Have y'all decided if the Monkeypawx is only about fuckin' people or monkees too? 

Theory 1

Because it sure do look like the shingles from where I'm shittin'. And ain't them folks from Pfizer said shingles is an "adverse effect" from the Covaids? 

Theory 2

Or do you reckon the Monkeypawx is a bio-weapon from Russia? I mean, the pawx is only attackin' the cuhntries boycottin' Putin and sendin' money to that actor guy in Ukraine. Also the cuhntries where there ain't no monkeys, only sheep. 

Garddarnit! But ain't we lucky the good folks from Nuclear Threat Initiative (NTI) done write a "scenario planning event" paper in 2021 where Monkeypawx killed 270 million people by December 2023? So the 'Merican Gubmint and the WHO can stand by with ready-made vax-xeens?! 

Well, that happened faster than a knife fight in a phone booth! We the people is grateful for your foresight and vigilance. 

Theory 3

But on the other hand… Some of dem newspapuhrs gone sayin' it's a gay duhsease. Now I gots no problem with no homo-sex-ual, but I ain't no faggot myself. So why's the Gubmint tellin' us all to wear masks again if it's carried sexually? And eye-soh-late? And va-xi-nate? 

I remember, mah cousin Billy's stepdaughter's nephew on the other side – he had dem Eitch Eye Vee back in the eighties. They said he was gonna die but last Friday I saw him fixin' to go muddin' down by the crick – loaded with likker and grinnin' like a possum eatin' a sweet 'tater. 

My mama, bless her heart, always said there was no a vax-xeen for gettin' the gay cooties, 'cause the Gubmint created dem critters from the smallpawx.