Man, just try to eat in this town without your order coming wrapped in a flour tortilla with rice and beans. Want a fillet mignon? No problem, it's comes in a burrito. Want a live Maine lobster freshly steamed? We can do that, we get them flown in. But you seriously want us to stuff a whole Maine lobster inside of a burrito? Man people from other places are strange. Why don't you let us make a nice relleno out of it?
And this is one of the few places, I wouldn't say Mexicans do jobs Americans don't want to do but there are some industries where they've always done it and they are pretty dang good at it. The Cabaleros as they call them, the Mexican equivalents of cowboys, these guys are legendary and their services are very much in demand. We're talking families of range riders and ropers who have worked here for generations. We're intermarried as heck already, it's a little late to go back. We have internal cultural diversity in Arizona, we got it built in. We only have what, like a couple dozen different indigenous peoples here? About the only color of person I can't recall recently seeing around here is freckles and that ain't even a color.
I just can't imagine Arizona without Mexicans. But by Gods, I dream of an Arizona without Californians. They come here to escape the mess they made there and they are determined to screw up Arizona just as bad. They specialize in finding virgin forests and cutting them down to plonk big, ugly houses in. Then they find really nice hilltops with natural rock formations and bulldoze them absolutely flat and they plonk down big ugly houses on them too. They come in and remove all natural anything-every rock, tree, bush, every flower and pour gravel all over the place in a day's time and all the birds come back in the evening and say "what the hell just happened to our house and front yard?"
And then they just start regulating the living piss out of every dang thing you can think of. And incorporating every tree and flower. No hunting rabbits in incorporated areas. No raising rabbits in incorporated areas. No letting your dog chase rabbits in incorporated areas. No unlicensed dogs in incorporated areas. I really like that one because somebody better tell God to stop making dogs. I always though that was the stupidest thing in the world. A license for a dog. "Honest your honor, my dog didn't know he had to have a license". How about the squirrels? Do they need a license too? No, the squirrels will all go away once we cover this place with golf courses. See, progress means draining the crap out of our water resources to make a fake Polynesian Shangri-la in the middle of the desert. "All natural" is something you order off a menu, not see out your window. They have a word for it in Californian. They call it "environmentalism".
OK boys, whatever floats your boat. Oh and boating? This is great. They come here because obviously the desert is a perfectly logical place to come to for water sports. Especially since they left, I dunno, like THE WHOLE PACIFIC OCEAN BEHIND THEM but never mind. What you do is you get yourself one of the biggest, baddest, loudest muscle boats you can find and you plonk it down in this measly little bit of water and you blast in back and forth, back and forth, back and forth all day. And every time you turn at the beach you have to stand up and flex your muscles and show us all what you are packing. Because repetition is part of any sound marketing strategy. And who said anything about fish beds? Screw the fish beds. What would fish want to be doing in a desert anyways? Stupid fish. We should just fill the lake with Budweiser and get the fish drunk and watch them dance like on the commercial.
These people sit at home and think of things that should be regulated like the whole damn town is a Home Owners Association. They are plain ruining Arizona. They are broke and corrupt in California and they are taking us down the tubes now. They took every single decent swimming spot in Prescott and sold it off. There's no natural body of water left in town the kids can legally swim in. Not one. Drive to Lake Havasu and see if you can pee in their drinking water before they run over you in a muscle boat. Thank you for this wonderful improvement in the quality of life California.
One year they had a vote because the budget was getting tight. Do we put fancy new wrought iron lamp posts in on the downtown business district or fix the leaky roof in the ceiling of the gym at school where our kids eat lunch? Hmmmm.....let's see......well the lamp posts are going to cost way more and the kids can always have a bake sale so.....
What the hell is the priority system here? I don't know. I looked it up online but I can't really read or speak Californian. As near as I could make out the hieroglyphs, it seemed to say "whatever duuuuuuuuuuude".
What we need is a border wall between us and California. We should just cut them off and make them apply for citizenship. Don't tell me what they mean to us economically, there's a perfectly fine international port right up there in Seattle. Seriously, given a choice between Californians and Mexicans, I think we already make it. Just call me El-Oyate. I got that whole Oyatismo thing going on. I'm even pretty sure Oyate is a color in Spanish or Mayan or Aztec or something. Well actually I just made that part up but my point is Californians suck and we've got to do something about it.
If you are from California, you suck. If you parents were from California, you suck at least 50%. If you have ever been to California or know somebody from there, chances are you brought back some of their suckiness to here. If I had my way, anyone with more than 25% Californicolor in their blood should be foreably deported. It's not that I'm prejudiced, it's just that I hate every single one of you with a burning passion. I think the word California should be erased from our school books and be frowned upon in public discourse.
However, I should note that if you are one of those vicious criminal Californian drug gangs we keep hearing so much about, you should know that I'm not really Oyate, this is Oyate's brother Drew posting under Oyate's profile. So if you want to put anybody on your hit list for some sort of unimaginable painful retribution, talk to me, Oyate's brother Drew. My house is 3 doors down from Oyate's and it's painted RED. Oyate's place is GREEN AND WHITE so don't hit the green and white one, hit the red one, that's the one with me, Oyate's brother Drew in it.