Found  Zero

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Un-official guide to trolling Freedoms Phoenix

Trolls need to understand some of the standards we maintain. Freedoms Phoenix trollery should be publishable works in their own right. The bar for both authors and trolls is high. Oyate tells you how.

The art of trollery is diverse and can morph to appeal to a great range of audiences. You quickly find that one style might work on a certain board or faction but be quite ineffective for another. So this lesson has 3 basic components:
 
1. Know your target and custom-tailor your attack.
 
2. Understand your target's audience and how you might use trollery to turn cracks into chasms.
 
3. Spelling, grammar and sentance structure: now as much as ever.
 
See you guys are getting into advanced trollology but you don't have the basics down. Don't worry, I'm here to help and we all have to start somewhere.
 
So let's use some recent examples to illustrate. Let's start with number one: know your target and custom tailor your attack.
 
"Ernest hancock sucks" is a recent troll post. Now it's admirable in it's simplicity but know how many times libertarians have heard we suck over the years? If this great magical incantation worked on us we'd have been dead long ago. It just bounces right off us or even lets us know we're doing great. "You know you are over the target when you start getting flack".
 
A better way to insult Ernie is to place a logic-bomb in his road. Tell him he's a closet authoritarian. It will totally piss him off and thus probably get him to respond. See this wouldn't insult most people but it's calculated to get under Ernie's skin. Know your target.
 
Moving on to point 2: know your target's audience. I'll use my troll's example. They tried the high art of imitation, posting as Oyate and they were whipping out one-liners like "Mexicans shouldn't be here because it's unconstitutional".
 
OK, this is inconsistent with my usual logic, but very few people would say that logic is my main thing when I write. It would have played off. I do do one-liners sometimes but always jokes. When I write to make a point, I write A LOT. Nobody will believe Oyate can say anything under 500 words. Thus the trollery simply lacked credibilty to the audience.
 
If the troll had took time to study this, they could have just extended or fleshed out the trollery and used anything as filler. Mythology, etymology, endomorphology, you can just make up words when you are Oyate, you get total creative lattitude, just about anything atall. And the troll would have gained credibilty as Oyate and diluted the Oyate message. If such a thing is possible.
 
But for the record, calling Oyate a racist, you got under my skin. That pissed me off. Score one for you! Do we high-five, belly-bop or kill one another now? You make the call.
 
OK point 3. A lot of people who read and publish to FP have advanced degrees. Some very intelligent and highly trained minds. But even with all this advanced learning, many of them don't read trollese. So try to take a moment and organize your thoughts. Try to think in terms of the logical flow of your argument and then break that down into ideas and then create sentences, one at a time, that express those ideas. Put periods at the end of each sentence and capitalize the leading letter of each sentence. Then organize the sentences into paragraphs. Run it through spell-check and you are done. It's not my strong suit but I work at it.
 
A way to think about organizing thoughts into paragraphs, think of introduction, body, conclusion. Tell them what you are gonna tell them, then tell them, then tell them what you told them. That's how I'm organizing this article.
 
Seriously, what's the point of trolling if nobody can understand what you are saying? I'll trust you know what I'm talking about, no need for an example this time.
 
Well I hope you learned some basics in trolling. For real-life references, if you want to see pro-level trolling just look at Hodges' stuff (hybrid statist/socialist), Frosty's stuff (universalist humanitarian) or my stuff (pretty freaking psycho) because why any of us gets published here is a constant source of mystification to me. But we're not just trolls, we're CREDENTIALED trolls. I'm a proud FP troll. The look I get at Phoenix patriot gatherings when I introduce myself can only be explained as "oh no, that guy". And you see their eyes dart back and forth as they wonder how they will escape me and not have to go through lampooning in print.
 
But there you go. If you are gonna troll here you have to apply yourself. Put some pride in your work product. Work on the basics: know your target, know your target's audience and make it intelligible. Then advance the craft of trollery by imitation, duplication, multi-vector attacks, Hegelian dialictic and diamond-tactic, all that 2.0 stuff. Impress us. Show us something new. Then you pile all your stuff into a book, go on the talk-show circuit and get rich. You can do it if you work at it.
 
Troll ya later!

28 Comments in Response to

Comment by Found Zero
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Yes the Gobbleday-Gucci shoes are our one weakness. Oyates can buy almost anything off the rack and make it look good but our shoes are always custom-cut on Fleet Street. Because our shoes have to fit like moccasins. Know why?

We often have to loan them out because it's said "never judge a man until you have walked a mile in their moccasins" so people are always judging us so we have to loan our our mocassins and they always come back all stretched out or deformed so you might as well start out with the most comfortable pair of shoes possible.

Comment by Found Zero
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G T that was a great Oyate. That was pretty good. You had the roller-coaster going. You picked me up, took me for a ride and put me back down where I started and wondering "WTF just happened to me?" If you had posted that as Oyate I don't think many people would have been able to tell the difference.

Good going guys! Keep up the good work!

Comment by Oyate
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 Oyate sneaks around the movement like a thief in the night. You never really know where he's been or where he's gonna turn up next. And nobody is really sure what he does, or if in fact, he does anything at all. He says he had an internet radio show for a while but nobody ever heard it, and he claims he publishes here and there but under so many pseudonyms it's impossible to put together a bibliography. There is some minimal videographic and photographic evidence to suggest he actually exists, but the evidence is far from conclusive. Recently Oyate has been found to be fraternizing with the left and manipulating the political spectrum with near complete deniability. Remaining in the shadows but for rare appearances, impeccably dressed in season-appropriate leisure ware from such venerable houses such as Armani, Versacci, Prada, Tutti-Frutti and Gobbleday-Gucci, Oyate is available for guest appearances on talk shows, the runway in Milan or Paris or executive leadership retreats that will have you off those horrible pills in a weekend.

Comment by G T
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Who the heck is Oyate??

Well, I guess this put into words, what I sort of knew was going on, but couldn't really prove, or entirely explain...(and most of the time, I don't really want to know - what some people do with their time, is just too depressing to contemplate, for very long, I find... The only time I bother to pay attention, is when I notice someone is trying to bait me, and then entrap me, into saying something that could get me in trouble...)

And this is what I HATE MOST about the internet. People playing mind games with each other, trying to manipulate each other, no one is who or what they say they are.... Why all the games? Why all the subterfuge? Why can't people just behave NORMALLY on the internet - mean what they say, and say what they mean?? Imagine if people really talked and behaved, in real life, the same way they do, online! What kind of world would that be?? (of course, we'd be killing each other, all the time, if that were the case.)

The internet has the potential to be a wonderful communication tool, but instead, it gets taken over by people trying to MIND F*CK one another!

What's the motive? I always ask myself that... And have assumed for a long time, that those who are truly dedicated to messing with peoples minds on the internet, probably get PAID FOR IT, in some way. Why else would you waste your time, like that?? I also assume most have been hired by DHS, because once they get out of the military, they need some kind of civilian job, but with the economy the way it is, trolling for DHS, is about the best they can hope for....(unless they can get into security, but if they're disabled, or really screwed up big-time, while on active duty, that is no longer an option...)

LOVE the pic that came with this article, by the way...though it seems too "noble" for the subject matter, to me. Who's the artist? Where did it come from?

Comment by Found Zero
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Which Earnie? All the Earnies I know are perfectly aware of the situation. We think this is hysterical.

Hey could one of you other Oyates tell Raylee to finish her milk? Yes, we have a niece, Oyate is an uncle and a father. But Raylee didn't finish her milk.

Oh yes, Oyate does parenting. If you don't like kids you can't be Oyate.

And now as this post sinks to the bottom of time, we must now troll other threads. I want you Oyates to take initiative and beat me to them. I expect to find you there on every single post.

Comment by Oyate
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Seriously guys look at the Border? What Border? article it is messed up in the comments section.

Comment by Oyate
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It doesn't look like ernie ever found even one of the other oyates seems he was just bluffing the whole time. But then isn't it his job as the head of this website to periodically pull stuff out of his arse?

Comment by Found Zero
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I think I get what you are trying to do. You keep feeling around, trying to find our weak spot. Who's credibility can you take down and similtaneously bring down FP. OK that's where you abandon tactics in favour of strategy. Anyone who has ever fought "us" looses because there is no "us" really. We're a collection of individuals. Anyone who attacks us finds themselves swinging at air. You can't even attack us individually and have an effect of the "us" that doesn't exist.

OK I got some good news and I got some bad news. If I was gonna attack "us" the first objective would be to define an "us" to attack. And to do that, I'd have to go elsewhere, places like Huffington Post and say "look at all the evil conservatives". Bingo! You'd have to first define an "us" in OTHER PEOPLE'S MINDS and then, having invented this "us" attack it from various viewpoints.

Comment by Found Zero
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Oops, you blew it again.

Hey, one of the many benefits of being a real Oyate is I had to change the water pump on the truck and now I got half the neighborhood doing it for me. Giving me liesure time to romp with you Oyates.

You blew rule number 2 with the Powell Gamil impersonation: know your target's audience. Powell calling "the cops" on a poster is not credible, he wouldn't do it. Powell present a challenge for the troll. He's so easy-going it's hard to ruffle him. He is an empirical scientist and ordinarily we can confound the empiricist with our spirit knowlege. But Powell is by character a RETIRED SCIENTIST. And he's really open-minded. Trolling Powell.....let's see here.....logic bombs won't work......insults never work on libertarians.....ok the only thing that will work on Powell is parody but he's so tough to nail down.....

Trolling Powell would take some truly advanced trollology indeed.

Comment by Anonymous
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I found the fake oyote and called the police on him he will pay for the things he has said.

Comment by Found Zero
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OK, here we go. How to be a real Oyate.

You begin in the spirit world. We always keep one foot in the spirit world and one in the "real" place. And because we are constantly hearing different things from the spirit place, we always have something unique or different to talk about.

So my style seems very contrary, but it's the spirits talking. And they often say "give these people something to think about" or "make them see it this or that way". And the message makes me think of ways I can relate to it, and this comes from my direct experience. So most Oyate stories begin in a past, a theoretical past, and they are stories.

We don't tell myths, we don't relate tribal wisdom as elders, we tell stories and try to weave it all in, but the story telling format, you want to grab your audience with something they can relate to. There's a lot of theatrics involved, but you get their attention and their trust on an emotional level and then you have a branch: you can smack them on the head or take them for the ride. I call it the "roller coaster format". Take them for a ride, up, down, sideways, make it fun and entertaining and sneak the truth in there sideways, just sneak it in there while they are having fun and a good roller coaster ride should take you all over the place, to places you have never been, but it puts you right back where you started, safe and sound, same person, same place but WE JUST DID A TIME SHIFT ON THEM.

AND THEY AREN'T THE SAME. THEY KIND OF KNOW THEY ARE CHANGED BUT THEY CAN'T TELL YOU WHY OR HOW.

Know how we can tell? The exit the roller coaster smiling. And if they could sum up the experience, they would say "wow".

I think that's what the Oyate thing is about. Getting that "wow". Just get them to step outside their heads for a moment. That's part of our mission. We are spirit warriors. If we do this right, we'll get them to love themselves a little more, maybe love each other a little more. See there's not much wrong with people in their inner nature. Our job is to try to help them remember that inner nature.

And our reward will likely be an ass-kicking. Oyate's thanks is seeing smiles when people exit the roller coaster.

We are Oyate for various reasons, but among these are love, jokes and our own self-imrovement. Do you pray Oyate? One of the Earnests thinks we are fake indians. And BTW, our avatar, the pic of the warrior praying with his fan and what looks like a......nother thing? That image was picked out for us by the editors of FP, we didn't specifically advertise "we are blood" but the name says it all I guess.

Do you know what our heritage is BTW? Have you heard Bear Dance? Do you know what our various powers are?

So much to teach you young Oyates and so little time. And I have to change the water pump on my truck today so I gotta go. You Oyates practice being Oyate and I'll Oyate ya later.

Keep up the good work! We'll have half the nation confused as shit in no time!

-Just Another Oyate

 

 

Comment by Oyate .
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Oyate means people in the traditional Dakota language as such we are all oyate so share stingy

Comment by Found Zero
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I will say that you all, all of you Oytes and Ernests and Donnas have really payed attention, you are doing a WAY WAY BETTER JOB. You have paid attention to the 3 basic rules. This is some nice trollery going on here. Keep going and I might have to share the true method of Oyate posting. Once you master this, I won't even be able to tell if it's you or me. But this is advanced technique. Shadow mastery. It's partly spiritual because you get inspired by spirits.

But right now my inspiration is you trolls. You guys are getting good, this feels fun, I like so far. But don't waste it all at once. The name is a passport. It gets you places. People across counters smile, doors open, dinner is served. Oyate commands a certain respect. It's nice. Try it on for size before you waste it.

Can you tell me what our name means? What is the meaning of the word "oyate"? You should know this if you truly want to exploit the real estate. Attendes a mi nino. Oyate will tell you how.

Comment by Oyate
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I think for the moment we will stay on this website and terrorize its inhabitants.

Comment by Oyate
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The Oyate army will replace anonymous as the most destructive and feared non government group on the net we will begin the r3VOLution on freedoms phoenix and spread!!

Comment by Found Zero
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Oh man this is getting good. OK so now we have multiple Earnies which is fun but even better, NOW WE HAVE MULTIPLE OYATES. IT'S A FREAKING OYATE ARMY. This could be the worst thing that's ever happened to humanity or it might be the best....for the Oyate.

We are the Oyate. Resistance is futile.

Comment by Oyate
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I don't think Ernie knows who is posting as us what do you guys think?

Comment by Oyate
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I would like to know who is doing this.

Comment by Ernest Hancock
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Ahhhhhhh, I'll just let it go until we want to out the individual that is "flattering?" us with imitation..... Want to know who's doing this???? :)

Comment by Oyate
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Hey Oyate that wrote this article i never said anything about mexicans being unconstitutional while posting as me or you or whoever i am. I have seen nothing about that in any articles.

Also i have been investigating and it seems the lazy hancock troll and the somewhat creative but writes like he is in high school Oyate troll are the same person!

This is beginning to get very interesting I have contacted the other Oyate and he says he has been working alone this whole time and he says he wanted to get other people talking since it seems there is not enough dialogue on our website. So it seems that He was trying to do us all a favor. But he gave me a warning he has been practicing his Oyate impersonations and will be blending in even more now thanks to my great article. I fear he may try to take me down like he has with Ernest Hancock but just remember everyone "sticks and stones may break my bones but words only hurt feelings". He also has stated he is afraid of the "nazis" running this website that are trying to track him down, while I could not tell him if they are trying to find him he said that even if they were looking he would still comment on stories because "This is America and I have a right to express hatred while pretending to be other people".

And so even though not many people may read this since other news will push us out of the way i just thought i would tell everyone that I hate mexicans and blacks.

Comment by Anonymous
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And donna stop deleting my posts sometimes race is a factor in these arguments and i am just trying to make a point. 

 

And other oyote you coward stop saying bad things about me i am not a bad person i stand up for the biggest minority there is the individual even though the individual is not a minority that is why i stand up for them if the individual was a minority like blacks then they would be on my sh*t list.

Comment by Oyate
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Ah the secret is out yes it does appear that Ernest Hancock and Powell Gammill look at CP and while i don't i refuse to judge them based on this. As a libertarian I believe pornography is a victimless crime and is innocent in all of its forms. I am sure those two crazy guys feel the same way. But don't worry they can get away with it since they work for the feds and are supplying information on the militia movement to the obama administration.

Comment by Trollyate Lulz
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You guys need to work on the Ernest Handcock troll in border what border he and oyate make racially charged messages and talk about looking at CP. Now i dont know about the oyate there but it was not me this time

 

 

From: The Oyate who posted as Oyate a few days ago and was noticed

 

                      P.S. I am the reason this article is here i am so happy :)

Comment by Found Zero
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I like music so every cop that asks me if I am an American citizen I will start singing "I was born in East L.A" but my true purpose if to get more of you fat-bottomed girls to weight down the other side of my canoe.

There is a brutal side to native American marriages. You marry one gal and if she don't do the job or if she should die, one of her sisters will take over the task. It's kind of an instersection point between native and Western European culture and tactics: if you can't get her attention, go for her sister. It's a classic flanking maneuver.

Hey Winhannas, hey Hanninu, war will never end until you tell us you love us, each one of us and make us believe it. And I have seen it! I have seen the wildest warriors, Pua warriors on their home territory and had no weapons but my braided hair and these guys were gonna eat me for lunch but my sweet wife sang out "we're making grilled cheese, do you guys want one?" and these killers all said "yes please" with one voice. And that fliped it ito real time. I was just another dumb warrior waiting to get fed by benevolent momma and that would give us the energy we needed to go out an kill. And then my Maui brothes busted out with the skanky dank and got down to some serious soul business. Then we got down with the Hula circle and ate fish from the oki. And swam where only royalty got to in the old days. And there were technocolour fish that swam up to you and were like "hi" and started nibbling on you as it it was the most natural thing in the world. And as you swim deeper, more kinds of fish are like "hi, hiya check it out, it's a....it's a....hey what is that anyways?" and you learn that ichtheopods are curious and interactive.

Humans, you are just getting out of a monarchical society which states that a king, a human, owns you.

Are beginning to see that no political system owns you.

The animals are just waiting  for you to be who you should be: attentative and wise and kind and protective and zelous. Our children must come first. And the best way to help children it to help mothers. Now our mothers and our children are unsecure due to the border situation. This is unfortunate from a training perspective because you young warriors have not had the benefit of our form of spiritual combat training but as Dickbag Cheney said, you don't get to go to war with the army you want, you go to war with the army you have".

Actually I think I mis-quoted. That was Rummy that said that. Rummy-wummy nanny-nanny poo-poo complicit it mass-murder Rumsfeld. Shibbit man, we're the people that never forget but there are so many criminals these days I can't keep all their names streight.

That''s why when the IRS came after me I said in effect with complete silence, "y'all can kiss my ass".

Comment by Found Zero
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See cause I just inherited two really pretty OK fishing poles and some tackle and it's been a long time since I been fishing.

Wanna weight down my canoe and we'll talk about things?

Comment by Found Zero
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Tracey? does your name imply that you are a female?

Great now I have a problem with a warrior female. Perhaps she will prove a more worthy challenge than the spineless jellyfish that attack us with words.

Hey Tracey what are you doing this weekend?

Comment by Tracy Twyman
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 Also "Spelling, grammar and sentance structure: now as much as ever" isn't a sentence.

Comment by Tracy Twyman
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You spelled "sentence" wrong 


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