IPFS Menckens Ghost

More About: Voting and Elections

What the election means to me

What the election means to me:  


On the negative side:


·         I'll have to buy a lawnmower and start cutting my lawn myself, because my Mexican gardener will be deported.


·         My favorite restaurants will close, because the kitchen staffs are mostly Mexicans.


·         The value of my Phoenix home will fall as the homes of tens of thousands of deported Mexicans come on the market.


·         I'll have to endure more automated customer service and ordering systems, because Arizona voted to increase the minimum wage, which will incent companies to replace workers with technology. (Employers also will be incented to hire illegals to avoid the minimum wage, but Trump's new wall will stop them.)


On the positive side:


·         I'll make a killing in the stock market by buying stock in the cement and steel companies that will be providing the thousands of tons of cement and steel to build the border wall.


·         I'll also short the stock of Cemex, the gigantic Mexican cement conglomerate with plants around the world.  Certainly, Trump won't be using Mexican cement to build the wall or anything else.


·         Given that the national deficit will increase and interest rates will go up due to Trump's proposed spending and lack of a plan for addressing shortfalls in entitlement funding, I'll sell my longer-term bonds before their price plummets and then invest the proceeds in companies that make automated systems and robots to replace expensive labor.


·          My wife and I can spend all of our estate and bequeath nothing to our son, because he works for a defense company and will have good job security and opportunities as military spending increases.  (Son, sorry to break the news this way.)


·         And best of all, I'll no longer have to eat kale and can go back to eating hamburgers and pizza, because my health-conscious wife will no longer be buying organic, non-GMO, gluten-free, taste-free produce, due to the cost of such produce increasing dramatically as Mexican agricultural workers return to Mexico.    


All in all, the positives outweigh the negatives.


Of course all of this presupposes that Trump will follow through on his promises.  Thankfully, there is zero chance that he'll renege on them, because he is not a politician.

Mencken's Ghost