Found Zero
Dog License.  
Here's a good one I wish weren't true. This is going back some weeks or months but there I am at the town offices getting what else but another license for something or other, I forget what it was for and I notice a sign that says "dog licenses".
So for a joke I ask the guy behind the counter "how old does my dog have to be to get his license?"

And the guy says "we can license dogs of any age".

So I ask "how hard does he have to study?"

The guys asks "who?"

I say "my dog. How hard is the license examination?"

The guy looks confused but tells me there's no test, but he has some information for me to take home and he goes and gets me my license for something or other I forget and he's probably glad to have me on my way.

We have that effect on town employees it seems. We creep them out. But on the way home I got to thinking. I never went out and bought a dog, the dog just sort of happened to me. I sure didn't make the dog, I ain't got the tools for that. Far as I'm concerned, or it's my deep suspicion, that God is behind making all these dogs. And wise though the leaders of men be, even they can't seem to convince the Almighty to send the dogs with a license. If they take a notion to license the squirrels it will be the same story. God will continue to produce unlicensed squirrels with merry abandon. One day God might take a notion to send a swarm of locusts. Unlicensed locusts. Worst kind.

Wells I got home and I tried explaining all of this to my dog and getting him interested in the literature but he just wasn't into it. I keep telling him if he gets his license he can take the truck to the store by himself and you'd think that would motivate him but he likes riding in the bed just fine.