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News Link • WAR: About that War

'Klaatu Barada Nikto!' - by Butler Shaffer

• Butler Shaffer via

If you want to protect your life – and those of your children and grandchildren – you’d better memorize this phrase. It may save you from a threat apparently being voiced at NASA: an attack from another planet somewhere in the vastness of our universe. Why might such an assault be forthcoming? Because we humans have not heeded the warnings of Al Gore! Our carbon-based activities could spread their deadly influence to other planets which, for the sake of their own survival, might lead them to decide to destroy our planet. This would be done, of course, as an act of "preventive war," a proposition that has caused Boobus Americanus to embrace the Bush-Obama doctrine of declaring war against anyone on the planet. If such a notion provides sufficient cause for Americans to unfurl their flags against the rest of the earth, why wouldn’t it equally justify an attack by the forces of the planet Zanyptikon? We might even find ourselves targeted by an alliance of other planets! At this point, there may be those who will argue that having the earth obliterated as an act of self-defense by other worlds is less objectionable than having it destroyed in order to make way for a planned intergalactic highway.

I know what you’re thinking: Shaffer is just rattling our cage; not only is there no factual basis for supposing such an attack, there is no evidence – not even among the Cassandras at NASA – of any life existing beyond the planet Earth. After the absurdity of this claim became evident to intelligent minds, its apparent author – describing himself as a post-doctoral employee of NASA – admitted that it had been "a horrible mistake" to "have listed my affiliation as ‘NASA headquarters.’" This is the sort of mea culpa often heard from members of the political classes whose peccadilloes have been made public. Perhaps this man – having seen how much mileage had been obtained by those who triggered intra-planetary wars with lies, forged documents, and visions of mushroom clouds over American cities – decided to get in on the game. After all, if Al Gore could make so much headway with the chattering classes with his scientifically unfounded allegations of global warming having been caused by SUVs, why not take the charade to the next level? 

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