Since Ice Ages arrive with considerable regularity (speaking in geologic time frames), and the next one is in fact due, they probably should have stuck with “Plan A.”

Will these self-righteous zealots now agree in advance, based on their own statistically absurd “man-made greenhouse gases make all the difference” argument, that if and when temperatures do start to dip, the only way to stave off the Big Chill is to burn all the coal we can?

Why do I suspect not?

Or -- if they hate coal and oil so much -- will these modern flagellants instead endorse building hundreds of clean new nuclear power plants?

Oh dear. That’s another “No,” isn’t it?

Let’s see: Windmills are out because they kill birds and interfere with TV reception. We could try a million little gerbil-powered treadmill generators, I suppose. But the Greens’ PETA division would immediately brand us animal slavers, before we even get to the problem of gerbil flatulence pollution.

Come on, admit it: These people think the electricity that runs their PCs and hybrid golfcarts is manufactured by elves in hollow trees, don’t they?

“Clearly, we are not undergoing man-made global warming. We may not even be undergoing global warming at all,” writes in correspondent Corbett C.

“But why are politicians so interested in embracing this theory? Is it because the French & Germans hate us so much that they are willing to further injure their own economies in order to hurt ours? I don’t think so. I think global warming is about providing cover for politicians.

“Politicians know that the world economy is about to collapse,” Mr. C. continues. “They’ve been piling up debt & devaluing currency for almost 100 years. They know it is about time to pay the piper. The question a politician has to be asking is how to escape the blame for the coming economic disaster.

“How better than to blame it on something that is not going to happen? ‘Sure, your standard of living is in the toilet, but which would you rather have -- a poor economy or the earth devoid of life? And by the way, we politicians are heroes because our quick action has saved the planet.’

“That’s why GWB has jumped on the global warming bandwagon. (That & the fact that he sees yet another way to plunder the American people to give handouts to big business in the form of ethanol subsidies.) And that is why we’re going to keep hearing about global warming, even as the climate becomes cooler. ...”

Maybe. Though the desperate desire of a Grecian Formula political class that doesn’t even recognize a supermarket price scanner to demonstrate they’re hip to the latest jive of the young people may be a simpler explanation. Pay a little lip service, play to the crowd, hope by next year they’re back to saving the whales. Tell us again which Dylan tunes were your favorites, President Carter?

“Sir: Some 30 years after the panic of globaloney cooling (see Newsweek articles in 1975) we now have the panic of globaloney warming caused by mankind,” adds Marc J., who reports earning his Ph.D. from UCLA.

“Greenland was green from the 10th to the 14th century; sunken tropical forests in Siberia and Alaska are the source of those huge petroleum and natural gas fields. ...

“On an average day there is in the air about 10,000 parts per million (ppm) of water vapor, and about 200 ppm of carbon dioxide. The rise of 100 ppm in the latter, with its thermal absorption of about one quarter that of water vapor, will therefore influence any increase in warming by some one-quarter of one percent.

“In other words, the carbon dioxide projected increase due to human activities, if it occurs, will be negligible in any warming or cooling trends in the foreseeable future.

“There is a ‘Global Warming Petition’ (see Internet) to the government, signed by more than 19,000 independent scientists, that states ‘There is no scientific evidence that human release ... of greenhouse gases is causing or will, in the foreseeable future, cause catastrophic heating of the Earth’s atmosphere and disruption in the Earth’s climate. ...’

“The government-paid scientists ... are in my experience 90 percent private enterprise rejects who enjoy the prospects of ruling over the free people while nationalizing our corporations, telling us how to live in bondage to their dictates. ... Watch how the Hollywood rich lefties will confer the Oscar on that panic-mongering political fraud Al Gore this coming Sunday.”

Next time: Let’s give a little rope to a typically silly Green critic, and see what he does with it.