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News Link • Humor

Repeal Of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Paves Way For Gay Sex Right On Battlefield, Oppone

• The Onion
As Congress prepares to allow gay individuals to serve openly in the military, those against the proposed change voiced their concerns Monday, warning the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" could soon lead to strong, strapping American soldiers engaging in mind-blowing homosexual intercourse right on the battlefield.

This May, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) promised voters he would do everything in his power to prevent gays from serving openly in the armed forces, and on Thursday, he told reporters that the role of the military is to defend American freedoms, not "the rights of, you know, those people some of us stay up all night thinking about as we toss and turn."

"Imagine you've got a boat full of sailors out cruising the Gulf of Aden when all of a sudden they're attacked. Some of the homosexuals lock themselves below deck and begin touching themselves," said the 73-year-old senator and Vietnam War veteran, his breath quickening. "One of their names is Ricardo. Unbuttoning his pants, he throws his gunner's mate down on the cot and penetrates him, his big, beautiful dick shimmering with power, his dog tags bouncing up and down as he's pounding, and pounding, and pounding."

Added McCain, "What I'm trying to say is: It all boils down to combat effectiveness."

When asked about his views on lesbians serving openly in the military, McCain made no secret of his position on the issue.

"Female soldiers being intimate with one another?" McCain said. "Gross! No, thank you."

7 Comments in Response to

Comment by Die Daily
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False flag fags. Never thought I`d see that one! But there it is. Tongue in cheek, perhaps. Tongue in cheeks, to be sure.

Comment by Curtis Scott
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Obviously this article is somewhat done tongue-in-cheek.  However, one issue did get brought up repeatedly: SODOMY.  Here's the shock-factor: According to recent studies on human sexuality, most men --even men who have warm feelings for other men --want NOTHING to do with SODOMY.  Shocked?  One of the fastest growing groups on the Internet is a global men's movement called: G0YS (spelled w. a zer0).  G00GLE it.  This group also happens to be the #1 growing trend in the "GAYS in the Military" groups (See YAH00 for example).  Hard-core "GAY-Activists" are mortified at this growing Men's movement that REJECTS ALL GAY STEREOTYPES & adopts a philosophy 3000+ years old -native to the Greeks & Spartans (Seen "300"?)!  It seems that the GAY-MALE community has finally been called to the moral-carpet -ironically, along with religious fundamentalism (a group that this G0YS movement also has grappled with -- by using the Bible itself & an exhaustive theological apologetics investigation)!  This IS a turn of events and majorly NewsWorthy for several good reasons!  So, the issue is rapidly coming down to: Are you concerned about orientation or specific acts?  While "GAY" may be a term that tolerates every vile act under the sun -calling them all "diversity"; --G0YS is a movement that draws hard lines around male dignity, respect & intimacy.  Everything you thought you knew on this subject has changed.  Have you been paying attention?    

Comment by Anonymous
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No need to click to the original, Brock. Definitely, the Military is not where anyone is free to practice sodomy as a matter of civil rights. That's just what I am saying, nothing else.

Comment by Brock Lorber
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So, what was it about the original picture that left you slack-jawed, Bakadude?  The sculpted pecs?  The smooth, shaved skin?  Or was it the look of fiery passion in the guys' eyes?

Click through to the Onion article for the original.

Comment by Anonymous
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 My "woww ..." reaction was quite stablized when you changed the graphic that was quite graphic. But I stand behind the author's objection. I dread the defeat of our Military when instead of fighting the war soldiers are engaged in a homosexual orgy as a form of release under pressure. The liberal opinion of the U.S. Supreme Court is that you can do that in the "privacy of your room". In the Military, the barracks are not "private rooms". The military camps are not either, and so are the dug-in foxholes in the warfront. In the battlefield, can you imagine soldiers intimately kissing each other while under fire?

Comment by Justen Robertson
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Haha, nice. Seriously though, heaven forbid soldiers have sex with eachother voluntarily instead of engaging in a culture of rape to satisfy their sexual frustrations. That would be just wrong, it violates military tradition dating all the way back to Rome 1.0!

Comment by Ernest Hancock
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Yeah... I changed the graphic. Nice try though :)

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