President
Nominates Senator Kerry for Secretary of State Job
President
Barack Obama tabbed Senator John Kerry (D-Mass) as the person he
wants to succeed the ailing Hillary Clinton as the nation's Secretary
of State. While the move was not unexpected, the President said “it
is imperative that the transition be accelerated before Secretary
Clinton's memory loss becomes too severe and the encroaching
dementia of an elderly woman erases or muddles vital knowledge that
needs to be passed on.”
The
President also cited the recently released report critical of massive
dereliction of duty by key State Department personnel in the
September terrorist attack on the Benghazi Consulate as a spur to
action. “The forced resignations of Eric Boswell, the assistant
secretary of state for diplomatic security, and Charlene Lamb, the
deputy assistant secretary responsible for embassy security
demonstrate a failure of leadership in this important function of
government,” he said. “I cannot stand down from my responsibility
to restore Americans' faith in the ability of their government to
perform at the highest possible level of competency.”
As
for Clinton's replacement, Obama observed that “Senator Kerry isn't
just a fresh face. He brings foreign policy experience to the job.
This experience began in his youth where after bravely enduring the
grievous wounds that earned him three Purple Hearts during his
service in the Vietnam War he immediately embarked upon efforts to
end that conflict. That these efforts were successful is a testament
to his vision and ability.”
Kerry
announced that the President has agreed that the top priority in his
new position will be to achieve a treaty combating global warming,
which he says represents the greatest existential threat to the
planet. “The dangers posed by hostile nations and terrorist attacks
are puny compared to the damage that will be done by global warming,”
Kerry contended. “The people killed by bullets and the buildings
blown up by bombs can all be replaced. But once the climate is
irreversibly changed there will be no recourse.”
“In
fact, inasmuch as a 'smaller human footprint' would be a positive
step toward averting or ameliorating global climate change, the
activities of so-called oppressive governments and terrorist
organizations that occasion a reduction in the size of this footprint
can be said to have a 'silver lining,'” Kerry argued.
Democrats
Reject Need to Compromise with GOP on “Fiscal Cliff”
Senate
Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) rejected the need to reach an
agreement with House Republicans on taxes and spending. “It doesn't
matter what bills they send over to us,” Reid assured. “We don't
need to do anything. We are not going to do anything.”
Reid
dismissed the fact that voters gave Republicans a majority in the
House at the same time that they elected a Democratic majority in the
Senate and a Democratic President Obama as unmeaningful. “We cannot
let a little voter confusion at the polls to derail us from the
correct policy,” Reid maintained. “The President is the
representative of all the people. Senators are representatives of all
the people in their states. Members of the House represent much
smaller constituencies. That's why they're the 'lower house' of
Congress.”
“What
a lot of people forget is that the expiration of the Bush tax cuts
that the GOP is so desperate to avoid is a problem of their own
making,” Reid gloated. “The GOP controlled both houses when these
tax cuts were passed. If they didn't want them to expire why'd they
give them an expiration date?”
“Reasonable
people all agree that Americans need to pay more taxes,” Reid
claimed. “Americans spend too much money on stuff they don't
need"big screen TVs, celebrity-endorsed clothes, dining out, fancy
vacations, you name it. Meanwhile government is starving for revenue.
The President's compromise, our Party's compromise is to let the
lower income class off the hook. If the Republicans can't accept that
then everyone's taxes will go up. That's an outcome we can live
with.”
In
related news, President Obama suggested that “the Newtown massacre
ought to inspire Republicans to give up their futile opposition to
higher taxes so we can devote our energies to the more vital task of
enacting more stringent controls on the types of guns allowed and the
persons who can be entrusted with them.”
NRA
Call for Armed School Guards “Reckless,” Says Senator
Maintaining
that laws banning guns are ineffective at deterring criminals,
National Rifle Association CEO Wayne LaPierre urged that we “harden
potential targets. The placement of trained and armed security guards
in vulnerable locations would be a more potent defensive measure than
the placement of signs declaring these locations 'gun-free zones.'”
LaPierre
pointed out that “Connecticut's law banning assault weapons had no
impact on the madman who killed 20 school children. Government
officials themselves don't place their trust in gun control laws. The
President has armed guards to protect him. Many members of Congress
have concealed carry permits. They put their trust in self defense.
Why shouldn't our children have a similar protection?”
Senator
Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) called LaPierre's plan “reckless. How can
more guns be the answer? What if the armed security guard turns out
to be a madman? The NRA proposal would, in effect, allow armed
lunatics to infiltrate our schools and be perfectly placed to carry
out their evil agendas.”
In
further support of his position, the Senator reminded that “the
DOJ's plan to arm the Mexican drug cartels should have dispelled all
illusions that simply increasing the number of guns would be a good
strategy. Many of those guns have been used to murder hundreds of
people.”
Representative
Jim Himes (D-Conn) went even further saying that “those who use the
Second Amendment to block the government from confiscating all
unauthorized firearms have blood on their hands. There is no question
in my mind that public safety requires the elimination of all
privately owned guns. Laws making it illegal for private citizens to
own guns would greatly simplify law enforcement.”
Himes
pooh-poohed the notion that an armed citizenry might be a barrier to
tyranny. “First of all, we have free elections, so tyranny is not a
realistic possibility in America,” Himes insisted. “Even if it
were, does anyone doubt that the firepower the government could
muster would easily outgun civilian resistance? In a worst case
scenario, I think most would agree that the potential risk of
government oppression with gun control is preferable to the proven
risk of random violence when the general population is allowed to
have weapons.”
House
Ethics Committee Dismisses Charge against Meeks
The
House Ethics Committee cleared Representative Gregory Meeks (D-NY) of
wrongdoing in connection with his secret acceptance of a $40,000
payment from Edul Ahmad, an individual who subsequently pleaded
guilty in a multi-million-dollar mortgage fraud scheme.
While
the Ethics in Government Act requires members of Congress to disclose
payments received from private parties, Meeks argued that the $40,000
was a “loan” rather than a “gift” and, therefore, exempt from
the reporting requirement. Unfortunately, Meeks was unable to
document his claim as he says he “misplaced” the relevant papers.
The
Ethics Committee report found that “while Congressman Meeks' excuse
for his inability to verify his version of events is 'lame,' his word
as a member of Congress must be held above that of an admitted felon.
Further, the absence of corroboration by members of Congress in such
instances is not unusual and, as such, should not be held as
conclusive evidence of improper behavior.”
“Congressman
Meeks' contention that he is under no obligation now to repay the
loan to 'an admitted crook' has merit,” the report continued. “The
Congressman's assertion that the $40,000 is safer in his hands than
in Mr. Ahmad's is persuasive. Members of government are under the
scrutiny of voters and can be turned out of office if deemed to be
excessively corrupt.”
“Finally,
Congressman Meeks' assertion that others owing far larger amounts
have gotten away with not repaying loans is indubitably correct,”
the report concluded. “The example he cited of the Solyndra
Corporation 'stiffing the government for over $500 million' is
irrefutable. Lest we set a precedent that works to the disadvantage
of every member of Congress, we must absolve Representative Meeks in
this case.”
Lawmaker
Pleads Guilty to Vote Fraud
Massachusetts
State Representative Stephen Smith (D-Everett) agreed to plead guilty
to vote fraud in order to avoid a jail sentence. The plea agreement
includes resigning from his seat in the state legislature and
refraining from running for elective office for the next five years.
Smith's
scam involved casting absentee ballots for ineligible voters as well
as casting votes in the names of eligible voters without their
knowledge. The scheme was aided by unnamed government officials who
helped Smith intercept absentee ballots before they could be mailed
to the intended recipients.
Mild
as the sanctions on Smith appear to be, US Attorney General Eric
Holder expressed concern that “the publicity surrounding this
misdemeanor offense could add to the already serious problem of vote
suppression in this country. Smith's crime was one of exuberance. He
did not aim to stop anyone from voting. He merely sought to act on
behalf of some who were disenfranchised by overly restrictive voter
registration rules or other registered voters who may not have had
the time or inclination to cast ballots.”
Holder
said he may ask President Obama to issue a pardon in order to “avert
an anti-democratic bias result.”
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