John Semmens -- SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
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John Semmens
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John Semmens has been writing political satire from a libertarian/conservative perspective since 2005. Readers have favorably compared his work to that of Jonathan Swift, calling it "better than the Onion," "positively, freakin' brilliant," and "great and brutally honest satire." An archive of some of his past work can be found at  

Current Columns and Articles

2017-08-11
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-11-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 13, 2017 Edition 
   Congresswoman Has Plan to Avert War with North Korea Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif) has a simple plan for deescalating tensions between the US and North Korea: "give them what they want." she acknowledged that "we may not know specifically wha
Send Letter to Editor
2017-08-04
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-04-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 6, 2017 Edition  
   "Legacy" Legislation to Honor McCain Proposed Fresh off his crucial vote to kill the repeal of Obamacare, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) is now working with Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) to craft what McCain called "a fitting legacy t
Send Letter to Editor
2017-07-28
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-28-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 30, 2017 Edition 
   McCain Kills GOP Health Care Bill Just days after receiving brain surgery to remove a malignant tumor, Sen. John McCain (R-Az) returned to the senate in time to cast his vote killing the so-called "skinny" repeal of Obamacare. McCain joined fe
Send Letter to Editor
2017-07-21
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-21-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 23, 2017 Edition 
   Freedom Caucus Move on Health Insurance Assailed This week the "repeal and replace" health insurance bill crafted by the Republican leadership failed to garner enough support to be put to a vote. Rep. Tom Garret (R-VA), along with other Freedo
Send Letter to Editor
2017-07-14
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-14-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 16, 2017 Edition 
   Study Shows Twitter Was Key to Trump Win A study from the University of Edinburgh analyzed 50 viral election-related tweets over the 68 days preceding last November's presidential election and concluded that Trump's campaign had a significant edge
Send Letter to Editor
2017-07-07
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-07-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 9, 2017 Edition 
   Trump Speech Defending "Western Values" Denounced President Trump's defense of "western values" in his speech in Poland this week was condemned by a pair of left-wing magazines. The New Republic's Jeet Heer called it "a paean to white gr
Send Letter to Editor
2017-06-30
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-30-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 2, 2017 Edition 
   Dems Vow to Obstruct Vote Fraud Investigation Efforts by the Presidential Advisory Commission on Election Integrity to obtain data that could provide evidence on whether vote fraud has occurred are being blocked by key Democratic officials at the
Send Letter to Editor
2017-06-23
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-23-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 25, 2017 Edition 
   Johnson Says DNC Refused DHS Help This week, former Department of Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson testified before the House Intelligence Committee. Johnson became the latest former Obama Administration official to verify that there is no
Send Letter to Editor
2017-06-17
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-17-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 18, 2017 Edition 
   Mueller Expands Staff In the wake of former FBI Director James Comey's admission that there is no evidence of collusion between Trump and the Russians to rig last year's presidential election, independent counsel Robert Mueller has initiated a maj
Send Letter to Editor
2017-06-09
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-09-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 11, 2017 Edition 
   Comey Testifies This week, Former FBI Director James Comey testified before the Senate Intelligence Committee on Thursday. While he confirmed that there is no evidence of any wrongdoing by Trump, he raised the issue of "whether a person so creep
Send Letter to Editor
2017-06-02
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-02-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 4, 2017 Edition 
   Pullout from Paris Climate Accord Widely Denounced This week, President Trump announced that the United States is pulling out of the Paris Climate Accord. The move was widely denounced. Former President Barack Obama, who unilaterally committed
Send Letter to Editor
2017-05-26
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-26-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 28, 2017 Edition 
   Democrat Enraged Over Revived Interest in Rich Murder Long-time Democratic Party operative John Podesta proclaimed former House Speaker Newt Ginrich's speculation that DNC staffer Seth Rich may have been assassinated "disgusting." "After
Send Letter to Editor
2017-05-19
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-19-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 21, 2017 Edition 
   Media Assails Trump's "Witch Hunt" Accusation President Donald Trump's accusation that the media have subjected him to "the worst witch hunt ever experienced by an American politician" was assailed by NBC's Lester Holt as "wrong in so
Send Letter to Editor
2017-05-12
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-12-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 14, 2017 Edition 
   Controversy Over Comey Dismissal This week President Donald Trump fired FBI Director James Comey. Democrats who previously had called for Comey's departure denounced the move. Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn), Vice Chairman of the Democratic Nationa
Send Letter to Editor
2017-05-05
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-05-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 7, 2017 Edition 
   GOP Health Care Bill Called "Death Sentence for Millions" The House passage of the American Health Care Act, the GOP's alternative to Obamacare, was labeled a "death sentence for millions" by Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass), "people will
Send Letter to Editor
2017-04-29
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-29-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 30, 2017 Edition 
   ACLU Wants to Force Hospitals to Perform Sex Change Surgery Last year, Mercy San Juan Medical Center in Carmichael, California refused to remove the uterus of Evan Michael Minton. Minton is in the process of transitioning from female to a simulate
Send Letter to Editor
2017-04-21
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-21-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 23, 2017 Edition  
   Murderer Demands Release as "Reparation for Slavery" Kori Ali Muhammad, the man under arrest for four murders, demanded he be released as "reparation for slavery. Whites enslaved millions of blacks and killed thousands of them. The four whit
Send Letter to Editor
2017-04-14
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-14-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 16, 2017 Edition 
   Merkel Explains Terror Policy Facing a tough reelection campaign, German Chancellor Angela Merkel struggles to convince voters that her open borders approach to Muslim immigrants hasn't been a disaster. In an interview published in a German magazi
Send Letter to Editor
2017-04-08
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-08-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 9, 2017 Edition  
   Chelsea Clinton Gives Career Advice Former First Daughter Chelsea Clinton touted herself as "a working model of what a young woman needs to do to succeed in today's world. I know that a lot of women in my generation are pretty bummed about my Mo
Send Letter to Editor
2017-03-31
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-31-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 2, 2017 Edition  
   Congresswoman Defends Government Surveillance of Trump This week's revelation by Democratic operative Evelyn Farkas that the Obama Administration had the Trump campaign under surveillance and shared the information gathered with the Hillary Clinto
Send Letter to Editor
2017-03-24
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-24-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 26, 2017 Edition 
   Senator Dubs 1973 Roe vs. Wade "Super Precedent" In an attempt to disqualify prospective Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch, Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif), the ranking Democrat on the Judiciary Committee, anointed 1973's Supreme Court decisi
Send Letter to Editor
2017-03-17
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-17-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 19, 2017 Edition 
   NY Dems Propose "Memory Hole" Legislation New York State Assemblyman David Weprin (D-Hollis) State Sen. Tony Avella (D-Queens) have introduced legislation that would empower the state government to order the erasure of Internet content that is
Send Letter to Editor
2017-03-10
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-10-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 12, 2017 Edition by John Semmens 
   Pelosi Warns of an American Holocaust A Bureau of Labor Statistics report indicating that more than 900,000 have left the ranks of the leisure class and joined the workforce since Trump's inauguration was cast as "the start of an American holoca
Send Letter to Editor
2017-03-03
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-03-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 5, 2017 Edition 
   Obama to Receive "Profiles in Courage" Award The Kennedy Presidential Library's annual "Profiles in Courage" Award for 2017 will go to former President Barack Obama. The Award, named after the 1957 Pulitzer Prize winning book ghost written
Send Letter to Editor
2017-02-24
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-24-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 26, 2017 Edition 
   Montana Governor Blocks Right to Bear Arms Montana Governor Steve Bullock (D) vetoed legislation that would have made the state a "Constitutional carry" state. That is, individuals would be permitted to exercise their right to bear arms as def
Send Letter to Editor
2017-02-17
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-17-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 19, 2017 Edition 
   Dems Plan to Block Trump's Immigration Policy In a move likely to prove even more futile than the repeated GOP Congress' attempts to repeal Obamacare while Obama was president, Senate Democrats have introduced legislation that would negate Trump's
Send Letter to Editor
2017-02-10
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-10-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 12, 2017 Edition 
   Court Disallows Trump Effort to Block Dangerous Foreigners This week the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit upheld a lower court's blockage of President Donald Trump's Executive Order instituting temporary restraints on the entry of foreign
Send Letter to Editor
2017-02-04
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-04-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 5, 2017 Edition 
   Berkeley Mayor Justifies Riots While Berkeley Mayor Jesse Arreguin expressed regret that "the anger of those opposed to allowing a hateful white nationalist may have been a little too exuberant, we must acknowledge their constitutional right to
Send Letter to Editor
2017-01-27
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-27-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: January 29, 2017 Edition 
   Mexican President Vows to Protect Illegals Living in the US Irate that US President Donald Trump "is upending the convivial relationship our two countries enjoyed while Obama held the presidency," Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto vowed
Send Letter to Editor
2017-01-20
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-20-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: January 22, 2017 Edition 
   Sanders Says American Poor Worse off than Poor Anywhere Else Despite the fact that the living standards of those in poverty in the United States exceed the standards of the middle class in most countries, recent Democratic presidential candidate S
Send Letter to Editor
2017-01-13
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-13-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: January 15, 2017 Edition 
   DOJ Inspector General to Probe FBI Department of Justice Inspector General Michael Horowitz announced "an in-depth probe of the strange pre-election day behavior of FBI Director James Comey. Despite the Attorney General's clear wishes that there
Send Letter to Editor
2017-01-06
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-06-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: January 8, 2017 Edition 
   Man Tortured in Anti-Trump Protest An 18-year-old mentally challenged man was tortured for two days by Black Lives Matter-inspired criminals as "a protest against the racist Trump Administration." Four Chicago millenials--Jordan Hill, 18, Tes
Send Letter to Editor
2017-01-02
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-02-2017 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: January 1, 2017 Edition 
   Obama Blames Russia for Exposing Anti-Israel Move With a rash of news stories popping up contradicting the Obama Administration's denial that the recent UN vote against Israeli settlements was, in fact, organized and led by Administration official
Send Letter to Editor
2016-12-23
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-23-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: December 25, 2016 Edition 
   Ivanka Trump Harassed On-Board a JetBlue plane at JFK Airport in New York City for a planned family vacation in Hawaii, Donald Trump's eldest daughter Ivanka was accosted by another passenger Dan Goldstein, a Brooklyn lawyer. Goldstein's harangue
Send Letter to Editor
2016-12-16
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-16-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE December 18, 2016 Edition 
   RNC Averts Hack that Duped DNC Amid all the caterwauling from Democrats about Russians supposedly hacking the Democratic National Committee's computer system comes a report from the Republican National Committee that a similar attempt on their com
Send Letter to Editor
2016-12-09
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-09-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: December 11, 2016 Edition 
   France Censors Anti-Abortion Advocates The award-winning "Dear Future Mom" video featuring children with Down Syndrome making the case for the value of their lives was banned from TV by France's Conseil d'État (State Council). According t
Send Letter to Editor
2016-12-02
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-02-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: December 4, 2016 Edition 
   Senator Desperate to Pass "Lame Duck" Bills Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) has joined with Sen. John McCain (R-Az) to modify the recently passed Justice Against Sponsors of Terror Act (JASTA). This law allows victims of terrorist attacks to sue th
Send Letter to Editor
2016-11-25
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-25-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: November 27, 2016 Edition 
   Democratic Party Doesn't Need White People In a bid to simplify the race for who will be the next chairperson of the Democratic National Committee, former Bernie Sanders for President spokeswoman Symone Sanders advised melanin deficient aspirants
Send Letter to Editor
2016-11-18
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-18-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: November 20, 2016 Edition 
   Micro-Aggression Terror at Starbucks Customers and staff at a Portland, Oregon Starbuck's coffee shop endured a moment of pure terror when another customer asked for the name "Trump" to be written on his order. "This used to be a safe spa
Send Letter to Editor
2016-11-11
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-11-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: November 13, 2016 Edition 
   Trump Win Sparks Left-Wing Protests Donald Trump's surprising upset win over his heavily favored Democratic rival Hillary Clinton has sparked disturbing responses from some of her supporters. In Oakland, California anti-Trump protesters battled wi
Send Letter to Editor
2016-11-04
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-04-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: November 6, 2016 Edition 
   Hillary's Unsecure Email System Breached FBI agents examining the trove of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's emails on a lap-top computer seized from sexter Anthony Weiner reportedly have discovered that the emails show signs of being ha
Send Letter to Editor
2016-10-29
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-29-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: October 30, 2016 Edition 
   Renewed FBI Probe Riles Democrats This week FBI Director James Comey announced it might have to revisit the criminal investigation into former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's emails. "In the course of our investigation on another case we ca
Send Letter to Editor
2016-10-21
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-21-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: October 23, 2016 Edition 
   DNC Chair Assails Videos of Democrat Election Fraud The Democratic National Committee Chairperson Donna Brazile assailed videos from Project Veritas declaring that "these stolen tapes should not be permitted to be viewed by voters prior to the e
Send Letter to Editor
2016-10-15
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-15-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: October 16, 2016 Edition 
   Clinton Campaign Calls Wikileaks "Violation of Constitutional Rights" The flood of emails obtained from Clinton confidants detailing repeated instances of illegal, dishonest, and despicable behavior has provoked a howl of protest from the Clin
Send Letter to Editor
2016-10-08
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-08-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: October 9, 2016 Edition 
   Clintons Mock Trump's Lewd Conversation from 2005 A Washington Post story about a lewd conversation between Donald Trump and Billy Bush of "Access Hollywood" in 2005 was viewed with scorn and derision by both Bill and Hillary Clinton. Bill
Send Letter to Editor
2016-10-01
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-01-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: October 2, 2016 Edition 
   FBI's Latest Email Disclosure Has Surprising Content Within the latest Friday evening document "dump" from the FBI was evidence that Hillary Clinton's lawyers deleted 1,000 emails between General David Patraeus. At the time Hillary was Secreta
Send Letter to Editor
2016-09-23
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-23-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 25, 2016 Edition 
   Post Warns Trump Election "Blows Chance for Confronting Russia" Jackson Diehl, deputy editorial page editor of the Washington Post, issued a stern warning to voters that "the election of Donald Trump would risk undermining our opportunity to
Send Letter to Editor
2016-09-17
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-17-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 18, 2016 Edition 
   Trump Backs Off Claim Obama Wasn't Born in the US This week GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump backed away from his previous questioning of President Obama's birthplace. His announcement was greeted by an outpouring of venom from assorted Dem
Send Letter to Editor
2016-09-10
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-10-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 11, 2016 Edition 
   Chelsea Can't Fathom Why People Think Her Mom is Untrustworthy Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton's daughter went on ABC's The View talk show to express her dismay at polls showing that a huge majority of Americans consider her moth
Send Letter to Editor
2016-09-02
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-02-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 4, 2016 Edition 
   FBI Admits Suspected Brain Damage Was Factor in "No Indictment" Decision It was revealed this week that suspected brain damage was a key factor in FBI Director James Comey's decision to recommend against indicting former Secretary of State Hil
Send Letter to Editor
2016-08-27
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-27-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 28, 2016 Edition  
   Clinton Foundation Called "Economic Dynamo" Revelations that the Hillary Clinton-led US State Department granted favors to governments, corporations, and individuals that made donations to the Clinton Foundation have stirred concerns that a Cl
Send Letter to Editor
2016-08-19
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-19-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 21, 2016 Edition  
   Trump Visit to Louisiana Disaster Area Panned by Dems GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump's visit to flood ravaged areas of Louisiana was panned by Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest as "a virtual usurpation of President Obama's prero
Send Letter to Editor
2016-08-12
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-12-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 14, 2016 Edition 
   McCain Assails Trump's Crediting Obama & Clinton for Rise of ISIS Arizona Senator John McCain (R) took issue with GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump's statement that President Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton were co-founders of ISI
Send Letter to Editor
2016-08-05
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-05-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 7, 2016 Edition 
   Obama Disputes Iran Ransom Claim President Obama disputed claims that a planeload of $400 million in cash sent to Iran was a payment for the release of four Americans held hostage by the regime. He dismissed the simultaneous arrival of the plane c
Send Letter to Editor
2016-07-29
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-29-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 31, 2016 Edition  
   Obama Hails Economic Progress During His Administration In his speech at the Democratic Convention President Obama contended that "by so many measures, our country is stronger and more prosperous than it was when we started." Unfortunately, a
Send Letter to Editor
2016-07-22
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-22-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 24, 2016 Edition 
   Obama Says Trump's Perception of America Skewed President Obama took issue with Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump's portrayal of a country in crisis, calling it "dangerously skewed from reality." "By highlighting a few incident
Send Letter to Editor
2016-07-15
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-15-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 17, 2016 Edition 
   Hillary Calls Trump "Divisive" and "Unfit" Amidst polls showing her lead over GOP rival Donald Trump dwindling, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton warned voters against "the most divisive and unfit candidate in our nation's histor
Send Letter to Editor
2016-06-24
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-24-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 26, 2016 Edition  
   Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton brushed off new revelations that the 30,000 "personal" emails she deleted may have included official Department business as "nothing to concern the American people."
Send Letter to Editor
2016-06-17
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-17-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 19, 2016 Edition 
   Former Senator Questions Need for So Many Armed Federal Agents Former Senator Tom Coburn (R-Okla) wrote an op ed for the Wall Street Journal in which he raised the question of why so many federal agents are authorized to carry weapons. In the op e
Send Letter to Editor
2016-06-10
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-10-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 12, 2016 Edition  
   State Department Warns Israel Not to Inconvenience Palestinians Mark Toner, spokesman for the US State Department, issued a statement condemning the terrorist attack on a shopping mall that killed four Israelis, but simultaneously warned Israel to
Send Letter to Editor
2016-06-03
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-03-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 5, 2016 Edition 
   Obama Says He's Not a "Gun Grabber" In response to an audience member's concern that Democrats want to take guns away from law-abiding people, President Obama sought to reassure the man that his fears were exaggerated. "The notion that I,
Send Letter to Editor
2016-05-27
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-27-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 29, 2016 Edition  
   President Suggests Hillary's Email "a Matter for Voters to Decide" Irritated that the media would dare to pose a question about the legality of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's unsecured email communications, President Obama refused
Send Letter to Editor
2016-05-20
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-20-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 22, 2016 Edition  
   ACLU Bemoans Court's Pro-Choice Decision This week Nevada District Judge Eric Johnson dismissed the ACLU's case against the state's school choice law. A change to Nevada statutes creating an education savings account (ESA) program that permits stu
Send Letter to Editor
2016-05-14
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-14-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 15, 2016 Edition 
   Debate on Pot Legalization Heats up in California The debate over a California initiative to legalize recreational marijuana sparked heated rejoinders from both sides this week. Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R) suggested that legalization "will bett
Send Letter to Editor
2016-05-06
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-06-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 8, 2016 Edition 
   Moderate Muslims Are "Uncle Toms" Says London Mayor-Elect London's newly elected mayor, Labour Party candidate Sadiq Khan, vows he will "establish the order prescribed by the Quran" when he takes office later this year. "Mohamed instr
Send Letter to Editor
2016-04-30
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-30-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 1, 2016 Edition  
   Obama Calls His Management of the US Economy "Best in Human History" Despite declines in labor force participation, family income and home ownership juxtaposed to increases in poverty, debt, and health care costs, President Obama maintains tha
Send Letter to Editor
2016-04-22
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-22-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 24, 2016 Edition 
   Virginia Governor Enfranchises Felons Saying he is tired of waiting for the legislature to take action, Gov. Terry McAuliffe (D-Va) issued an executive order restoring voting rights to convicted felons. The move is expected to add more than 200,00
Send Letter to Editor
2016-04-15
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-15-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 17, 2016 Edition  
   Sanders Says Unemployment a "Viable Weapon in War against Global Warming" In Thursday's debate, Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders (S-Vt) wowed the Party faithful by promising that "economic dislocation and job losses will
Send Letter to Editor
2016-04-08
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-08-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 10, 2016 Edition 
   Army Chief Opposes Private Weapons for Troops In testimony before a congressional committee investigating the murders of military personnel at military facilities, Army Chief of Staff General Mark Milley told Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) that he was opp
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2016-04-01
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-01-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 3, 2016 Edition  
   Rove Calls for "Fresh Face" to Get GOP Nomination Karl Rove, former campaign adviser to President George W. Bush, suggested that "Republicans need to look outside the current crop of candidates vying for the Party's nomination and pick a 'fr
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2016-03-25
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-25-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 27, 2016 Edition 
   Obama Minimizes Differences Between Communism & Capitalism In a speech to Argentinian youths, President Obama characterized the long-running battle between capitalism and communism as "an interesting intellectual argument that should have no bea
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2016-03-18
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-18-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 20, 2016 Edition 
   Hillary Calls Woman "Poor Shopper" When Teresa O'Donnell of Powell, Ohio took the opportunity at a CNN town hall to complain that Obamacare's costs were hurting her family, Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton suggested the woman
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2016-03-11
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-11-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 13, 2016 Edition 
   Dem Candidates Agree on Abortion The two Democratic contenders for the Party's 2016 presidential nomination fended off the possibility that states should have any leeway in limiting abortions carried out within their borders. In a statement eer
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2016-03-04
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-04-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 6, 2016 Edition  
   State Dept to Wait Until After Election to Evaluate Hillary's Emails The US State Department announced that it will be deferring further analysis of the security implications of former Secretary Clinton's unauthorized and illegal transfer of class
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2016-02-26
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-26-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 28, 2016 Edition 
   Trump Campaign Receives Boost from Sharpton Donald Trump's bid to become president received a boost from an unexpected source when racist loon Al Sharpton promised to leave the country should Trump be elected. According to Sharpton, his pledge
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2016-02-20
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-20-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 21 2016 Edition 
   Battle Over Supreme Court Vacancy Looms The inconveniently timed death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia last weekend has set the stage for a major confrontation over the appointment of his successor. On the one hand, President Obama has ass
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2016-02-12
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-12-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 14, 2016 Edition 
   Mosque Weapon Seizure Called Discriminatory Raids by French authorities have resulted in the confiscation of hundreds of war-grade weapons from numerous mosques throughout the country. The raids were inspired by the November 13th Islamic terrorist
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2016-02-05
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-05-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 7, 2016 Edition 
   New Clinton Defense on Email Scandal: "Everybody Did It" A recent discovery that former Secretaries of State Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice may have received a handful of classified emails on their private computers prompted Democratic pres
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2016-01-29
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-29-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: January 31, 2016 Edition 
   DOJ to Investigate Oscars The absence of blacks, gays, and transgenders from the ranks of those nominated for this year's Academy Awards has spurred outrage among cultural elites. Hollywood power couple Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith announced
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2016-01-22
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-22-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: January 24, 2016 Edition 
   Sanders Calls for Nationalized Health Care Riding on the crest of poll numbers showing a surge for his presidential bid, Sen. Bernie Sanders (S-Vt) upped the ante vs. rival former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton by calling for a nationalization
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2016-01-15
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-15-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: January 17, 2016 Edition 
   NY Dems Demand Conservatives Leave State While at odds over whether the State or the City should get to expropriate citizens' wealth, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo (D) and New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio (D) both agree that "there is no plac
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2016-01-08
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-08-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: January 10, 2016 Edition 
   German Government Flummoxed by Muslim New Year's Eve Assaults On New Year's Eve, gangs of Muslims immigrants accosted, groped, assaulted, robbed, and raped women in Berlin, Cologne, Hamburg, Stuttgart, and Dusseldorf, Germany. Local police were un
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2016-01-01
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-01-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: January 3, 2016 Edition 
   Hillary Doubles Down on Benghazi Lies Despite substantial evidence to the contrary, former Secretary of State and current contender for the Democratic Party's presidential nomination Hillary Clinton insists that she is the one telling the truth ab
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2016-01-01
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-01-2016 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: Best of 2015, part III 
   Democrat Says Drop Benghazi Investigation Member of the House Select Committee on Benghazi Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) is calling for an end to the investigation. As Schiff sees it, "the hearings can serve no useful purpose. Closing them down wil
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2015-12-30
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-30-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: Best of 2015, part II 
   Baltimore Mayor Apologizes for Calling Rioters "Thugs" Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake, whose infamous order to police to "give protesters space to destroy," sheepishly apologized to residents who participated in looting stores, b
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2015-12-29
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-29-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: Best of 2015, part I 
   Obama Gives Himself an A+ for Performance Despite characterizing himself as a "hard grader," President Obama rated his performance for the recently concluded 2014 an "A+." "My critics want to harp on their pet issues to claim my Administra
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2015-12-18
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-18-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: December 20, 2015 Edition 
   Sanders Campaign Breach Called "Most Serious Threat Ever" Due to a temporary lapse of a "firewall" in the Democratic National Committee's (DNC) database, the Sanders campaign was able to access confidential information on the Clinton campa
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2015-12-12
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-12-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: December 13, 2015 Edition 
   Administration Defends Initial Moves Following San Bernardino Terrorist Attack December 2's murder of 14 and wounding of 21 at an office holiday party by Syed Rizwan Farook and his wife Tashfeen Malik in San Bernardino, California was immediately
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2015-12-04
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-04-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: December 6, 2015 Edition 
   California Massacre Sparks Diverse Reactions A paramilitary assault by Syed Rizwan Farooq and his wife Tashfeen Malik on an office Christmas party in San Bernardino, California on Wednesday that left 14 dead and 21 more wounded has sown confusion
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2015-11-27
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-27-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: November 29, 2015 Edition 
   Obama Blames Media for Perception that Islamic Terror Is a Problem Frustrated by the growing exasperation of Americans with his feckless foreign policy, President Obama told members of his inner circle of advisers that he blames the media for "c
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2015-11-20
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-20-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: November 22, 2015 Edition 
   Reid and Obama Vow to Block Bill on Refugee Vetting Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) and President Obama vowed they would block a House-passed measure to increase scrutiny of refugees from Syria and Iraq. Concern that terrorists might be
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2015-11-13
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-13-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: November 15, 2015 Edition 
   University Students Rally for Tyranny The protests at the University of Missouri that resulted in the ouster of President Tim Wolfe and Chancellor R. Bowen Loftin have reinvigorated student movements against freedom of speech across the nation.
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2015-11-06
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-06-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: November 8, 2015 Edition 
   Hillary Boasts "I Am Unstoppable" In an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel's late night talk show, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton proclaimed her election next year as "inevitable. Nominally, Bernie Sanders is still in the race, but since he
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2015-10-31
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-31-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: November 1, 2015 Edition 
   Senators Question IRS Spying Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) and ranking member Patrick Leahy (D-Vt) sent a letter to Treasury Secretary Jacob Lew demanding to know why the IRS is using secret cellphone tracking systems
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2015-10-23
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-23-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: October 25, 2015 Edition by John Semmens 
   Clinton Blames Stevens for Own Death In testimony before the House Committee on Benghazi former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton laid the blame for the Benghazi debacle squarely on slain Ambassador Christopher Stevens. "He was the person on-th
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2015-10-16
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-16-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: October 18, 2015 Edition 
   Germany Struggles to Make Immigrants Feel Welcome Germany is taking some extraordinary steps to try to accommodate an estimated 1.5 million Muslim immigrants that will enter the country this year. In a number of locations German students have b
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2015-10-09
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-09-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: October 11, 2015 Edition 
   Christian Refugees to Be Deported The Obama Administration has decided that Christian refugees from areas occupied by the Islamic State will be deported back to the war zone. Meanwhile, tens of thousands of Muslims fleeing the region will be given
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2015-10-02
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-02-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: October 4, 2015 Edition  
   ACLU Sues Catholic Hospitals Catholic hospitals' refusal to perform birth control services that run counter to the Church's beliefs came under fire from the American Civil Liberties Union this week as it launched a lawsuit aimed at compelling thes
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2015-09-25
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-25-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 27, 2015 Edition 
   Boehner Resignation Unleashes Cascade of Caterwauling House Speaker John Boehner's (R-Ohio) announcement that he is resigning from Congress effective October 30th was followed by a torrent of tears in Washington. Leading the sob fest, of course, w
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2015-09-19
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-19-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 20, 2015 Edition 
   Scientists Urge President to Prosecute Global Warming Skeptics A gaggle of university climatologists have written to President Obama and Attorney General Loretta Lynch urging them to prosecute people who continue to contradict the "scientific co
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2015-09-04
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-04-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 6, 2015 Edition by John Semmens 
   Democrat Says Drop Benghazi Investigation Member of the House Select Committee on Benghazi Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) is calling for an end to the investigation. As Schiff sees it, "the hearings can serve no useful purpose. Closing them down wil
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2015-08-28
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-28-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 30, 2015 Edition 
   EPA to Defy Judge Judge Ralph Erickson of the District Court for the District of North Dakota granted plaintiffs an injunction against the Environmental Protection Agency's implementation of new navigable waterways regulations that were set for im
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2015-08-21
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-21-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 23, 2015 Edition by John Semmens 
   Bush Endorses Universal Surveillance In a bid to position himself as the "Big Brother" candidate in juxtaposition to what he characterized as the "Angry Uncle" candidacy of Donald Trump, former Florida Governor Jeb Bush called for an end t
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2015-08-15
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-15-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 16, 2015 Edition 
   Carson, BLM Clash on Issues GOP presidential hopeful Dr. Ben Carson and leaders of the Black Lives Matter movement clashed this week following Carson's assertion that BLM is "creating strife." As Carson sees it, "Blacks have been led down a
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2015-08-07
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-07-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 9, 2015 Edition  
   Russian Calls for War Crimes Inquiry into Atom Bombs Dropped by US Russian legislator Sergei Naryshkin called for an international military tribunal to open an investigation of the United States' bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945, calling
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2015-07-31
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-31-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 2, 2015 Edition 
   Kerry Insists that "Death to America" Is Just Rhetoric In his continuing quest to sell Congress on what House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) labeled a "diplomatic masterpiece," Secretary of State John Kerry tried to reassure the Ho
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2015-07-25
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-25-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 26, 2015 Edition 
   Administration Says Failure to Accept Iran Deal Means War The Obama Administration denounced Congressional opposition to its Iranian deal, saying that failure to accept the pact would lead to war. "Secretary of State John Kerry has assured th
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2015-06-26
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-26-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 28, 2015 Edition 
   Supreme Court Rewrites Obamacare Acknowledging that the original Affordable Care Act "was so poorly written as to be utterly infeasible in its implementation," Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts took "the liberty of rewriting it to cor
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2015-06-12
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-12-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 14, 2015 Edition 
   Angry Obama Vows Vengeance against Trade Bill Opponents Alternating between tears and venom, a stunned President Obama ranted against members of his own Party, calling them "faithless turncoats" and alleging that "they are destroying my cred
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2015-06-05
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-05-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 7, 2015 Edition 
   New Candidate for President Vows to Complete Metric Conversion This week, former Rhode Island Senator and Governor Lincoln Chafee announced he is seeking the Democratic nomination for president in the 2016 election. A key factor in his decision to
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2015-05-29
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-29-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 31, 2015 Edition 
   Court Strikes Down Idaho Abortion Limitation An Idaho statute banning abortions after the fetus reaches 20 weeks of age was struck down by the US 9th Circuit Court of Appeals as "an undue burden on a parent's ability to get an abortion."
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2015-05-23
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-23-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 24, 2015 Edition 
   Failure to Disclose $26 Million in Bribes an "Oversight" Says CEO Recent revelations that the Clinton Foundation neglected to report over $26 million in payments from major corporations, universities, foreign sources and other groups was chara
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2015-05-15
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-15-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 17, 2015 Edition 
   Feds Warn Lenders Not to Deny Loans to Welfare Recipients The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB) warned financial institutions that they could be prosecuted if they deny home loans to persons subsisting on welfare benefits. CFPB Direct
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2015-05-09
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-09-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 10, 2015 Edition 
   State Department Declines to Pursue Influence Peddling Allegations Suspicion that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton may have been involved in questionable financial transactions between foreign governments and the Clinton Foundation was br
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2015-05-01
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-01-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 3, 2015 Edition 
   Justice Suggests Allowing Gay Marriage May Not Go Far Enough In oral arguments over whether states should be compelled to recognize gay marriages, Justice Sonia Sotomayor wondered "whether merely permitting gays to marry would be sufficient. The
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2015-04-25
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-25-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 26, 2015 Edition 
   House Speaker Pleads for Hillary to Turn Over Computer Server A new slew of allegations has emerged implying that the Clinton Foundation may have accepted bribes in exchange for Hillary to use her Secretary of State status to influence government
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2015-04-18
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-18-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 19, 2015 Edition  
   Bipartisan Plea for Lynch Confirmation President Obama's nominee for Attorney General, Loretta Lynch, received a vote of support from both media star Al Sharpton and former Florida Governor Jeb Bush this week. Her confirmation has been held up by
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2015-04-10
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-10-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 12, 2015 Edition 
   Work Requirement Pares Maine Food Stamp Recipients Enforcement of a work requirement by Republican Governor Paul LePage's administration has led to 9,000 former recipients being declared ineligible to receive food stamps. Under the work requiremen
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2015-04-05
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-05-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 5, 2015 Edition 
   Rising Sales of US Constitution Put Department of Homeland Security on Alert A surge of book sales that pushed the US Constitution into the top ten best seller list of the Conservative Book Club has caused federal officials to put the Department o
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2015-03-28
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-28-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 29, 2015 Edition 
   Bergdahl Didn't Desert, Lawyer Says While the Army has decided to charge Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl with desertion and "misbehaving before the enemy," his lawyer, Eugene Fidell, contends that Bergdahl never intended to desert. "Sgt Bergdahl had s
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2015-03-20
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-20-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE, March 22, 2015 Edition 
   Obama Exempts White House from Freedom of Information Act Contending that "constant prying by the enemies of this Administration are impeding my ability to smoothly rule this country," President Obama issued a decree exempting the White House
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2015-03-13
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-13-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE, March 15, 2015 Edition 
   Obama Admin May Bypass Congress, Seek UN Approval of Iran Deal This week the Obama Administration has indicated it may bypass Congress and go directly to the United Nations to obtain international approval of its pending agreement with Iran.
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2015-03-06
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-06-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 8, 2015 Edition 
   Dems Label Inquiry into Hillary's Emails "Witch Hunt" The revelation that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's use of an insecure private email account for top secret communications has even liberal commentators concerned. On MSNBC's
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2015-02-27
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-27-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE, March 1, 2015 Edition 
   FCC Issues Secret Regulations for Internet Anxious to rescue the Internet from what Federal Communications Chairman Tom Wheeler called a "regime of anarchy," the FCC approved over 300 pages of new rules designed "to bring order to this disor
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2015-02-21
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-21-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE, February 22, 2015 Edition 
   Government Panel Calls for Measures to Upgrade Our Health The Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee (DGAC) issued a 571 page report outlining its recommendations for transforming Americans' health. Citing persistent high levels of overweight and o
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2015-02-13
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-13-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE, February 15, 2015 Edition 
   Amnesty "Loophole" May Allow Illegals to Vote Secretaries of state from Ohio and Kansas say that the documents--driver's licenses and Social Security numbers--being provided to the illegal immigrants granted amnesty by President Obama open a
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2015-01-31
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-31-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE, February 1, 2015 Edition 
   Congressional Democrats May Boycott Netanyahu Speech While a number of key Democrats were still wondering whether attending Netanyahu's speech to Congress in February would be proper, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) was adamant that
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2015-01-23
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-23-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE, January 25, 2015 Edition 
   White House Outraged over Boehner Invitation to Netanyahu The invitation House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) issued to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to address a joint session of Congress has the Obama Administration in a state of apop
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2015-01-17
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-17-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE, January 18, 2015 Edition 
   Obama Says Armed Response to Muslim Terrorism Wrong Approach While attempting not appear to condone the murder of the Hebdo staff and the Jewish hostages at a kosher supermarket in Paris last week, President Obama blamed France's failure to integr
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2015-01-09
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-09-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE, January 11, 2015 Edition 
   Muslim Terrorism Excused Armed Muslim terrorists slew a dozen unarmed members of the editorial staff of the satirical paper Charlie Hebdo in a raid on the paper's Paris office this week. Though the gunman proclaimed these murders as retribution fo
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2015-01-02
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-02-2015 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE, January 4, 2015 Edition 
   Obama Calls for Truce in Fight Against ISIL Citing reports that troops fighting for the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant (ISIL) may have come down with Ebola, US President Obama called for a halt in all military action against them. "For
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2014-12-30
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-30-2014 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: Best of 2014, Part 2 
   June 8 President Calls Return of Bergdahl a "Mission of Mercy" President Obama continued to insist that Sgt Bergdahl's health was a major factor in his decision to negotiate the exchange with the Taliban. "On the videos I saw he looked
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2014-12-30
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-30-2014 
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE, Best of 2014 
   January 5 New NYC Mayor Vows to "Crush Inequality" Newly inaugurated New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio told those attending the ceremony that he would "put an end to inequality in this City. For too long we have tolerated a situation whe
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2014-12-26
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-26-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, December 28, 2014 Edition 
   GOP to Become Party of "Yes" Incoming Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) brushed off complaints from his Party's conservative wing that his recent actions on the Cromnibus Bill served mainly to enable President Obama's illegal amnes
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2014-12-19
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-19-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, December 21, 2014 Edition 
   Judge Arthur Schwab of the Western District of Pennsylvania ruled that portions of President Obama's unilateral action on illegal immigrants violate the US Constitution's separation of powers. "The alleged grounds of prosecutorial discretion are
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2014-12-12
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-12-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, December 14, 2014 Edition 
   Cromnibus Puts Taxpayers on Hook for Bank Losses The House-passed $1.1 trillion Continuing Resolution contains a clause that exposes taxpayers to a potential $300 trillion liability for bank losses in derivatives trading. The rider to the CR was t
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2014-12-06
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-06-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, December 7, 2014 Edition 
   Obama Takes the Fifth The Obama Administration defied a court order to turn over documents the IRS illegally shared with the White House in its political vendetta against 2500 conservative organizations.
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2014-11-28
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-28-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, November 30, 2014 Edition 
   Obama Contends He Has Shown Restraint on Immigration President Obama characterized GOP critics of his Executive Order granting new rights to illegal immigrants as "excessively whiny. I've been really quite restrained compared to what I could hav
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2014-11-21
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-21-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, November 23, 2014 Edition 
   President's Usurpation of Legislative Authority Hailed by Democrats President Obama's decision to enact immigration reform legislation that Congress has refused to enact inspired some lavish praise from fellow Democrats. House Minority Leader N
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2014-11-14
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-14-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, November 16, 2014 Edition 
   Democrats Disagree over Executive Order for Amnesty Outgoing Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) is crosswise with President Obama over the proper sequence of events regarding amnesty for illegal immigrants. "I have implored the Preside
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2014-11-07
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-07-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, November 9, 2014 Edition 
   President Ready to Use Executive Action for Amnesty Though he did leave open the option of signing an amnesty bill passed by Congress, President Obama vowed to "go it alone if they don't give me what I want."
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2014-10-31
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-31-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, November 2, 2014 Edition 
   Ebola Czar Said to Be "Leading by Example" Since he was appointed as President Obama's "Ebola Czar," Ron Klain has disappeared from sight. Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest tried to reassure the media, saying that "I recognize th
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2014-10-24
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-24-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, October 26, 2014 Edition 
   Amnesty Needed for "Shared Prosperity" Labor Secretary Thomas Perez reassured the National Press Club that amnesty for illegal immigrants will be forthcoming after the mid-term elections. "Right now, it would be too risky for the Presiden
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2014-10-18
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-18-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, October 19, 2014 Edition 
   Troops Being Deployed to Ebola Zone Get Skimpy Training The US troops President Obama has ordered into West Africa to help in the battle against Ebola are receiving a scant 4 hours of training about the virus. Soldiers who have had the training ha
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2014-10-10
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-10-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, October 12, 2014 Edition 
   Former Obama Press Secretary Says GOP Unfairly Exploiting Administration's Failures The incoherence of President Obama's foreign policy and the cascade of domestic policy scandals are being unfairly exploited for political gain according to former
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2014-10-03
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-03-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, October 5, 2014 Edition 
   Obama Nixes Ebola Travel Restrictions Despite numerous urgings, President Obama remains determined not to block entry into the United States by persons who may have been exposed to the deadly Ebola virus. White House Press Secretary Josh Earnes
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2014-09-26
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-26-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, September 28, 2014 Edition 
   School Board to Add Masturbation to Kindergarten Curriculum The Las Vegas School Board has drafted a new sex education curriculum that has some parents alarmed. Part of the new curriculum includes teaching kindergartners and pre-schoolers how to m
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2014-09-19
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-19-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, September 21, 2014 Edition 
   Dem Operative Says Obama Planning "October Surprise" Long time Democratic Party operative Bob Beckel says GOP hopes of taking control of both Houses of Congress will be thwarted by an "October surprise." "Republicans who are counting
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2014-09-12
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-12-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, September 14, 2014 Edition 
   Mexican President Calls Perry Border Policy "Unneighborly" Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto castigated Texas Governor Rick Perry's deployment of National Guard troops on the U.S.-Mexican border as "unneighborly. He's like that Clint Eas
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2014-09-05
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-05-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, September 7, 2014 Edition 
   Kerry Says ISIS Will Be Destroyed Within Three Years US Secretary of State John Kerry predicted that the Islamic State (also known as ISIS and ISIL) would be destroyed within three years. The means: "massive wrongful death lawsuits."
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2014-08-22
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-22-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, August 24, 2014 Edition 
   Congressman Wants to Ban Body Armor Rep. Mike Honda (D-CA) has introduced legislation that would prohibit the sale, use, or possession of body armor by unauthorized persons. "Authorized persons" in Honda's view include government law-enforcement p
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2014-08-15
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-15-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, August 17, 2014 Edition 
   Ferguson Looting Said to Be Fitting Tribute to Michael Brown The emergence of a convenience store security video tape of Michael Brown roughing up the shopkeeper and stealing boxes of cigars was said to vindicate the looting rampage that followed
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2014-08-08
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-08-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, August 10, 2014 Edition 
   Obama Eyes Emancipation Proclamation as Model for Amnesty Executive Order Insiders say that President Obama will use President Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation as the model for his anticipated Executive Order granting amnesty to millions of ill
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2014-08-01
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-01-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, August 3, 2014 Edition 
   CIA Strikes Penitent Pose With the escape route of deniability closed, CIA Director John Brennan grudgingly apologized to Senate intelligence committee leaders for his Agency's covert perusal of their correspondence.
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2014-07-25
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-25-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, July 27, 2014 Edition 
   "Despicable" Anti-Clinton Books Should Be Banned Outraged by the surging popularity of anti-Clinton books overtaking sales of Hillary Clinton's State Department memoir, Clinton spokesman Nick Merrill offered his opinion that "in a just world such
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2014-07-20
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-20-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, July 20, 2014 Edition 
   Roberts Says Wolf "too Inexperienced for Debate" Senator Pat Roberts (R-Kan) continued his refusal to debate challenger Dr. Milton Wolf prior to the upcoming August 5 primary election date on the grounds that "Wolf is not qualified to hold such a
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2014-07-11
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-11-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, July 13, 2014 Edition 
   Administration Requests Budget Increase for Immigrant Bedding Asserting that "it would be inhumane for us to force these innocent immigrant children to sleep on substandard beds," Health and Human Services Secretary Sylvia Burwell has requested an
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2014-07-04
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-04-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, July 6, 2014 Edition 
   Hobby Lobby Wage Boost Rankles Democrats With the liability of being forced to finance employees' abortions taken off its back by the recent Supreme Court voiding of the Obamacare mandate, Hobby Lobby announced it is raising the minimum wage of it
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2014-06-27
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-27-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, June 29, 2014 Edition 
   President Tries to Fend Off Evidence of Incompetence With a cascade of scandals dominating the news, a desperate President Obama pleaded with voters to "not give up hope. The mistakes of a tiny minority can easily overwhelm the good work of the ma
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2014-06-20
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-20-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, June 22, 2014 Edition 
   IRS Head Says Special Prosecutor Would Be Waste of Money Citing a lengthy list of suspicious coincidences"including the most recent loss of critical evidence due to a narrowly focused crash of the computers used by individuals involved in the disc
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2014-06-13
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-13-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, June 15, 2014 Edition 
   Cochran Gears Up for Final Campaign Push Surprised that he is facing a run-off against State Senator Chris McDaniel to represent Mississippi in the US Senate, sitting Senator Thad Cochran (R) made an odd bid to corner the bestiality and animal cru
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2014-06-06
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-06-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, June 8, 2014 Edition 
   President Calls Return of Bergdahl a "Mission of Mercy" President Obama continued to insist that Sgt Bergdahl's health was a major factor in his decision to negotiate the exchange with the Taliban. "On the videos I saw he looked sick," the Pres
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2014-05-30
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-30-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, June 1, 2014 Edition 
   President Not Getting Enough Credit for Foreign Policy State Department spokeswoman Jen Psaki lamented the perception that President Obama's foreign policy has been plagued by incoherence and inconsistency, saying that "President Obama doesn't giv
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2014-05-23
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-23-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, May 25, 2014 Edition 
   Kerry Says Obama Administration “Most Transparent and Accountable in History” In a lightly publicized press conference, Secretary of State John Kerry told members of the Mexican media that “I believe President Obama will go down in history as the
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2014-05-16
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-16-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, May 18, 2014 Edition 
   Industry Group Warns Prescription Costs Will Rise under Obamacare The Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America (PhRMA) reports that a study comparing out-of-pocket costs under Affordable Care Act health insurance policies will likely e
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2014-05-09
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-09-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, May 11, 2014 Edition 
   Democrat Wants Rewrite of First Amendment Concerned that “political speech has gone far beyond the bounds envisioned by the Founding Fathers,” Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) proposes that “we amend the Constitution to correct for unforeseen defici
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2014-05-02
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-02-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, May 4, 2014 Edition 
   Democrats Say Benghazi Is Old News Unworthy of Further Concern The revelation of Obama Administration memos proving that it knowingly perpetrated a fraudulent cover story blaming a little watched video for the attack on the US Benghazi Consulate i
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2014-04-25
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-25-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, April 27, 2014 Edition 
   Administration Exploring Options for Curbing Anti-Muslim Hate Speech The U.S. Attorney for the Eastern District of Tennessee, Bill Killian, says “the Administration is looking into ways we can curb anti-Muslim hate speech. Such speech violates Mus
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2014-04-18
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-18-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, April 20, 2014 Edition 
   Dems Advised to Avoid Talking about the Economy Top Democratic strategist, James Carville, advised Democrats seeking reelection to avoid discussing the economy. “The whole notion of an economic recovery is pure poison to any Democrat hoping to
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2014-04-11
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-11-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, April 13, 2014 Edition 
   State Department Priorities Debated Prior to 2012's attack on Libyan Ambassador Chris Stevens there were numerous rejected requests from the Ambassador for more security. Then Secretary of State Hillary Clinton blamed the repeated rejection of the
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2014-04-04
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-04-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, April 6, 2014 Edition 
   EPA Justifies Experiments Revelations that the US Environmental Protection Agency has been conducting deadly experiments on unwitting volunteers have surfaced. According to the Office of the Inspector General (OIG), the EPA’s experiments exposed i
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2014-03-28
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-28-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, March 30, 2014 Edition 
   Senator Insists Videos of Him Must Have Been Photo-Shopped Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) vociferously denied ever accusing victims of Obamacare of lying about their troubles. He dismissed video evidence of him making such accusations a
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2014-03-21
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-21-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, March 23, 2014 Edition 
   Veep Says Trials and Tribulations of Health Law Qualify President for Sainthood “No one has suffered more than the President over this thing,” said Vice-President Joe Biden commenting on the disastrous Affordable Care Act. “I know it will be hard
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2014-03-14
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-14-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, March 16, 2014 Edition 
   President Admits Obamacare Will Block Access to Many Doctors Despite promising that those who liked their doctors would be able to keep them under Obamacare, President Obama now admits that “in many instances this will not be possible. On balance,
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2014-03-07
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-07-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, March 9, 2014 Edition 
   Seriously Ill Hurt by Obamacare a “Tiny Minority” As the number of seriously ill patients whose access to treatment has been impeded by the Affordable Care Act continues to increase, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius insists th
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2014-02-28
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-28-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, March 2, 2014 Edition 
   Senate Democrats Reject Limits on IRS Intimidation of Political Speech In the midst of the Obama Administration's efforts to “reform” IRS regulations, the Senate Democratic majority rejected language proposed by Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) that wou
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2014-02-21
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-21-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, February 23, 2014 Edition 
   FCC Chairman Says Critics Are Overreacting to New Plan The Federal Communications Commission plan to send “researchers” into newsrooms in order to observe how stories are selected and reported has sparked fears of government intimidation and censo
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2014-02-14
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-14-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, February 16, 2014 Edition 
   Obama Defends “Flip-Flop” on Executive Orders Before he became President, Senator Barack Obama was a strident critic of George Bush's use of Executive Orders to get around Congressional participation in policy making.
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2014-02-07
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-07-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, February 9, 2014 Edition 
   Dems Say Obamacare Will Liberate Millions from Workplace Drudgery Democrats touted a Congressional Budget Office report that projects more than 2 million workers will opt out of full time work because of the Affordable Care Act's subsidies for une
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2014-01-31
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-31-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, February 2, 2014 Edition 
   Dems May Copyright “Obamacare” Name Inspired by the NFL's aggressive action against unauthorized use of the term “Super Bowl,” the Obama Administration is reportedly taking steps to copyright the term “Obamacare.” The most recent example of the NF
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2014-01-24
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-24-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, January 26, 2014 Edition 
   Police Commissioner Says Bludgeoning of Jaywalker Justified New York City Police Commissioner Bill Bratton defended the bludgeoning of 84 year old Kang Wong by City police officers as “fully justified.” The incident occurred as part of the City's
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2014-01-17
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-17-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, January 19, 2014 Edition 
   DOJ Refuses to Press Charges for IRS Abuses After investigating the IRS's discriminatory treatment of the President's political opponents, Barbara Bosserman, a lawyer in the Department of Justice’s civil rights division, has determined that “no ch
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2014-01-10
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-10-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, January 12, 2014 Edition 
   GOP Bill on Obamacare ID Theft Irks White House A Republican bill that would require the Department of Health and Human Services to inform persons whose identities may have been stolen via the Obamacare website was roundly criticized as “defamator
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2014-01-03
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-03-2014 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, January 5, 2014 Edition 
   Difficulty Adding Newborns to Obamacare Not a “Glitch” Says Sebelius While admitting that the process for adding a new baby to a family's Affordable Care Act insurance coverage is “difficult,” Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius
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2013-12-28
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-28-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, Best of 2013 
   President Says “Right of Conscience” Not Valid for Military Personnel “I am the Commander-in-Chief,” Obama explained. “It is every soldier's duty to carry out my orders without hesitation or mental reservation. No religious dogma can be permitted
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2013-12-27
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-27-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, December 29, 2013 Edition 
   Detroit Ruins Draw Tourists to City Detroit's decline into bankruptcy and decay seems to have boosted its desirability as a sight for tourists to visit. Howard Carter, a recent visitor to the City's ruins, was quite enthusiastic, “It's like seeing
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2013-12-20
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-20-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, December 22, 2013 Edition 
   Bill Would Require State Approval to Homeschool Ohio State Senator Capri Cafaro (D-Hubbard) has introduced legislation to boost state regulation of homeschooling. Senate Bill 248 would require that parents be investigated and approved before being
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2013-12-13
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-13-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, December 15, 2013 Edition 
   Secretary Says Insurers Should Waive Premiums While the Government continues to struggle with what seem to be insurmountable problems with the Affordable Care Act's implementation, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius urged insure
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2013-12-06
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-06-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, December 8, 2013 Edition 
   Pundit in Awe of Obama MSNBC's Chris Matthews compared his interview with President Obama to Jesus Christ's return from the dead. “He came among us,” Matthews breathlessly exclaimed. “He shook my hand. He sat right next to me. He answered my quest
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2013-11-29
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-29-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, December 1, 2013 Edition 
   GOP Health Reform Effort Decried House Republican efforts to push the American Health Care Reform Act (HR-3121) were denounced by leading Democrats as “unfair” and “unpatriotic.” The bill would fully repeal Obamacare, allow consumers to purchase i
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2013-11-22
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-22-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, November 24, 2013 Edition 
   Senate Minority Leader “Fighting Mad” Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's (D-Nev) move to eliminate the rule that required a 60 vote majority to end debate has “grievously irked” his GOP counterpart, Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ken). “Ha
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2013-11-15
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-15-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, November 17, 2013 Edition 
   President “Fixes” Obamacare Stirred into action by the threat his signature legislation poses to Democrats' hopes for the November 2014 elections, President Obama agreed to stand behind his false promise that those who liked their health insurance
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2013-11-08
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-08-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, November 10, 2013 Edition 
   Health Secretary's Big Announcement After titillating the media for the past few days with hints of a “big announcement,” Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius told an audience in Atlanta that her office was taking a “historic s
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2013-11-01
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-01-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, November 3, 2013 Edition 
   Press Secretary Insists President Didn't Break Promise As the first wave of Americans are discovering that they can't keep heath insurance plans they like, the impression that President Obama lied to them is seeping into public awareness. Analysts
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2013-10-25
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-25-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, October 27, 2013 Edition 
   GOP Healthcare Bill Denounced Senator Ron Johnson's (R-Wisc) proposed legislation, the “If You Like Your Health Plan, You Can Keep It Act,” was immediately denounced by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) as “out of line.” “This bill woul
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2013-10-18
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-18-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, October 20, 2013 Edition 
   Confident President Opens Immigration Reform Push Buoyed by his recently successful “no negotiation” negotiations with Congressional Republicans, President Obama demanded that “the long overdue and urgently imperative legalization of the millions
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2013-10-11
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-11-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, October 13, 2013 Edition 
   “Journalist” Urges Wall Street to Aid President Political Director of ABC News, Rick Klein, pleaded with Wall Street financiers to “manipulate the markets on behalf of President Obama's efforts to stand against GOP resistance.” “Government spen
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2013-10-04
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-04-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, October 6, 2013 Edition 
   Feds Spare No Expense to Close Popular Tourist Sites Determined to put a real “sting” into the shutdown of the federal government in the absence of Congressional passage of a continuing resolution, the federal government incurred the added expense
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2013-09-27
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-27-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, September 29, 2013 
   Dems Assail GOP Opposition In an interview with CNN, Senior White House Adviser Dan Pfeiffer asserted that House Republicans are “worse than suicide bombers. The damage done by a suicide bomber is normally confined to a few dozen. Even in the case
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2013-09-20
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-20-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, September 22, 2013 Edition 
   President Calls House Vote on Budget “Personal Attack on Me” The House of Representatives' Friday vote to fund everything in government except Obamacare was labeled a “personal attack on me” by President Obama. “I think this is the first time in t
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2013-09-13
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-13-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, September 15, 2013 Edition 
   Dem Says Abortion Clinic Regs “Too Stringent” Virginia's Democratic gubernatorial candidate Terry McAuliffe issued a campaign promise to exempt existing abortion clinics from state health and safety standards. The promise came amid concerns that i
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2013-09-06
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
09-06-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, September 8, 2013 Edition 
   Dems Say President Has Widespread Foreign Backing for Syria Strike Representative Debbie Wasserman-Schultz ,(D-Fla), chairman of the Democratic National Committee, told CNN host Wolf Blitzer that there are “dozens of countries” that will stand wit
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2013-08-30
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-30-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, September 1, 2013 Edition 
   Dems Make Case for Attacking Syria Undaunted by polls showing 80% of Americans opposed to an attack on Syria and undismayed by the UK Parliament's rejection of Prime Minister Cameron's request to join in a US bombardment of that country, key Democ
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2013-08-23
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-23-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, August 25, 2013 Edition 
   President Justifies Usurpations The rising tide of extralegal Presidential edicts bypassing Congress was justified by Obama himself in remarks during a CNN interview with Chris Cuomo. According to the President, “most Republicans tell me privat
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2013-08-16
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-16-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, August 18, 2013 Edition 
   EEOC Vows to Appeal Judge's Ruling This past week, U.S. District Court Judge Roger Titus dismissed the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission's contention that the use of criminal background checks for prospective employees unfairly discriminates
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2013-08-09
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-09-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, August 11, 2013 Edition 
   US Backed Syrian Rebels Reportedly Massacre Women and Children Anti-Assad rebels from the Jabhat al-Nusra Front are reported to have carried out a raid on the Syrian town of Tal Abyad near the Turkish border this past week. Rebel troops are said t
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2013-08-02
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
08-02-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, August 4, 2013 Edition 
   Snowden Asylum Irks Administration Russia's decision to grant a temporary one-year asylum to NSA whistle blower Edward Snowden was described as “unfortunate” and “extremely disappointing” by Presidential Press Secretary Jay Carney. Carney contr
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2013-07-26
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-26-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, July 28, 2013 Edition 
   NSA Demands Passwords and Security Questions/Answers CNET reports that Internet service providers are being pressed by the National Security Agency to turn over users' passwords and security questions and answers to the Government. While many see
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2013-07-19
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-19-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, July 21, 2013 Edition 
   AG Assails Zimmerman Verdict The acquittal of George Zimmerman for the shooting death of Trayvon Martin spurred an incensed Attorney General Eric Holder to vow to rein-in “the senseless concept of self-defense.” A Florida jury decided that Zimmerm
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2013-07-12
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-12-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, July 14, 2013 Edition 
   President to Defy Congressional Cut to Syrian Arms Aid Concerned over evidence that some of the weapons the US has been supplying to enemies of the Syrian government have fallen into the hands of jihadists inimical to US interests, both the House
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2013-07-05
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
07-05-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, July 7, 2013 Edition 
   Obamacare Fiasco Blamed on GOP This past week the Obama Administration unilaterally decreed a postponement in the legislated deadline for implementation of the employer compliance component of the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare). While many have q
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2013-06-28
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-28-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, June 30, 2013 Edition 
   More Government Spying Uncovered The massive invasion of Americans' privacy by the federal government isn't the exclusive turf of the National Security Agency (NSA). Information released in response to a Freedom of Information Act filing indicates
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2013-06-21
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-21-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, June 23, 2013 Edition 
   Congressman Demands “More Balanced” Campaign against Terrorism Representative Jim McDermott (D-Wash) directed pointed criticism at the FBI's focus on Islamic terrorists. His criticism was sparked by a bus ad that featured photos of 16 suspected te
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2013-06-14
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-14-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, June 16, 2013 Edition 
   FBI Says “All Options Are on the Table” for Bringing Leaker to Justice FBI director Robert Mueller promised that his agency “will be taking action against Edward Snowden for disclosing confidential government activities. There is no greater threat
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2013-06-07
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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
06-07-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, June 9, 2013 Edition 
   President Says Gov't Spying on Citizens “a Modest Encroachment on 4th Amendment Rights” Reports this last week that the federal government is compiling records of every phone call made in America and securing copies of every email and Internet pos
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2013-05-31
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-31-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, June 2, 2013 Edition 
   DOJ to Crack Down on Excessive Criticism of Muslims Bill Killian, the US Attorney for the Eastern district of Tennessee, says that social media comments critical of Islam that the Department of Justice deems “excessive” will be subject to “enforce
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2013-05-24
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-24-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, May 26, 2013 Edition 
   Pelosi Absolves President in Spate of Scandals House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) sought to absolve President Obama from any blame in the burgeoning plume of scandals surrounding his Administration by forcefully asserting that “he doesn'
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2013-05-17
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-17-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, May 19, 2013 Edition 
   Attempt to Morph “Bad Luck” into Scandals “Unfair,” Says Carney President Obama's Press Secretary Jay Carney bristled at the suggestion the Administration is embroiled in three major scandals. “What scandals?” Carney demanded to know. “The Preside
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2013-05-10
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-10-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, May 12, 2013 Edition 
   President Tells Grads that Fear of Tyranny a “Mental Illness” In a commencement address to graduates of Ohio State University, President Obama urged them to eschew “the deranged rantings of those who see growth of government as antithetical to hum
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2013-05-03
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
05-03-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, May 5, 2013 Edition 
   Abortionist Kermit Gosnell Not an Anomaly Details on how Dr. Kermit Gosnell dispatched babies who survived late term abortions by “snipping their spinal cords” are as grisly as any contemporary “slasher film.” Unfortunately, the practice of dispos
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2013-04-27
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-27-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, April 28, 2013 Edition 
   Administration Brochure Touts Food Stamp Benefits for Foreigners It was recently discovered that the Obama Administration has been working jointly with the Mexican government to inform that country's illegal migrants to the United States of their
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2013-04-19
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-19-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, April 21, 2013 Edition 
   Boston Bombing Inspires Array of Reactions Department of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano denied that the Administration's 45% cut in the budget for bomb prevention would have made any difference. “As I have said many times before, the greatest
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2013-04-12
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-12-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, April 14, 2013 Edition 
   Obamacare Unworkable, GOP Blamed The unforeseen difficulties of implementing the Affordable Health Care Act (aka Obamacare) have key proponents scrambling for answers. Senator Jay Rockefeller (D-WV), one of the leading writers of the Obamacare
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2013-04-05
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
04-05-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, April 7, 2013 Edition 
   Administration Touts Obamacare as Jobs Engine The complexities of the Affordable Health Care Act (aka Obamacare) are now being hailed as a stimulant for the economy by Secretary Kathleen Sebelius. “The GOP has been trying to lampoon the Health
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2013-03-29
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-29-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, March 31, 2013 Edition 
   Party Donors Warn of “Dire Consequences” for Those Who Let Obama Down A handful of Democratic members of Congress were warned by the Party's big donors to get in line behind President Obama's push for gun-control legislation lest they face “dire c
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2013-03-22
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-22-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, March 24, 2013 Edition 
   Dem Says Aides Face Starvation Because of Sequester A tearful Representative Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-Fla) blamed “heartless Republicans” for the “severe hardships” the sequester is imposing on members of her staff. “Nearly half of my office
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2013-03-15
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-15-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, March 10, 2013 Edition 
   Egypt's Ruling Party Rejects UN Declaration of Human Rights Egypt's ruling Muslim Brotherhood vehemently denounced a United Nations' declaration on women's rights saying it could destroy society by allowing women to travel, work, and use contracep
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2013-03-08
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-08-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, March 10, 2013 Edition 
   McCain Calls Fellow Senators “Wacko Birds” Senator John McCain (R-Ariz) assailed fellow Senators Rand Paul (R-Ken) and Ted Cruz (R-Tex) as “wacko birds” for participating in a 13-hour long filibuster against the confirmation of CIA Director nomine
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2013-03-01
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
03-01-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, March 3, 2013 Edition 
   Sequester Hits, Disasters Loom “Fiscal bloodbath” is how one federal official speaking off-the-record described the early impacts of the much dreaded budget sequester. “We're looking at the cancellation of many mission-critical government activiti
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2013-02-23
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-23-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, February 24, 2013 Edition 
   Administration Lashes Out at Congressmen's Failure to Consume Office Budget Allowance Senator Rand Paul (R-Ken) held a press event to announce he is returning $600,000 in unused funds to the US Treasury. The Senator said he was “proud of the fisca
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2013-02-15
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-15-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, February 17, 2013 Edition 
   CNN Pundit Declares Rubio's Presidential Ambitions “Finished” Florida Republican Senator Marco Rubio's pause to take a drink of water during his rebuttal to President Obama's State-of-the-Union speech was declared “a possible career ender” by CNN'
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2013-02-08
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-08-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, February 10, 2013 Edition 
   Administration Asserts Right to Assassinate Enemies A 16-page internal Department of Justice memo leaked to the media asserts that any person, American citizen or not, can be legally assassinated if “a high ranking White House official deems it wa
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2013-02-01
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
02-01-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, February 3, 2013 Edition 
   Democrats Debate Nuances of Gun Control Vice-President Joe Biden, the man tapped by President Obama to lead his Administration's efforts to push gun control legislation, acknowledged that “Nothing we are going to do is fundamentally going to alter
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2013-01-25
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-25-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, January 27, 2013 Edition 
   Joint Chiefs Looking to Lower Combat Standards Now that Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta has decreed that women may not be excluded from front line combat positions, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Martin Dempsey ordered a review of
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2013-01-18
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-18-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, January 20, 2013 Edition 
   Attorney General Says Requiring DOJ to Comply with Law “Too Risky” Attorney General Eric Holder is asking a federal court to absolve the Department of Justice (DOJ) from complying with the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) because “not to do so wo
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2013-01-11
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-11-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, January 13, 2013 Edition 
   Veep Suggests Platinum Solution to Gun Control In what he called a “stroke of genius,” Vice-President Joe Biden suggested that President Obama could bypass both Congress and the Constitution by using an Executive Order to solve the gun violence cr
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2013-01-04
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
01-04-2013 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, January 6, 2013 Edition 
   Pelosi Defends Doctored Photo A photo of the 61 female members of Congress including the photo-shopped images of four absentees was defended by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) who says that the altered image “more accurately portrayed
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2012-12-31
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-31-2012 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, Best of 2012 (Part 3) 
   Dems Scramble to Explain Obama Debate Defeat Going into this week's first presidential debate Democrats were confident that the most brilliant man to ever hold the office would easily trounce his challenger. However, 67% of voters who saw the deba
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2012-12-29
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-29-2012 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satirical Look at Recent News, Best of 2012 (Part 2)  
   Candidate Admits to Lie, Offers to Do “Community Service” Massachusetts Democratic senate candidate Elizabeth Warren admitted that she falsely claimed Native American status in order to advance her academic career at Harvard Law School"a felony un
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2012-12-28
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-28-2012 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satirical Look at Recent News, Best of 2012 Edition 
   Russia Bans US Adoptions The Russian legislature passed and President Vladimir Putin signed a bill banning the adoption of Russian children by U.S. Families. In a signing statement President Putin asserted that “we cannot continue to subject th
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2012-12-21
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-21-2012 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, December 23, 2012 Edition 
   President Nominates Senator Kerry for Secretary of State Job President Barack Obama tabbed Senator John Kerry (D-Mass) as the person he wants to succeed the ailing Hillary Clinton as the nation's Secretary of State. While the move was not unexpect
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2012-12-14
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-14-2012 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, December 16, 2012 Edition 
   Right-to-Work Passes in Michigan, Violence Feared This week the Michigan legislature passed a “right-to-work” law making the state the 24th to allow workers to abstain from joining a union without losing their jobs. Opponents of the new law are in
Send Letter to Editor
2012-12-07
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
12-07-2012 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, December 9, 2012 Edition 
   Amount Spent on Welfare Exceeds Average Income Data from a Congressional Research Service report reveals that the amount the government spends on welfare per family below the poverty line exceeds the median earned income. The median for earned inc
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2012-11-30
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-30-2012 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, December 2, 2012 Edition 
   President's Laughable Fiscal Plan Called “Will of the People” So-called negotiations to avert going over the “fiscal cliff” got off to an unpromising start when Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner's presentation of President Obama's “plan” generat
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2012-11-23
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-23-2012 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, November 25, 2012 Edition 
   President Omits God from Thanksgiving Address for Fourth Straight Year The fourth year of President Obama's reign maintained his traditional omission of God from the Thanksgiving address to the nation. This break from his predecessors was vigorous
Send Letter to Editor
2012-11-16
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-16-2012 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, November 18, 2012 Edition 
   AG Defends Suppressing Petraeus Scandal Attorney General Eric Holder defended withholding information on the scandal surrounding CIA Director David Patraeus until after the November 6 election. “I know there are those who think that they have a
Send Letter to Editor
2012-11-09
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-09-2012 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, November 11, 2012 Edition 
   NYC Mayor Bans Food Donations to Homeless New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has issued a directive blocking persons from donating food to the homeless in his city. “It's not that we question the generous intent of these donations,” Bloombe
Send Letter to Editor
2012-11-02
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
11-02-2012 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, November 4, 2012 Edition 
   Reid Vows to Thwart President Romney Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) issued a stern warning to voters against electing Governor Mitt Romney as president. “Mr. Romney is touting himself as someone who can work with members of the oppo
Send Letter to Editor
2012-10-26
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-26-2012 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, October 28, 2012 Edition 
   Defense Secretary Justifies Inaction in Benghazi Attack US Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta explained that the US military commander for Africa, General Carter Ham, the chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Martin Dempsey, and himself
Send Letter to Editor
2012-10-19
Opinions
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News 
10-19-2012 
SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News, October 21, 2012 Edition 
   President Humiliates Jon Stewart President Obama's appearance on the Daily Show turned into a major coup for his reelection campaign. Obama inverted host Jon Stewart's gibe about his response to the Benghazi attack with a crushing rebuttal. Ste
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