Today the kids and I will formally withdraw the colors — taking down our large Bears banner in front of the house to mark the end of the season for our team. My only concern is that the performance of the Bears lends credence to the Mayan prediction of the end of the world in 2012. As God’s team, it is only natural that the apocalypse would begin with this catastrophic season for the Bears — and countervailing success of the Packers. For Bears fans, we will now welcome the End of Times . . . if it will only happen before the Packers win a second Superbowl.
Yesterday at our New Year’s party, we cleansed the flag of bad spirits using a “smudge stick” I bought from a Native American Indian store in Salt Lake city. We decided we had to call in the supernatural to rid the spirits that plagued our team this year. The funny thing is that the smudge stick made of sage smelled just like marijuana. We had roughly 120 people at the party who were convinced that someone was smoking a heap of weed. Many seemed distinctly disappointed to find the kids waving a smudge stick, but insisted that their interest in finding the source was purely curiosity from growing up in the Sixties.
In celebration for an exciting (though disappointing season), I give you my favorite play of the year: Jerome Simpson, Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver, doing a front flip into the end zone to score a touchdown on Dec. 24, 2011.