IPFS John Semmens

SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 31, 2022 Edition

Publication of Voter Registrations Allowed

Citing freedom of speech, U.S. District Court Judge James Browning issued a ruling barring New Mexico from prosecuting the Voter Reference Foundation (VoteRef.com) for publishing a searchable database of voter registration records. The database includes names, addresses, and when people voted in past elections. "These are public records," Browning said. "There is no valid reason for concealing them from the public."

Foundation director Doug Truax said "our database is an aid to ensuring election integrity. Voter rolls in many states are replete with duplicate registrations for the same person and addresses that turn out to be empty lots. Election officials are supposed to purge these errors, but frequently assert they don't have the time or resources to do so. Our database will enable any citizen to assist in cleaning up these errors."

New Mexico Secretary of State Maggie Toulouse Oliver (D) called the database "an invasion of privacy. Our democracy relies upon a secret ballot. There could be valid reasons for a person to have multiple registrations or use non-residential addresses. Maybe a voter owns multiple properties in different cities. Since such property owners ares subject to property or sales taxes in each of these jurisdiction they ought to have a right to vote in each of these jurisdictions. The insinuation that this is wrong is unfair."

"In an ideal world there would be no voter registration," she added. "Elections would be much simpler. Whoever requests a ballot would be given one. The ballot could be mailed or deposited in a drop box. Drop boxes would be on every street corner. This would definitely guarantee a totally secret ballot—there would be no way to tell who voted or how often they voted. In my view, voting is a human right that must not be denied to anyone for any reason. The real purpose of those demanding election integrity is to discourage voting and negate this human right."

Evidence Missing from Jan 6 Hearing

The normal procedure for Congressional hearings is for both Parties to choose their own representatives on the committee conducting the hearings. Both Parties would be empowered to call whatever witnesses they deem appropriate. Both Parties would have the right to cross-examine each other's witnesses. None of these normal procedures have been observed in the January 6 Committee. As a result, key evidence has been ignored.

While the Democrats running the Committee contend that Trump desired and instigated the violence at the Capitol, evidence from the Pentagon shows that he was concerned enough about preventing violence that on January 3 he gave authorization for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and local DC government officials to call for up 10,000 National Guard troops for help. While the Capitol Police's own security assessment also expressed concern that there might be violence, Capitol Police Deputy Chief Sean Gallagher explicitly rejected this help. Washington Mayor Muriel Bowser also rejected the deployment of troops. Pelosi did not take advantage of the proffered help.

Videos of the January 6 riot indicate that Capitol Police actions aggravated rather than mitigated the violence. Numerous videos show tear gas and flash bangs being fired into a peaceful crowd--including an area where women, children, and elderly people were standing behind police barriers. Another video shows D.C. Metro Police Officer Lila Morris beating an unconscious Roseanne Boyland with a metal baton. The only shot fired that day was by U.S. Capitol Police Lt. Michael Byrd who killed an unarmed woman named Ashli Babbitt. Though the excessive use of force by both Morris and Byrd violated police rules on the deployment of deadly methods neither has been investigated.

To the contrary, Gretta Goodwin, a director in GAO's Homeland Security and Justice team, defended the aggressive tactics, arguing that "we didn't want to see a repeat of the Pearl Harbor sneak attack. In 1941 we were at peace with Japan until an unexpected surprise raid devastated our fleet and killed over 2,000 people. For all we knew, Trump's instructions for his minions to peacefully protest could have been a ruse. Luckily, none of the insurrectionists had firearms. This kept the casualties to a minimum. So I'd say that every one of the 293 police use-of-force incidents on that day was fully justified."

Transgender Drugs Dangerous

The Biden Administration's claim to be looking out for the well-being of transgenders has been cast into doubt by a recent U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) finding that puberty blockers, known as gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH) substances, could cause vomiting, headaches, brain swelling and loss of vision in children injected with this drug.

U.S. Assistant Secretary of Health Rachel Levine pointed out that "only a small minority of those taking this medication suffers the identified side-effects. We consider this a tolerable risk when the alternative is a life trapped in the wrong body. In my view, 'gender affirming care' is life-saving, medically necessary, age-appropriate, and a critical tool for health care providers. As a pediatrician, when it comes to making sure kids are healthy and happy, I know how important care that affirms someone's true identity can be. If this kind of care had been available when I was a child the results of my transition might have turned out to be less hideous than they did."

Jeremy Redfern, a Florida Health Department spokesperson, called Levine's position "deluded and self-serving. Our research has found that encouraging mastectomy, ovariectomy, uterine extirpation, penile disablement, tracheal shave, the prescription of hormones which are out of line with the genetic make-up of the child, or puberty blockers, are all clinical practices which run an unacceptably high risk of doing harm. The Biden Administration's threat to deny federal lunch funds to schools that refuse to abet his transgender policies is extortion in pursuit of medical malpractice."

Dems Assail Pro-Life Option

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass) has called for pregnancy crisis centers to be closed down "because they torture women. Instead of offering them the clean and simple option of abortion the are seducing them into giving birth and raising the baby. This inflicts years of responsibility, economic hardship, and worry on them."

Most pregnancy centers offer free sexually transmitted infection (STI) testing and treatment, pregnancy testing, prenatal vitamins, ultrasounds, post-abortion care, parenting classes, adoption referrals, and even free baby clothes and diapers once the baby is born. The centers receive funding primarily through private donations and grants from religious organizations. Some states allow drivers to donate to these centers by buying "Choose Life" license plates.

Warren maintains that "these helpful sounding benefits are insidious inducements to accept burdens that could easily be avoided. Some of these centers go out of their way to secure employment for the baby's birthing person and sperm donor. This ensnares them in a potential lifetime of wage-slavery. All of this suffering could be avoided. The government will pay for an abortion or, if the birthing person declines to abort, child welfare payments. No one should be forced to bear or pay for a child's upkeep."

Gov. Gretchen Whitmer (D-Mich) expressed similar sentiments when she vetoed funding for maternity homes, adoption tax credits, and other items that assist pregnant women from the state's annual budget. "People who foolishly choose life should not expect the government to support their habit," Whitmer explained. "It would be fiscally irresponsible to encourage the very expensive birthing and rearing option when it is more economical to get an abortion. I must conserve taxpayer money to ensure that this more economical option can continue to be funded."

Trudeau Orders 30% Nitrogen Reduction

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau used his self-granted emergency powers to decree that farmers must reduce nitrogen fertilizers by a minimum of 30% from current levels. Saskatchewan Minister of Agriculture David Marit expressed his concern with what he called "an arbitrary goal. Fertilizers have helped drive increases in Canadian crop yields, grain sales, and exports. Trudeau's decree will drive a lot of farmers out of business and worsen global hunger."

The Prime Minister admitted "there may be some hardships. However, the quest to avert a climate disaster requires making the tough choices. Given the growing prevalence of obesity in Canada, a significant reduction in the amount of food available is tolerable. By implementing a rationing program calibrated to each person's body mass index (BMI) the government will ensure that food is diverted from those high BMI individuals who don't need it. More will then be available for those like me who have no body fat to live off of."

The notion that government could competently administer an equitable food distribution without causing massive starvation is not plausible. Under this type of system tens of millions of inhabitants of the Soviet Union and Communist China starved to death.

Further, the idea that fighting climate change warrants taking such a risk seems dubious. The CO2 that the climate alarmists say must be reduced is less than one-tenth of a percent of our atmosphere. The current 400 parts per million of this atmosphere that is CO2 is four times smaller than the 1700 parts per million it was during the Cretaceous period. Less than one percent of the Earth's greenhouse gases are due to human activity. Current global temperatures are lower than the average temperatures the Earth has experienced since the end of the last Ice Age and lower than they were during the Roman Empire—periods before fossil fuels were widely available.

Trudeau dismissed the long-term climate history, saying "it's out-of-sync with what my advisors tell me." He also rebuffed the Soviet Union and Chinese Communist examples, saying "they were tragedies emanating from these countries' encirclement by capitalist enemies. Progressive countries now out-number capitalist countries and thanks to the inspired leadership of President Biden, the last bastion of capitalism is well on its way to joining our ranks."

Vaccine Mandate Undermines US Military

Despite the fact that the younger adults that comprise the majority of our military forces have never been at great risk from covid and the fact that getting a covid vaccination does not prevent the recipient from getting or transmitting the disease, the Biden Administration still insists that soldiers, sailors, and airmen who refuse to be vaccinated must be discharged from the service.

In testimony before the House Armed Services Committee, Army Vice Chief of Staff Gen. Joseph Martin predicted "a recruitment shortfall of 28,000 for the current fiscal year. This is despite raising our maximum enlistment bonus to $50,000 per enlistee and a $10,000 add-on for those willing to show up for basic training within 30 days. Our armed forces are weakening."

Rep. Mike Johnson (R-La) charged that "the Biden Administration is destroying the readiness of our Armed Forces by creating an unnecessary recruiting and retention shortfall, and trying to make up the difference by lowering other crucial education and fitness standards. Seeking to replace experienced troops with high school dropouts and former prison inmates because of a useless and unnecessary vaccination mandate is stupid."

Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin slammed "Rep. Johnson's insubordination. President Biden is our Commander-in-Chief (CIC). If our CIC wants everybody vaccinated then everybody must get vaccinated. It doesn't matter whether the vaccinations are effective or not. The primary virtue of a soldier is obedience to his superiors. He will be asked to do many things that are more dangerous and stupid than submitting to a useless injection. In this regard, obedient ex-cons and high school dropouts are preferable to disobedient vaccine refusers."

In related news, Member of European Parliament Christine Anderson declared that "the vaccine campaign will go down as the biggest scandal in medical history. Moreover, it will be known as the biggest crime committed on humanity. At great cost, an inadequately tested dangerous drug was forced on an ignorant and credulous population. After a year-and-a-half of this obnoxious campaign we discover that those receiving the vaccines are more at risk than those who have not. The perpetrators of this crime must be held accountable."

AZ Poll Shows Pence-Endorsed Candidate Trailing

In early July the race between Kari Lake and Karrin Taylor Robson for governor was a relatively close 39% to 31% split favoring Lake. On July 18, former Vice-President Mike Pence came to Arizona to publicly endorse Robson. Now Lake leads Robson 51% to 33%. A late surge of daily Robson mailers and a saturating barrage of TV ads appears to have been futile. A puzzled Pence wondered, "was it something I said? If it was, I am so sorry, I was only trying to help."