Neighbours, I'm so sorry. I thought I had things figured out but I didn't. I thought Arizona was this perfect universe, becauase in NAZ it is.
This is the land of the perfectly good excuse to be late for work is "they wouldn't go first". You know that game right? Somebody wants to make a turn in front of you and you do the "you go first" and then the "no, you go first" and man, I know how to play that game. I''l shove it into neutral, put on the e-brake and the radio and just take all day. See in NAZ there's getting someplace but we ain't in a hurry to run over nobody's dog in the process.
And time in NAZ is pretty imprecise. If you have a meeting at noon, well in NAZ terms that means "after lunch" or thereabouts. To tell th".e the truth, all appointments in NAZ means "I'll get there when I get there" or even "if I don't get there today, I'll get there tomorrow" or even "if I don't get there tomorrow, send out the dogs".
Now why tell you this? Because of the Mexican issue. OK. Yeah, I get how enough is enough. I get how there's some backlash. To tell you the truth, I considered it a Phoenician problem. And I already made my camn dase, I mean my damn case about how misagenation on a cultureal level is just a fact of life. And I have mourned at lenght how we all know how to say "jalapeno" with a soft J and how all our houses are built out of psuedo-adobe and how a man can get away with wearing a salmon-colored polo shirt in public without getting killed. Because wearing a salmon or even teal colored polo shirt is not even considered ecumenical here. Not with guys running around with turquis and silver beads and bangles and bells both around their necks and on their fingers. Hells no.
Hey, they got a word back East for guys that wear jewelry. It's a very long and complex word and I want you to watch my mouth as I say it.
Goes like this: fags.
Once again: fags.
I know it went by fast but say it slow with me:
It's an Eastern term but the NAZ translation is "dinglehoots" or "earbuckets".
Don't stop me now boys, I'm commencing to some seroius lying here. But before I do, just tell me. Do we really hate Mexicans all that much? I myself hate Californians way more. And how do we tell the difference between Mexicans and our dozen, maybe 13, actually more like 26 native tribes here?
And before you say "screw the indians" I have to say, hating natives is so passe, so tired, so beat to death, you absolutely and positively have to come up with something more original than that.
Otherwise it will be like "ok tell us what you did in the last 100 years again because you have not come up with a single new idea since".
F*cking Arizona. I really thought you were better than this. But this is my fault, not yours. After all, who am I to impose my sanctimonious cheese-whiz on you oh holiest among people?
Nobody, that's who. Nobody. Nobody who happens to think you are the finest class of people that ever populated this here Eath and as long as I admire you,
that makes me a somebody.
I'm a some damn body that admires you and you better start acting like it.
If'n you know whats good for you that is.