Used to be back in the good old days when things were simple, and America was America, (if you know what I mean), that you could take stock of a man by the length of his beard; Bill O'Reilly determining that Bowe Bergdahl's father was a Muslim terrorist sympathizer based simply on the length of his chin whiskers, for example. Now that's just common sense.

Times have changed, however. Now every time you see a man with a lengthy beard you have to play a quick game of "Terrorist, Hipster, or Red Neck?" before making the right choice to either call the police, or minding your own business and, well, who knows what could happen then? 9/11 II probably.