IPFS Found  Zero

More About: Humor

The libs have delivered us a total win. Welcome to the White Taliban.

Hi folks, Mullah Oyate here!
In the Name of the Most High,

The libs have done something for me that I had previously only dreamed of. By naming us the "White Taliban" they have conferred upon me, indeed all of us, a religious office of some prestige.
Dudes, know how many years of study it takes to be a real Mullah and we get it for nothing? Anybody that doesn't see this as an opportunity just doesn't hear it when it comes knocking.
Wells I dunno about you guys but I am going out later and I'm getting set up with robes and a turban. Man, I'm getting a camel and a shit-load of wives. And check it out! I'm already in a desert so the whole thing will be ecologically and cinematically appropriate. Do they have Soarro cacti in Saudi? Never mind. This is the John Wayne version of Islam.
And I'm setting up a school of Sharia. And based upon this, I get to issue Fatwas, Holy Orders to believers, In'sh Allah. Anybody who wants to be a part of the esteemed Koranic scholars in my school of Sharia can be. We have an open-door policy for now.

Boys, I'm nearly drunk with this new-found power. Either that or I'm just drunk. Either way, I'm gonna test this power now. If it's as real as the MSM leads one to believe it is, this should work like a charm.
So here we go, the first official Fatwah of the White Taliban.
I call upon all true believers to get bucky-naked and f*ck right now. In schools, in churches, in your places of work, I now order you to get busy and just shake that thang. If you are driving, just calmly put on your blinker, pull off the road safely and jump and shout, just let it all hang out. Now put your hands in the air and dance like you just don't care.
Yeah babies. This is the First Fatwah coming to you live from beautiful Northern Arizona. This is the White Taliban coming at you but yo, we outa here so peace on the streets, keep it real and praise the One True God. In the names of Elijah and Mosha and Ya'heskel (Ezikiel) and Y'shua (bless His holy name) and all of the prophets and to Mohammed, the One True Prophet of the Holy One, let all infidels tremble if they do not get bucky naked and totally party.
Fatwah baby. Yeah. It just feels right. I'm feeling it. Are you feeling it?

2 Comments in Response to

Comment by Found Zero
Entered on:

Oh you have got to be kidding me. I screwed up my first Fatwah?

Dammit, I knew I needed an editor. But personally "White al-Queda" has nothing on "White Taliban". al-Queda can be any bunch of maniacs but Taliban puts us squarely on a centuries-old tradition of clerical jurisprudence.

Besides, it's a little late to switch for me, as I've staked my considerable credibility on being a Mullah.

Mullah Oyate at your service. i just got back from shopping and would you believe it but a dish-dash is a very comfortable piece of clothing.

Comment by Brock Lorber
Entered on:

Not white Taliban, you bonehead, white Al Qaeda.  You don't get to do any of those things; you are limited to receiving CIA paychecks and weapons.

BTW, isn't there something wildly ironic about SPLC using "white Al Qaeda" as a double-racial-slur entendre?