Administration
Shrugs Off Negative Jobs Report
The Bureau
of Labor Statistics reported that the official unemployment rate
remained above 8% for the 41st straight month. The picture
for Black unemployment was even more discouraging bumping up in June
to over 14% for all ages and to over 39% for those aged 16-19.
The White
House cautioned that voters should not place too much reliance on any
one monthly report, but should look at the longer term trend. “A
narrow focus on jobs misses the bigger picture,” Chairman of the
Council of Economic Advisers Alan Krueger said in a written
statement. “Over the last three years more than 3 million workers
have escaped the drudgery of wage slavery by joining the ranks of the
compensated disabled. On top of this, another 4 million have simply
dropped out of the workforce. These tremendous gains in the
opportunity to enjoy more leisure time are not adequately accounted
for in the official unemployment numbers.”
“Let's
not lose sight of the fact that work is a disutility,” Krueger
wrote. “People only do it because they feel they have to. I think
we need to give the President some credit for helping a growing
number of Americans to overcome this feeling. He's reduced some of
the economic pressure by putting more people on food stamps than any
other president. And his robust display of enjoyment of leisure
activities like golf"where he has played more rounds than his four
predecessors combined"has helped lower the social stigma of taking
it easy.”
“The
fact is, if the seven million who have left the workforce over the
last three years were still under the delusion that they had to get
jobs, the official unemployment rate would be over 11%,” Krueger
observed. “So, by promoting leisure the President has actually
lowered the official unemployment rate by 3% since 2009.”
Transportation
Secretary Envies China Dictatorship
Miffed
that the Administration's dream of a nationwide high-speed rail
passenger system may be derailed by uncooperative states,
Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood said he wished the US were more
like China. Thus far Florida, Ohio, and Wisconsin have opted out of
participating in the President's high-speed rail scheme.
“In
China the government doesn't have to put up with people thwarting
their plans,” LaHood explained. “If the top guy says do
something, everyone has to go along. They don't have state
legislatures or governors deciding they don't want to pony up their
share of the cost for the rail program. And they certainly don't have
to worry about voters rejecting the taxes or bonds that are needed to
fund construction.”
LaHood
held out the hope that November's election might change things here
in America. “Up to now, the President has had to go through the
motions of asking for states to join in voluntarily in funding the
program,” the Secretary pointed out. “After he is reelected,
though, there'll be no need for that. A single signature on an
Executive Order mandating universal participation should suffice.”
A
key factor in LaHood's optimism was the Supreme Court's recent ruling
on the Affordable Care Act. “It is now a matter of settled law that
those who refuse to participate in a government mandated program can
be taxed,” he contended. “Faced with the prospect of being taxed
and getting nothing in return I think states contemplating rebellion
against the federal plan for high-speed rail will come into line.”
Identity
Theft No Excuse for Not Paying Your Taxes
The
problem of identity theft is growing. In 2011, the IRS reported that
more than 600,000 taxpayers were affected. This is more than ten
times as many as 2008"the last year under the Bush Administration.
Nonetheless, the Obama IRS isn't showing any mercy for people whose
identities have been stolen
“Just
because your identity has been stolen doesn't excuse you from paying
your taxes,” said Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner. “You are
still liable for taxes on the amount of income shown in our records.”
The
amount shown in the IRS records for you may be a problem, though.
Identity thieves using your Social Security number boosts the amount
of income reported under that number, pushing you into a higher tax
bracket. The IRS wants the taxes due on this higher income.
“It's
not the government's fault that your identity was stolen,” Geithner
insisted. “Why should the government be penalized for your mistake?
By law, the government is entitled to a specified share of every
dollar earned no matter what the source. We intend to get that share
and will do whatever it takes to ensure that we do.”
Geithner
argued that “holding the victims of identity theft responsible is
fiscally prudent. Our first priority is to secure funds for the
government's use. Besides, if we let taxpayers off the hook for tax
liabilities resulting from identity theft they might not be
sufficiently motivated to correct the problem. So, in a way, we are
helping to stimulate people to take better care of their personal
data.”
Madrassas
Should Be Model for America's Schools
Representative
Andre Carson (D-IN) suggests that public schools in America be
reformed along lines to make them more like Islamic schools.
“In
terms of effectiveness, the madrassas far exceed anything we've seen
from the vast majority of this country's public schools,” Carson
argued. “The typical American public school student is an
unmotivated drone with a sense of entitlement. Our graduates are too
often indistinguishable from ignorant louts.”
“In
contrast, the madrassa student is taught respect and obedience,”
Carson asserted. “Its graduates are highly motivated to fight for
change. Many are even willing to give their lives in this fight.”
As
a final argument, Carson reminded everyone that “president Obama is
a product of a madrassa education. His towering strength and
undiluted commitment to fight for the transformation of this country
is as strong an endorsement for the reform I am proposing as anyone
could want.”
France
Announces Bold Plan to Wreck Economy
Saying
he was concerned that Spain and Greece “might sop up all the
gravy,” newly elected President Francois Hollande embarked upon a
series of measures that he promised “will put this country at the
head of the line for the next round of bailouts.” The measures
include higher taxes on everyone who has money over-and-above what
they need, an immediate boost in the minimum wage, and a ban on
laying off redundant workers.
“Why
should we Frenchmen struggle to improve our economic output under
current conditions?” Hollande asked. “If we do, we'll be expected
to help rescue those who don't. We would earn the obligation to work
for the gains of someone else. It is better that someone else bear
the burden of working for our gain.”
Hollande
boasted that the measures he is enacting “sound good to the average
voter. Everyone imagines that only others will be targeted for tax
increases, that decreeing higher wages is an unmitigated benefit, and
that forbidding lay-offs guarantees job security. Few will comprehend
that these measures ensure our decline. Nearly all can be relied upon
to demand relief when the disaster hits. None will blame me. It's an
ingenious plan.”
The
French President discounted the possibility that his machinations
could fail. “Look, the cost of liberating France from Nazi
domination was far higher,” Hollande maintained. “And others bore
the vast majority of that cost. In comparison, the price for saving
us from our financial improvidence will seem very reasonable.”
Requiring
Congress to Read Bills Before Passing Them Proposed
Senator
Rand Paul (R-Ken) has proposed that members of Congress be given a
reasonable amount of time to read bills before they are asked to vote
on passing them. This proposal was denounced by Senate Majority
Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) as “an unnecessary impediment to action.”
“I
find it appalling that Republicans in this body are repeatedly trying
to throw up roadblocks to progress,” Reid complained. “The notion
that senators must read bills before they vote to make them into laws
is fallacious. We have a staff that reads these bills for us. There
is no need for us to slog through the lengthy and convoluted language
of some of these behemoths.”
“As
for the contention that passing laws without reading them is a
mistake, I refer my colleague from Kentucky to the Supreme Court's
recent upholding of the Affordable Care Act,” Reid continued. “None
of us had time to read more than a tiny fraction of this 2700-page
monster before we passed it two years ago. Yet, last week the Court
has confirmed that we did a fine job.”
Reid
suggested that Paul's proposal “might be moot after November. We've
got a President who is learning not to be afraid of fully exercising
his power to go over the heads of Congress if the situation requires
it. He certainly can't be expected to hold back until Senator Paul
has had a chance to read his Executive Orders before he issues them.
At best, Senator Paul's proposal is premature. I can see no reason
why we should vote on it.”
Study
Says Reverence for Liberty Sign of Terrorism
A
University of Maryland study funded by the Department of Homeland
Security found that “persons reverent about individual liberty are
likely to be right-wing terrorists.” “It makes perfect sense when
you think about it,” said Secretary Janet Napolitano. “The phrase
'individual liberty' doesn't appear in any of our nation's founding
documents. Its advocates are clearly and suspiciously out of step
with America's basic values.”