Parasitic Blimps Threaten Crime Spree

Most Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) recipients recently got emails or texts warning them that their monthly SNAP payments would not be made for November because Congress hasn't approved them. A number of them have posted videos of themselves in which they threaten to steal food.

"I'ma tell y'all straight up like this, I just got that text that the link is definitely cut the f–k off for November. Y'all better stay the f–k out of my way in these stores because I'm walking out with carts and I'm not paying for s–t," one posted on TikTok.

Another said "you know what? Since they wanna take food stamps away, I'm gonna go to f–king Walmart, grab anything I damn want, put that s–t right in the basket and walk right up out that b—h … I'm not paying for a damn thing."

A third expressed outrage saying "the email I got says I got to work 20 hours a week to get SNAP since I'm called 'able bodied.' I don't want to work. Slavery was abolished a hundred years ago. They can't make me work. It's the taxpayers' job to pay taxes so I can eat."

President Trump observed that "if you have the energy to steal you have the energy to work. Fill out a job application at Walmart and start carrying your own weight. I'd also like to point out that the Republican majority House has passed the necessary continuing resolution to fund government programs like SNAP, but the Democrat minority in the Senate refuses to end their filibuster and vote for this resolution. If you disagree with this blockade of nutritional supplements call Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer at (202) 224-6542 and tell him to vote to reopen the government."

Phil Fuller, a drug addict living under a bridge in New York City, called Trump "delusional. I weigh 500 pounds. It takes all the energy I have just to eat and get high. I haven't any time to spare to work for Walmart or anybody else. When Mamdani gets in he's going to take Trump's billions, give me a decent home, and feed me for free from a city-owed grocery store."

Kamala Wants Lower Voting Age

Former Vice-President and unsuccessful Democrat nominee for president in 2024 Kamala Harris wants the voting age to be lowered from 18 years-old to six-years old. "Look, the children of today fear that climate change will wipe out their future," she said. "They will be the biggest victims of the catastrophic damage done by global warming. They should have a voice in choosing who will be making climate policy. The only way this can be accomplished is to enable them to cast ballots for the Democratic Party."

"By the age of six most children are in school and learning to read," she pointed out. "Their teachers are also orally presenting information detailing the destructive consequences that will follow from the laissez-faire energy policies of the MAGA Republicans. These same teachers could help students fill out their ballots, collect them, and drop them off at polling places."

"Democrats and socialists are the only ones offering sensible reforms to combat this looming disaster," Kamala added. "We are ready to mandate replacing gasoline vehicles with electric vehicles. We are ready to shutdown coal, gas, and nuclear power production and replace them with clean solar and wind-generated electricity. The naysayers who want to block progress cleverly fail to acknowledge that it is the sun which makes life on Earth possible and that for thousands of years oceangoing vessels were solely powered by free and nonpolluting wind. We can reclaim these lost arts. But this won't happen if we exclude the most affected generation from having the ballots they need to force a change in policy."

Dem Says "MAGA Won't Like Who President AOC Kills"

Ranking Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee Rep. Jim Himes (Conn) took issue with the Trump Administration policy of having the US Navy blow up drug smugglers boats, saying "Sen Graham (SC) and other Republicans say it's okay to kill suspected drug smugglers, just so long as the American public supports it. What will they say when President Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez orders a strike on a MAGA demonstration or suppresses the speech of individuals who disagree with her policies? Do they really want to establish a precedent that the president can do whatever he or she wants?"

"What precedent is he talking about?" Graham asked. "President Obama ordered a drone strike on a US citizen then bragged 'it turns out I'm really good at killing people. I didn't know that was gonna be a strong suit of mine'. President Biden used government agencies to intimidate social media companies to censor the free speech of individuals who opposed his covid policies. Democrats already established the precedents."

Himes said "Graham is trying to say two wrongs make a right. This is twisted ethics. The things that Presidents Obama and Biden did were in the past. They can't be undone. The things that Trump is doing are going on now. They can be stopped."

Meanwhile, Sen. Mark Kelly (D-Az) warned that "US military service men and women may face war crimes trials for following Trump's orders to blow up drug smuggling boats. Congress hasn't declared war on these smugglers. That means the President's orders to attack them are illegal. As the prosecutions in Nuremberg after World War II demonstrated, soldiers and sailors who carried out illegal orders from Hitler or other Nazi officials were also found guilty of war crimes and punished. Our soldiers and sailors need to have the courage to refuse to obey Trump's illegal orders lest they end up in prison or be executed along with him themselves."

Dems Out of Touch with Voters

A poll released by Welcome, a center-left group, found that 70% of voters think the Democratic Party is out of touch with the issues that matter most to them. These issues are "making healthcare more affordable" (74%); "creating jobs and economic growth" (74%); "cutting taxes on the middle class" (66%); "lowering the rate of crime" (56%); and "securing the border" (53%). The issues garnering the lowest level of support from poll respondents were "protecting illegal immigrants" (23%), "hiking taxes to increase spending on social programs" (24%), and "protecting LGBTQ+ rights" (25%).

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (D-NY) asserted "defending the rights of the lowliest members of society is a key obligation of a democratic socialist government. Both undocumented migrants and the LGBTQ+ community clearly fit into that category. The problem with the so-called 'bread-and-butter' issues is that too many of the folks who care about these issues are racists and homophobes who voted for Trump. These issues are already well represented by the Republican Party. Traditional Democrats need to understand that we can't compete for these kinds of voters. Socialism is the wave of the future. All Democrats should be united in riding this wave to victory in 2026 and beyond."

Cuomo Inadvertently Tips Scale Against Himself

Former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo overestimated his value to NYC when during a speech to elderly voters he threatened to move to Florida if he loses the mayoral election. "I have spent my adult life in public service to New York," he said. "I feel you owe me your vote. I'm the only one who can defeat the corrupt socialist who polls show will win if I don't. If you screw me over by voting for someone else, I'll return the favor by permanently relocating to Miami."

After hearing Cuomo's speech, a Jewish voter from Brooklyn turned to his wife and asked "why is he talking like a gangster? Is he a gangster?" His wife replied "I don't know. Although I did hear that he was responsible for sending thousands of oldsters like ourselves to their death in nursing homes during the pandemic." "Now I wish I hadn't voted for him," her husband lamented.

Republican candidate for mayor Curtis Sliwa said "Cuomo's blunder could be the break I've been waiting for. I knew that his over sized ego would comeback to bite him. I just wish he would've made this mistake a few weeks ago before so many ballots had already been cast. Anyway, win or lose, I'll always be a New Yorker. I love the City and will fight for it until the day I die."

A confident Zohran Mamdani has proposed "converting the title of mayor to emir. It sounds similar and is more suitable for what the future holds for the city under my rule. All women, including trans women, will be required to wear concealing clothing while out in public so as not to tempt men to rape them. All food will be halal so everyone can eat in confidence that it is pure. Martyr supply vending machines will be installed in all subway stations so faithful Muslims can easily acquire the explosives, firearms, and knives so they can more spontaneously engage in jihad. These are just a few of my first thoughts. Allah willing, I hope to have many more on our collective journey to paradise."

Dem Seeks Pledges to Tear Down Trump's Ballroom

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY), former White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, former First Lady Hillary Clinton, former First Daughter Chelsea Clinton, and CBS late-night host Stephen Colbert have called President Trump's $250 million privately funded construction of a White House ballroom a "desecration of a historic structure."

Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif) has gone even further and is now telling prospective Democrat 2028 presidential candidates "don't even think of seeking the Democratic nomination for president unless you pledge to take a wrecking ball to the Trump Ballroom on DAY ONE of your presidential term on January 20, 2029."

It's not that a ballroom, per se, is a bad idea. President Obama has complained that "having to host foreign dignitaries in tents pitched on the White House lawn was an embarrassment." Inexplicably, the modification he made to the White House when he was president did not address this problem. Instead, he spent $376 million to build a basketball court so he could shoot hoops with fellow basketball fans.

In 2010, Donald Trump contacted Obama's senior adviser David Axelrod and offered to build a White House ballroom at his own expense. "That was before I ever thought I'd be entering politics," Trump recalled. "Using tents to host state dinners is a crummy idea. Guests in formal wear shouldn't have to traipse over the lawn, eat in tents, and use outdoor latrines. Excessive heat or rain in the summer, cold or snow in the winter can lead to disaster. But my offer was never seriously considered even though such a facility could've benefited presidents of either party for many years into the future without costing taxpayers a single cent." Obama's Press Secretary Josh Earnest remembers mocking Trump's offer, saying "we all thought it was an attention seeking gambit."

Swalwell went on to lambast the private funding aspect of Trump's ballroom, calling it "a monument to corruption. I don't disagree that a ballroom would be useful, but it should be built using public funds just like President Obama's basketball court was. If President Alexandra Ocasio Cortez wants a ballroom she can appropriate a billion dollars of public funds for its construction right after the Trump structure is torn down. The use of public funds will ensure that there is no corruption involved."

The Washington Post, a reliably Democrat partisan paper, called Swalwell's demand "silly. Privately, many alumni of the Biden and Obama White Houses acknowledge the long-overdue need for an event space like what Trump is creating. It is absurd that tents need to be erected on the South Lawn for state dinners and that VIPs are forced to use porta-potties. Aren't Democrats the Party of 'free stuff?' There is no good reason to reject President Trump's generosity in this matter."