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Ozzy Osbourne Wants His DNA Mapped To Find Out Why He's Still Alive

• CNSNews
Alcohol and drug abuse has killed too many rock stars to mention, but at 61, Ozzy Osbourne is going strong.

Now DNA researchers in St. Louis say they're part of a team working to determine why decades of substance abuse didn't take down the Prince of Darkness.

Jon Armstrong is chief marketing officer for St. Louis-based Cofactor Genomics. He said Wednesday that Osbourne has asked a Massachusetts human genomics company to map his DNA. Cofactor is partnering in the effort.

Armstrong says the mapping may not offer definitive answers about the longtime Black Sabbath front man's relative longevity. But it could help understanding of the relationship between DNA and the environment.

Osbourne didn't return messages seeking comment left with his agent and his wife's management company.

40 Comments in Response to

Comment by Ronald Whittaker
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 As long as he,s the one paying for this and not the taxpayers, so be it.Frankly, I,m amazed he,s still alive myself.

Comment by Judas Priest
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This is so sad.

Comment by Found Zero
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Hi friends! Are you an alien reptillian from the Pliedes system out to rob our cows of DNA?

Let Oyate's Cow DNA Clearinghouse handle the trouble and expense of obtaining and shipping real live cowshit to you!

Our highly trained staff of experts and technicians know where to find quality bullshit and we can send you all the bullshit you want at wholesale prices!

Comment by Found Zero
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Since you are so good at imitating us, this should be the best conspiracy ever. You get to make it up as you go along. But to make it really credible, make sure you talk about alien reptillians from the Pliedes system out to rob our cows of their DNA. That's totally how to get credibility in this movement.

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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The sun is rising now I wont be able to sleep especially since Ive started to unravel the FP conspiracy it-

Comment by Found Zero
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Oh great. You posted more fake stuff in my name you little sneakasaurous. How freaking original of you. Hey weren't we supposed to get some sleep here?

I already got my 5 hours. When you get old you don't need as much sleep but taking naps has a whole different significance. Matter of fact, while it's still all nice and cool, I think I'll fit in a nice nap. That will get me ahead of the nap game. I'll be well napped. I'll be nappy as you might say.

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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Whats up with the CONstitution business I saw some of this awhile ago is the Constitution bad? Must be you bash it in the about us page

Comment by Found Zero
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I think there should be gaytriots. Patriots come in all shapes, sizes and colours. Maybe gaytroits aren't flamboyant. Maybe they are there are we just don't know about them.

Comment by Found Zero
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For anyone interested, I can do this for money. Do you have a problem child? As you can see, Oyate has nearly infinite patience and can babysit, dogsit, ferretsit, whatever your rascally weasel problem, Oyate can grin and bear it.

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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You just described EH as what a gaytriot should look like

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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 http://livingelpaso.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/haters.jpg

Comment by Found Zero
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Seepy you are such a liar. It was not you but me who said "Like I said man Guy Fawkes was an epic failure had he succeeded No America no Libertarianism if Our dear leader Ernest Hancock even existed he might be talking about how bad the spanish overlords were running our country"

You just took everything I said and pretended you said it you little creep. But you screwed it up. My thesis suggests Ernest Hancock always existed and he was a Spanish overlord of history. He had really tall boots, a crimson sash and a cimitar. And a big, floppy hat.

 

Seriously, do I have to tell you everything? 

Comment by Found Zero
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See folks, Seepy and I don't just argue, we also develop meaningful solutions you can use in your own life like "fuck if I care" and "to hell with y'all"  and "not my problem" and "stick it in your own back yard".

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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Or our section if not then the dutch rulers or whatever it really doesnt matter

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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Like I said man Guy Fawkes was an epic failure had he succeeded No America no Libertarianism if Our dear leader Ernest Hancock even existed he might be talking about how bad the spanish overlords were running our country

Comment by Found Zero
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OK so the back-channel communication that was going on here, as Seepy and I publicly insult one another with joyous abandon, is we were discussing Guy Fawlkes. Don't ask me why, we just were.

We discussed many things but one aspect left dangling was why the hell, as natives, you know like for our native perspective and all, do we give a lick gods-damn about somebody who was fighting for a religion that we don't even believe in?

So we wrote the whole thing off as "somebody else's problem". That took care of the Tribe Oyate book-keeping for the moment at least.

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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Im sorry skinheads in NAZ

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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The Meth comes from those nazis up in NAZ and to a lesser extent phoenix

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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House? Yeah probably does

Comment by Found Zero
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Because he has been up all night doing methamphetamines which he gets directly from cross border traffic, because being Odham, he get all the best shit direct from Mexico.

He has a mansion and a yacht. And a fancy wrist watch that costs more than my house.

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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I made a Youtube account a few days ago and out of nowhere some muslim guy added me as a friend, weird

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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attention anyone who reads this Concerned Patriot has not slept in 20 hours

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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holy crap its 530am

Comment by Found Zero
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Species #29258 you will be assimilated. Your unique technologies will be adapted to service the borg. Resistance is futile.

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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Jokes on you Im on the company payroll there man *sshhhhh its a secret*

Comment by Found Zero
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Yeah oddly enough, when the Department of Homeland Security initially approached us about you, we told them that it's our policy to never reveal the personal information about a poster.

 

However, I, being the open-minded and tolerant dude I am, convinced the powers that be (TPTB) to make a rare exception in this case.

So all of the pics we have of you in your underwear and prancing about in your Batman costume, we gladly handed over to our colleagues at DHS.

 

Smile! Your on candid camera!

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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Seriously the numbers its a code for the illuminati

Comment by Found Zero
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Did you notice that we have you digitally finger printed and we have activated your webcam and we are watching you scratch your big fat belly right now?

 Dude, laundry.

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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Did you ever notice the nazi-like ID numbers here on the site?

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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It would ,ake sense to call him boss though right hes an authoritarian

Comment by Found Zero
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I just though of a new nickname for Ernie: "the hoot in a suit".

 

OK, Seepy is gonna get me to run my mouth and get in trouble again. I told him before there's not many ways to get under Ernie's skin, but I suspect one way it to accuse him of being a closet-authoritarian.

Another way to do it would be to call him "boss". Yeah that would do it.

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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David Icke makes more sense than Ernest Hancock

Comment by Found Zero
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Seepy, that just betrays your ignorance and lack of understanding of this movement.

Everybody who's anybody around here knows, on the infallible authority of David Icke, that all of our problems result from reptialians from the Pliedes system who are here to rob our cows of DNA.

Everybody knows this. Everybody knows that these same reptilians, with their sophisticated technology, find it necessary to vivisect the cows in highly grotesque ways when they could just as easily get cow DNA from a pile of cow poop. But these are some things that YOU JUST DON'T QUESTION.

Seepy, seriously, get with the program.

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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And loose change is full and I mean FULL of nazi and white supremacist propaganda, thats just the truth guys seriously

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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so lets do some trolling here but with the truth i will start.

9/11 was done by muslim fanatics

Comment by Found Zero
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Sleepy, sleepy Seepy

Got some money and he went to down and he drank from a bottle and they threw him down now he sleeps in the gutter and he's all alone........

Sleepy, sleepy Seepy, somebody carry him home.

 

Hi friends, as is life wasn't strange enough, Seepy and I are gonna try another collaborative effort here because if you have enough friends, don't it make sense to have some enemies you can trust?

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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Black Sabbath sucked Ozzy didnt sound metal or whatever they were supposed to be

Comment by Found Zero
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Yeah but Seepy, you can at least write with proper spelling and punctuation. When you want to. Ozzy can't even SPEAK with proper spelling and punctuation. Even if he tried.

I don't think the question is how is Ozzy still alive, it's more like how long ago did he die and why hasn't anybody noticed?

Comment by Concerned Patriot
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 Ozzy is hilarious he makes all these jokes and it only gets funnier when you find out hes serious, then it just gets sad.

Comment by Found Zero
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I saw the TV show that documented Ozzy's life. It was like watching life on another planet. A highly depraved planet. I found absolutely nothing to envy and Ozzy seems to have the mental capacity of a three year old.


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