Comedy Central host Jon Stewart Thursday chided MSNBC pundits for declaring that Mitt Romney had defeated Rick Perry in Wednesday night’s Republican presidential debate at the Reagan Library.
“When will the pundits get that this is not a race for the presidency of Pundit-town?” Stewart asked. “Media, you’re thinking about this with the wrong part of your brain — the brain part. They were sure that Perry made a devastating conceptual error based on a ill-chosen framing of a popular entitlement program, and that the audience would rebuke him for his gaffe. Well, guess what? Reagan Library, it ain’t a reading library.”
“The biggest applause line of the night was the mere mention that Rick Perry had executed 234 people,” he noted. “Holy fuckballs!”
“By the way, some of them may be innocent but look at this crowd. This is not your torch and pitchfork angy villagers. These are people with firm opinions on which is the best brand of riding mower. The audience at this debate were the people that give out raisins on Halloween. And yet, they thirst for blood.”
Stewart added that the “sophisticated and presidential Romney” had no idea how to connect with the people in attendance, but Rick Perry had wooed them with three simple words: “I hate cancer.”
“The Republicans have a choice between a guy with a multi-point, fact-based plan that he thinks could get the economy going or a guy who will punch cancer in the fucking face!” Stewart exclaimed.
“All due respect to both Romney and the citizens of Talkingheadsylvania, but you’re up against something you are too smart to understand. Let me break it down and I will use big words so you can get it. In the presence of Republican voters, Rick Perry actuates a neuroendocrine reaction the reroutes any analytic frontal cortex activity as a hot wave of electrochemical impulses, stimulating their proto-reptilian limbic system.”