just tell the grown-ups hated us for our religion and our freedoms and all, and then we heard a rifle go off. Well, they ain't supposed to have rifles. So the lieutenant called in a air strike and a couple of sixteens came in, and whoom, they just smacked the livin' dog-snot out of those fuckers and.....” “Now, Willy Bill, don't be using language like that. Do you think Jay-suss talked that way? It's a sin.” “I'm sorry, Reverend. I won't do it again. I don't want to commit no sin. Anyway, it was a good strike, killed almost everybody although a few was left screamin' and makin' a fuss and women was huggin' kids or what was left, I mean, how much sense does that make? I guess they learned their lesson. So we went through and left Bibles on top of some of the dead ones so whoever found them would come to Jesus and then I fell off the Humvee and broke my arm.”

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