Dec. 20, 2006
By Craig J. Cantoni
DNA analysis has revealed that George W. Bush is a direct descendant of King Edward III of England.
Who was King Edward III? He was the son of King Edward II. Upon taking the throne in 1327, Edward III vowed to correct the mistake of his father in not finishing off the French in the short War of Saint-Sandos in Gaston.
Understanding Edward’s embarrassment and humiliation over his father’s ineptitude, and believing in England’s right to rule France, the Duke of Rove, the Earl of Cheney and Sir Donald Rumsfeld developed a secret war plan, thus setting off what would be known as the Hundred Years’ War.
As a pretext for the war, they told their subjects that the French were threatening coastal settlements on the English Channel with the weapon of mass destruction at the time, French ships. In reality, the war planners wanted uninterrupted access to French wine.
Edward and his advisors had no doubt that victory would be total and swift, given that the English possessed the greatest advance in weaponry, the longbow. England also was more advanced politically and organizationally than France. It had a more centralized government with a greater power to tax. Also, because most of its barons refused to go on foreign campaigns, it had begun to substitute paid professional officers and soldiers for nobility and conscripted serfs.
All went according to plan initially. The nobles of the Low Countries and the burghers of Flanders even supported England in the war with troops and materiel. But the alliance unraveled when war costs and casualties mounted.
Eventually, England was driven into bankruptcy due to the cost of maintaining troops abroad and subsidizing German princes and other foreigners. Edward’s prestige plummeted.
In response, the English government formed a France Study Group. Its members included military expert Duchess Sandra Day O’Connor and the advisor to past kings, Sir Vernon Jordan, who knew as much about foreign affairs and the military as the Duchess. They came up with the brilliant conclusion that England faced four options: continue the war with the same number of troops, continue the war with more troops, send the troops home, or conduct more studies. King Edward chose the second and fourth options.
After a series of defeats and victories on both sides, the war ended in 1453 with the Battle of Castillon. Of course, that didn’t end European wars of conquest. To the contrary, it led to the development of large standing armies supported by the power of central governments to tax their people, who were kept in line with large standing armies.
Following the Battle of Castillion, 343 years of European colonialism, imperialism, and mercantilism led the first president of the United States to warn the fledgling nation in his famous Farewell Address of 1796 about the danger of becoming entangled in European affairs.
Ignoring his advice, Theodore Roosevelt would later embark on the Spanish-American War, which resulted in the American colonization of the Philippines. That presence would later lead the United States and another Roosevelt, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, to oppose Japan’s military expansion in the Pacific (including its invasion of China) and to impose trade embargoes and sanctions on the Rising Sun. The subsequent Second World War and eventual defeat of Japan led to the democratization of Japan, but it also led to the Communist takeover of China, which in turn led to the starvation and execution of tens of millions of Chinese.
Years earlier, Woodrow Wilson, also ignoring George Washington’s advice, embroiled the United States in the “war to end all wars,” the First World War. Besides causing 8.5 million deaths and 37.5 million casualties, the war triggered the Bolshevik Revolution in Russia, which eventually led to the starvation and execution of tens of millions of Russians. (See a pattern here?)
The war also led to four other disastrous unintended consequences: 1) the dismantling of the Ottoman Empire, which had kept the Middle East in relative peace and prosperity; 2) the European victors carving up the Middle East and creating artificial nation states (e.g., Iraq) that lumped together clans, tribes, races and sects that had been feuding for centuries; 3) Britain issuing the unilateral Balfour Declaration, which fueled the Zionist movement and eventually led to the establishment of Israel; and 4) the draconian Versailles Treaty, which triggered the economic collapse of the Weimar Republic and the rise of Hitler.
Ironically, Hitler’s invasion of Poland kicked off the Second World War, but Poland ended up in totalitarian hands, anyway, when the Allies handed the country to Stalin at the end of the war. The Holocaust, which had its roots in European anti-Semitism, triggered a mass exodus of Jews from Europe to Israel.
After the European powers had bled themselves dry and lost their empires, the United States, instead of learning from history and heeding George Washington, and always willing to be a patsy, tried to clean up the messes that the Europeans had left in the Middle East and elsewhere. Now, instead of being contrite and embarrassed for the messes they caused, the Europeans haughtily lambaste the United States for trying to clean up the messes they caused.
Which brings us to King Edward’s direct descendant, George W. Bush, who has stepped into one of the biggest messes left by the Europeans.
One hundred years of war are sure to follow.
An author and columnist, Mr. Cantoni can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.