Memo to Timmy the tax man: No matter how fast you chase me, I can go
slow enough so you don’t catch me
March 5, 2009
Secretary Timmy Geitner
Fr: Craig J.
Timmy: You, your boss, and your IRS
agents are chasing me, but none of you will be able to catch me, because the
faster all of you go, the slower I’ll go.
not referring to a foot race. I’m
referring to slowing down my work and taxes. No, I’m not cheating on my taxes as you did. What I’m saying is that the more you tax me,
the less I’ll work. The same holds true
for millions of people like me.
have cut my income by two-thirds over the last decade to get into a lower tax
bracket and to reduce how much my fellow Americans steal from me. I had reached a point where federal income
and payroll taxes alone were consuming 50 percent of my income, and at least 50
percent of that 50 percent was going to moochers, ne’er-do-wells, and
me explain it this way: Out of every two
weeks of hellacious business travel, one week of hell went to pay my federal
taxes. That meant a week of being
humiliated by the TSA at airports, of sitting in a packed airplane three inches
from a guy who would spend the entire flight belching the hot dog and onions he
ate before getting on the plane, of flights being cancelled and hotel and car
reservations disappearing, of working 15-hour days, of staying in hotel rooms
that smelled like a wet sheep, of eating lousy food, and of returning home at
10:00 pm on a Friday night, drained of all goodwill and energy, and smelling
like hot dogs, onions, and wet sheep.
the way, Nancy Pelosi flies across the country at taxpayer expense on a
government jet. Do the crackerjack
federal agents in their spiffy TSA uniforms make her take her $500 shoes
didn’t endure such travel torture to buy expensive toys, homes, cars, and
vacations. Nor did my wife, who also
traveled and worked ungodly hours in her job. She and I did it to pay for our son’s education and to save enough money
so that we could live in relative comfort in retirement and not end up in a
Medicaid nursing home at taxpayer expense with a straw up our nose. We thought that’s what responsible citizens
were supposed to do. Silly us. Now we understand from your boss that an
upstanding citizen is someone who hires you to pillage and plunder his
sure, if I had continued to work hard at the prime of my professional experience
as a management consultant, I could have continued to help companies survive,
grow, and provide jobs. Oh, sure, if
enough people like me cut their work and income while the Chinese are increasing
their work and income, the nation will become a wholly-owned subsidiary of
China. Oh, sure, the less that people work and save,
the less money there will be for investments in new businesses, jobs, and
well, your boss must know what he’s doing. After all, he spent most of his working life as a community organizer. You also must know what you’re
doing. After all, you spent most of your
working life in the federal government. Correction: Actually, you worked
for the Federal Reserve, which means that you worked for the bankers who elect
the Fed’s governors. Does that strike
you as a conflict of interest?
you can find time in the midst of bailing out your banking cronies and going
after every tax scofflaw but yourself, you might want to read Aesop’s fable
about the tortoise and the hare. As the
fable suggests, you’re not going to catch this tortoise.
have to go now. It’s time for my
author and columnist, Mr. Cantoni can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.