Joe will pull out before the first primaries; it will be too late for a grassroots candidate to enter the fray; an establishment stooge will be crowned at the convention. And the name of that lucky winner? Michelle Obama. It's a wild scenario, but if it does happen, please remember that you read it here first.

This anecdote confirms what I've heard from UK sources, too: when governments engage with Biden they feel they are dealing with the face of an administration but not always the person in charge. Were the Democrats to drop him from their presidential ticket, the world would understand. The race is tied, which is too close for comfort; Biden is unpopular; he is ageing before our very eyes (the latest gaffe is that he called the Grand Canyon one of the "nine wonders of the world" - built, if you know your history, by the Phoenicians). Doubts about his capabilities are enhanced by the grim alternative should he expire in office. The charmless Kamala Harris is one of those deeply average people who, unaware that her limited knowledge isn't the sum of human understanding, talks to everyone as if they were simpletons. Her latest pearl was to inform an audience that "community banks are in the community" - a revelation to those who thought they were in the Grand Canyon.

We face a rematch between two unpopular nominees, Biden v Trump, which nobody really wants. So why not ask/force one of them to retire? Assuming it will never, ever be Trump - thanks to various legal troubles, his own choice is now between the White House or prison - it would be logical to persuade Joe to do the decent thing, or else dump him without letting him know. One can imagine a "Good Bye, Lenin" scenario wherein Biden is relocated to a mock-up of the Oval Office and is told he is still president. Nancy Pelosi could be wheeled in from time-to-time to ask if he's any closer to ending the Great Depression.