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The Textalyzer


Yes, really.

They are working on a gadget that can tell the polizei whether you've been texting while driving.

For your saaaaaaaaaaaaaaafety – as depressingly always.

An Israeli company called Cellebrite – which sounds like the latest "ask your doctor about" pill to cure your ills – has ginned up this altogether different pill. Real-time and probable cause-free dragnet monitoring of people's cell phone use and driving, so as to roust people who dare to ignore no-texting-while-driving statutes.

Automatically, furtively. Everyone. The cops in collusion with your sail fawn "provider," as they are styled. You won't know – until they let you know they know.

A police state technology from a police state country – what a surprise.

The Textalyzer would work in much the same way as a Breathalyzer does except it would be in your car and on all the time instead of by the side of the road – and with a cop demanding that you blow into the thing.

No checkpoints necessary. They'll just check on you all the time – without you even having to slow down. Think of the manpower it will save. Think of the revenue it will generate!

Think of the fear it will impart. Which of course is just the point.

Like Santa – but not jolly at all – they will know, so to speak, when you are sleeping and know when you're awake…

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