If you're in California or Canada, said stabber has already called the cops on you for not using Zer's proper pronouns.
But that's no matter. You have only one thing on your mind right now — getting medical attention.
The whisky has made your blood thinner than liquid silk, you need to think quick or you'll bleed out like a stuck pig.
Your first instinct is to call 911.
Your other option? Uber.
You flick the app open and call the damn Uber. He's only two minutes away, after all. His name is Dave. Dave's not happy to see you when he pulls up, but he takes you to the ER anyway.
Wait. What?! Are you nuts?!