Swimming Upstream

Dear Gabacho: The 20 Mexicans—because everyone else will do everything possible to let the world know they're not Mexican once the deportation train comes along.

OPEN LETTER TO MEXICANS AFRAID OF PRESIDENT-ELECT TRUMP: Gentle cabrones: fear not. Our raza has gone up against Cortés, Maximillian, Winfield Scott, Porfirio Diaz, the PRI, the narcos, Enrique Peña Nieto, Harrison Gray Otis and Harry Chandler (the founder of the Los Angeles Times and his son-in-law, who owned hundreds of thousands of acres in Mexico and published all sorts of calumny against Pancho Villa, Francisco Madero, and Emiliano Zapata), Maná, the PAN, Joe Arpaio, Pete Wilson, the Salinas de Gortarís, Tlatelolco, the Pastry War, Santa Anna, Victoriano Huerta, Henry Lane Wilson, Álvaro Obregon, Plutarco Elías Calles, NAFTA, Maseca, Rick Bayless, the 1994 devaluation of the peso, the 1986 Mexico City earthquake, Arjen Robben, 7-0 versus Chile in the Copa Ámerica, Landon Donovan, Dos a Cero, Barbara Coe, Hollywood, the Texians, Taco Bell, the pinche rinches, border walls, la migra, the Zimmerman affair, femicide in Juarez, genocide against our indigenous ancestors, the pillaging of our natural resources by the Spanish, gachupines, gringos, Yanquis, Carlos Slim, Jorge Hank Rhon, the Creel-Terrazas family, José Jiménez, the Frito Bandito, "We don't need no steenkin' badges," "Go back to Mexico!," "beaner," "wetback," "illegal alien savage," "invader," los científicos, ICE, the health inspector, soyrizo, ¡Ask a Mexican!, Linda.......