"I think we owe a great debt of gratitude to science. Science has, in many ways, helped ease the suffering of this pandemic, which was more than likely caused by science," Stewart said after Colbert asked how he was feeling about the scientific response to COVID-19.
"Do you mean perhaps there's a chance that this was created in a lab?" asked Colbert, adding "There's an investigation."
"A chance?" shot back Stewart - kicking the door open.
"Oh my god, there's a novel respiratory coronavirus overtaking Wuhan, China, what do we do? Oh, you know who we could ask? The Wuhan novel respiratory coronavirus lab. The disease is the same name as the lab. That's just a little too weird, don't you think? And then they asked those scientists - they're like 'how did this... so wait a minute, you work at the Wuhan respiratory coronavirus lab. How did this happen?' and they're like 'mmmm - a pangolin kissed a turtle?' and you're like 'no... the name of your lab! If you look at the name! Can I... let me see your business card. Show me your business card. Oh - I work at the coronavirus lab in Wuhan. Oh, cause there's a coronavirus loose in Wuhan. How did that happen?'
'Maybe a bat... flew into the Cloaca of a turkey and... then it sneezed into my chili. And now we all have Coronavirus."
Stewart landed one final joke as Colbert desperately tried to control the situation;
"HOLD IT, HOLD IT! What about this, what about this... listen to this! 'OH MY GOD, there's been an outbreak of chocolately goodness near Hershey, Pennsylvania. What do you think happened?'
'Oh I don't know, maybe a steam shovel mated with a cocoa bean?'
"Or... it's the fucking chocolate factory! Maybe that's it!" Stewart screamed.