FEATURE ARTICLE

Powell Gammill
Powell Gammill


 
 
Date:
Subject: Transportation: Air Travel

In a sheer moment of genius, I realized an obvious and easy way to defeat TSA's new "grope-down" procedures. You see, if you're selected to go through a "naked body scanner" and refuse, you will be now subjected to literal molestation at the hands of government agents. Men, we have a way to stop this insanity now and cause the TSA groping to grind to a standstill: Wear a jockstrap with a cup. TSA hasn't attempted to regulate underwear yet---except for the explosive kind which are 'frowned upon'--- and as sport protectors are made of plastic they will easily clear the metal detector in all situations. In the unfortunate circumstances of being selected for a government grope-down, imagine to their shock the large and obvious bulge of a protective cup, literally keeping the man from touching your "crown jewels." Will TSA demand that men remove their cup to proceed through to their 'final destination'? What about baseball teams? Imagine the chaos! Two weeks of male travelers wearing cups would checkmake TSA and send a clear message of where the hands of government are supposed to stop: my body. (Please distribute freely and widely! Tell your friends! Update your FaceTubes!)