Edwin Sumcad

Straight Light

Edwin Sumcad

More About: Humor

Roasting Obama, Paul, Bernanke, Pizza Pie, World Order For A Horse Laugh


Not all satires are funny. However, if being so serious and worried to death would kill us in the current situation we are in, it isn’t funny either.  Ergo, one would rather die with a horse laugh than die without.

      For instance, millions of Americans are absolutely convinced that Obama’s health plan wouldn’t work and they would die anyway. Why then one should die so unhappy? And that’s when hell broke loose!

     To begin with, from the backwoods of our contentious urban society, “intellectual” hillbillies had invaded almost all websites. Since, freedomphoenix.com is free, it is freedom for anyone to wage his/her own battle here than in most war sites.

       How should we describe the volley of cannonballs bullies fire when targeting their quarry?  Abysmal … that AMERICA is going to be an economic cemetery before President Obama’s term expires – that is if we the people don’t expire first, or whichever comes first. 

       I am almost inclined to believe what I am witnessing now: Each one of these “paper rebels” had studied “economics” using all sorts of modern sci-fi textbooks killjoys describe as extremely “sensual” or lewdly “pornographic” while on top of the toilet bowl!

      I think they badly needed Dr. Ron Paul, a doctor of medicine, to cure them of this advancing nationwide anxiety, not necessarily to administer a cure to the ailing economy of which he does not have Dr. Ben Bernanke’s doctorate economic credentials to do it. Inversely, it would be disastrous for Dr. Bernanke to take Dr. Paul’s place to prescribe a cure for insomnia and paranoia that are becoming pandemic when he is not licensed to practice medicine.

     A felony is committed in both instances.

     Let’s think about this rough country’s urban legends.  We need education for the urban poor more than just this fundamental need of shelter, clothing, bread and butter.  They voted for Obama during the last presidential election due to his promise to change the country from capitalism to “welfareism”. They interpreted “welfareism” their own way as a regiment of wealth distribution from the rich to the poor. The color of their mascot is green, and in it is Robin Hood that looked like Obama in tights, with a flaming sword and jungle boots in his fight for the downtrodden. 

        As long as the rich is well off by working so hard to earn their keeps, the government will pick their purse for those who are not willing to work to make life equal. Obama is recreating America into his own Sherwood Forest of Nottinghamshire; we are going to live in a classless society where everybody is “well”, and everything is “fair”.  “Wellfairism” is literally good, the poor swear on their mother’s grave!

         And there is this song sang in the bayou, to elect Congressman Ron Paul the next president.  That way every year in and year out he doesn’t have to sponsor a truckload of bills in Congress to abolish the Federal Reserve, the IRS or the law on income tax, and to kick the United Nations out of New York, and out of American life … and the like.  

       The philosophy behind all these “heroic” moves – remember Congressman Paul debating for this line of argument when he wanted to be nominated as a Republican candidate for president? -- is to isolate America from world affairs or to disconnect the nation from the internal affairs of other countries, in order to keep us all safe and sound, and out of harm’s way.

      Although it may be unreal, this philosophical campaign of unorthodox politicians on the issue of national security became the rolling bandwagon of millions of anti-war activists … it became the battle cry of libertarian r3volutionaries … the slogan of radical activism. 

      Paul didn’t win the nomination as a Republican candidate for president, but he won the heart of libertarian r3volutionaries, including millions of radical activists. To win even the sympathy of the enemy of the state, including Islamic terrorists and their internal supporters is admittedly, quite a feat no politician has yet ever achieved or has the heart to achieve!

        For example, this isolationist philosophy is an apple pie in the eyes of the ordinary beholder.  It simply means that if we did not go to the Middle East and disturbed the peace and quiet of Islam, we could not have this 911 terrorist attack … there would have been no Iraq war or war on terror. We could have spared the lives of young men and women in uniform who died in Iraq, saved the billions of dollars that dug a bottomless hole in our pocket.

        And this is my concern: Congress people are ingrates; they should respect all of Paul’s “patriotic” bills instead of filing them in an abandoned corner of the legislative building where paper dust gathers and a community of termites gobble anything papyrus. In Congress, they don’t throw dead bills into the trashcan. Besides, it is very ungentlemanly to treat a colleague that way especially when he is the only politician today who many believe is so dedicated to save America down the road to perdition.

        Paul-for-president hopefuls likewise believe in the bottom of their heart that if Paul is elected president, he would change America in a way that would make Obama look like an amateur every time he changes his diaper. Obama does this routine every time he speaks in public. For example -- just an example -- he would say it is legal, then he changes it to murder. What the public gets is legal murder, an Obama oxymoron.

       Even though you know how long I have been practicing law, don’t ask me how can murder be legal.  About 69 million American electorates have been introduced to Obama even before November 4, 2008 when they voted left.  If you are one of them, you should know by now.

        But this may refresh a fagged out memory: At first blush, Obama opposes sending troops to Iraq to get “murdered”, and in the next blast, he would send troops to Afghanistan just to get “killed”.  He wets too much and changes diapers in public too often.

        Furthermore, for soldiers just to get “killed” in Afghanistan and to get “murdered” in Iraq, are two different things.  A fork tongue can make it different!

        Under “President Ron Paul”, there will be no war for an egoistic president; it will be an America without banks and Federal Reserve, no printed paper money, no computerized credit lending and borrowing, no credit cards, no IRS to harass anyone, and no nothing you dislike at all. All of these financial hullabaloos are inventions of money crunchers and bankers who rob the people blind of their hard-earned income everyday while people are dying.  It is a sonorous funeral song we hear every time the economy is on tilt, and powerful enough to stir a hornet’s nest.

     In our financial system, the everglade philosophy behind this kind of revolt to avert a catastrophe that we now have is to horde our “money”, in gold and silver. We can follow the Austrian school of thought …we are going away from paper money, and back to metal economy.

     Dust of gold and granules of silver can be carried in a small string purse like how gunslingers have them when they enter a darkly lit saloon for a shot of whisky.  Of course sometimes they lost everything of value strewn around their belt in a fast draw like how they do it at high noon in O.K. Coral, to the caretaker who is just standing by to pick up the body for burial.    

      In big business transactions worth millions of dollars, it would be too cumbersome to carry bars of gold and silver in a wheelbarrow.  But this is true only during a transition period as the country moves towards an absolute barter system. We can throw our computers out of the window to avoid any monetary Internet transactions that sack anyway. This way Congressman Barney Frank of Massachusetts's 4th congressional district, who had publicly declared himself gay, can have his love life at Fanny Mae and Freddie Mae without turning the whole affair into a loan anomaly or mortgage scandal.

      Life in this new world would be easy and comfortable once we adopt Ron Paul’s barter system economy, except perhaps in some few instances when things tend to get out of control.

      For instance, when starving because you missed lunch while working so hard in your office so that under Obama’s government the poor can eat, you can drive to any restaurant without any money and order food.  Just be frank [just literally be frank, and not be a two-timing Barney Frank] to the waiter or waitress when you state your predicament, that you have no money, gold or silver with you.  Tell them that you left your remaining gold and silver to your dentist who is casting your upper and lower dentures made of precious metals.

       Just say,  "How about a barter item-to-item … my underwear for a cheeseburger and a bottle of Corona Light?" First, beer is good for your nerves. You need it after a bad argument with the waitress you accused of spitting on your food. The result of insulting a lady with your underwear sometimes gets out of hand.

      Second, you cannot be refused. To refuse barter under a new r3volutionary government is against the law.  If the waitress or waiter insists to deny serving you because they couldn’t imagine what use is your soiled underwear to them, report them to Homeland Security.  They could be underground agents of Dr. Ben Bermanke of the outlawed Federal Reserve who are spying for those banking pirates!

       If we assume that anyone, and I say ANYONE – like the good Congressman from Texas -- could be elected president by accident like how Obama was elected president [Obama’s U.S. birthplace could be accidental until the U.S. Supreme Court declares otherwise], we will be in a new world without any international order. In this new r3volutionary government, no United Nations acting mad like Saddam Hussein, is around to make America another Iraq in the Western Hemisphere. It is absolute freedom in this new America where no one orders anyone or anyone receiving orders from anybody.

     Unfortunately, there will always be a “counter-revolution” against this ongoing “paper revolution”. For instance, in this counter-rebellion, there will always be a rebel who is defiant in declaring that he does not want an America that has no “order”.

      But it is not in the sense what you think it is folks, sorry. Roughnecks are unpredictable. For, this guy explained to his comrade-in-arms in his blog site, that he doesn’t want an America where “order” is not allowed. If he couldn’t even make an “order” for his favorite pizza, he would fire his rifle in protest and he wouldn’t care who drops dead.  

     Some deadbeat dude this is, I assure you … probably more dangerous than a psychopath.

      Freedom of expression in the Web never runs short of his kind. A more perceptive blogger who was against any libertarian “paper revolution” is more articulate in his own economic rebellion. I have already mentioned this in some of my writings, but it is worth mentioning it again.

       For example, this self-made analyst that I am talking about had noticed that Dr. Paul is a doctor of medicine, not of economics. Similarly, he noted down this incontrovertible fact about Dr. Ben Bernanke – that this chairman of the Fed is a doctor of economics, not of medicine.

      Thus it did not surprise me at all when this clown found it rather odd that anyone in his right mind would call on Dr. Paul to treat the worsening ailment of our economy.  Only spoofs in limbo would do that.  His argument that this move is suicidal is that Paul has no formal education in economics, but Paul is a political pundit that talks like he has a doctorate from England’s London School of Economics which this counter-rebel interprets as a fraudulent deception; according to this critic Paul has no license or diploma to administer such a cure for the nation’s economic malady.  

       Let me state on record that I dislike anyone looking down on Dr. Paul, today’s r3volutionary idol, as some kind of a quack doctor in economics!  If I have a metallic arm, I would detach it immediately and give it away to defend him like what Voltaire said. But I have a normal arm. Severing it literally would have been easy and painless if I am not allergic to both tinseled heroism and anesthesia.

      Similar indictment was also raised that it is equally dangerous for Dr. Bernanke to administer a cure for the nation’s diseased patients [there are millions of them who would rather die than perish under Obama’s healthcare plan] without a diploma or license to practice medicine.  The nation’s healthcare system stinks, but heroic shortcuts like that do not mean that a doctor of economics like Bernanke practicing as a quack doctor of medicine shouldn’t go to jail.  That malpractice should subject him to a citizen’s arrest … I want him to declare his new residence at one of the most secured prisons in the country … the “Supermax Penitentiary” in Florence, Colorado. 

      Indeed, by sheer logic, it would be foolish to run to Dr. Paul and ask him to cure our failing economy. I and colleagues in the academe in this plethora of economic discipline have no recourse but to agree, because this court jester just made his point to the jury that he could die if forced to call on Dr. Bernanke to cure his asthma.  That’s murder, your honor, he objects. If I am the judge, I would say objection sustained!

      By the way, who wants murder in the high court?  Piracy in the high seas is okay, provided that the pirates are starving Somalians. That’s the humanitarian excuse Obamanoids headlined in the tabloids!

      We are engage in a r3volution against World Order.  In this revolt, we are dreaming of a new world without order. As you probably might have noticed, our desire worth dying for might have come from another planet.

       But who cares if we are warlike descendants of aliens from Mars?  We built America, the mightiest nation on earth, didn’t we? We are not just ordinary Americans … we could be Martians in disguised.  We just don’t scare the world by revealing to anyone that we are!

     For, it seems to me that life on this planet is order, not disorder. With order, we are also having some fun. This smart guy from the woodland, who desperately wants order, made his point not only aesthetic but also emotionally electrifying. In a way, even a fool can be a genius, don’t you agree?

      We need this world of order where we can make an order of even the silliest of our vanity and indulgence and at the same time have some fun.

      What this stem cell genius means is that, in a world of order, I can order pizza. TV-reality show and pizza … why, who needs billionaire Simon Cowell, London’s entertainment wizard who bags his loot out of “American Idol”, “You Think You Dance”, etc. ?

      You feel like you are King Louis of France before the Fall of Bastille. With tea and sympathy and pizza, and the couch while watching TV like King Louis with feet extended on top of the center table as if those bottom limbs being there was nobody’s business, who gave a damn when Steve Wozniak, America’s lovable geek, was booted out of "Dancing With The Stars" competition, although I can tell you that pulling him out of the show was like extracting a molar with a monkey wrench. 

      Yet, despite this “order” of the day in a world where life is a pattern of orderliness and a system of orderly command, even Nerds that seldom smile, can have some fun. #

© Copyright Edwin A. Sumcad. Freedomsphoenix.com access August 21, 2009.

The writer is an award-winning journalist. Know more about the author by reading his published editorials and feature articles or you may e-mail your comment direct to ed.superx722@yahoo.com.sg 


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