Found  Zero

More About: Humor

My militia group got activated yesterday and I sure don't appreciate it.

Some of you might remember a comment I posted  regarding the last time my militia group was activated to assasinify Ben Bernanke but we got side-tracked on pancakes because Burt's wife mary Beth showed up with all the fixings and our militia leader Bill had been on a tare the night before and before long the younger ones got to playing horse shoes and the whole thing got side-tracked.
 
What a disaster with a happy ending because Little Joe, you know, Mr. Smith's young lad, well rumor has it that he kind of made it with Lindsey under the bridge and we kind of knew he was sweet on her all along so about a month or two our whole militia will turn out in full regalia fur a good old fashioned shotgun wedding.
 
Funny how we can't shoot straight when we're sober but put a gal up on the alter and we'll see the right end of business is put to the stick. Hells if we can't see ya, we can smell ya you city pricks with your fancy-Dan haircuts and slicker-city smell-good.
 
Well dang if the same thing didn't happen this time despite our best efforts. We really did due dilligence this time, having corned our powerder days in advance and cast both balls and twisted up many a shot and we practiced smoke signals and bugle calls all week, by Gods we camped in tents and endured the rain and some besodden idiot in collonial costume read a soggy version of the Declaration of Independance and all the charcoal got wet and the kids were all crying and after that, the whole idea had just lost it's shine.
 
Right about then my wife looks at me and I'm thinking it's a good thing we brought the truck with the air conditioning because this gal is putting off more steam than the Arizona sun after a monsoon. But other priorities soon become apparent when she says "where are the children?"
 
Shit woman, last I saw, the kids were gonna catch scorpions. They are fine.
 
Yup, that's when I got THE LOOK, that aweful, convincting look. I knew I was in for a beating.
 
Boys she threw her coffee on the ground and said it was for shit and she didn't sleep all that good and if me and my "idiot friends" want to go around assasinating people that's fine but don't expect her to get drug around the woods anymore and dealing with ants and spiders.
 
Now the kids just love it but out of respect for moms, guys and I'm serious, I'm gonna have to give up the life of a radical right-wing assasin. She's right.The kids can take over terrorizing mom, they are better at it than I am. 

1 Comments in Response to

Comment by Powell Gammill
Entered on:

Hope you replaced the batteries in that golf car.  I don't want to be late to the 19th hole again. 


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