SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News
|SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: January 1, 2017 Edition
Obama Blames Russia for Exposing Anti-Israel Move
With a rash of news stories popping up contradicting the Obama Administration's denial that the recent UN vote against Israeli settlements was, in fact, organized and led by Administration officials, President Obama charged the Russians with "once again exposing communications that were intended to remain private."
One of these "private communications" entailed Secretary of State John Kerry's meeting with senior Palestinian diplomat Saeb Erekat to coordinate strategy for advancing the UN censure of Israel. Another was Vice President Joe Biden's phone call pressuring Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko to vote for the censure.
"The revelation of official matters intended to remain confidential is precisely the same MO of the Russian hackers who tipped the recent US presidential election toward Moscow's puppet—Donald Trump," Obama contended. "This further provocation is an act so hostile that it qualifies as an act of war. Clearly, the retaliatory measures we have implemented thus far have been insufficient to deter our country's greatest enemy."
Konstantin Kosachev, head of the International Committee of the Russian Upper House of Parliament, called Obama's actions "the agony of not only a lame duck, but of a political corpse."
Meanwhile, Russian President Vladimir Putin's refusal to retaliate in response to the Obama Administration's expulsion of Russian diplomats was labeled "yet another diabolical and sinister effort to mislead the American public," Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest charged. "Imitating a reasonable demeanor in order to make President Obama appear hysterical and unhinged is meant to drive a wedge between him the people who have loved and admired him during his term in office. It won't work. Americans will rally behind their President just as Americans rallied behind FDR after Pearl Harbor."
Earnest's prediction seemed to be born out when Republican Sens. John McCain (Az) and Lindsey Graham (SC), demanded an even stronger retaliatory response toward Russia. "I didn't spend seven years in a Communist POW camp in Vietnam only to sit idle and let the Soviet Union mock our President," McCain blustered. Graham called for "an internationally enforced 'no fly zone' that would shoot down any Russian military aircraft operating outside the borders of their country."
President-Elect Donald Trump's attempt to assert a plea for everyone "to remain calm until adults are in charge after the inauguration," was labeled "another example of his lack of fitness," by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif). "At a time when patriots ought to be backing our President, Trump is showing he has more in common with our enemy."
In related news, Alan Dershowitz, professor emeritus at Harvard Law School and two-time contributor to Obama's successful election campaigns, denounced the Administration's anti-Israel stance as "an appalling betrayal by a man I was twice duped into trusting."
The "Best of 2016 Semi-News" can be found at...