The way these speculative meme cauldron-bubbles pop up is often reported by the media as fun and harmless.

"Those pesky Reddit traders are at it again," some lobotomized newscaster will say, smiling about the fact that a company burning tons of cash is up 500% in three days for no reason.

But what they fail to point out is that such massive squeezes higher for no reason — happening for the first time in history over the last half decade — are a result of people weaponizing options gamma and a pervasive streak of unsophisticated investors entering the market.

These are symptoms that the market is sick — not that it's working the way it's supposed to.

It seems hilarious to think about, but look back on your own life — how many times have you argued with people about the efficient market hypothesis? How many man-hours have been wasted discussing whether or not the market is liquid, robust, and sophisticated enough to find fair prices for equities all day, every day?

This was argued because at one point, markets were functioning somewhat normally. Today, thanks to options and the passive bid, it isn't. The market is Charlie Sheen in the midst of a manic episode during a nationally televised interview. I dare you to show me the difference between "I have tiger blood" and markets moving higher on the bullshit excuse of "animal spirits". And the difference between "I'm not bi-polar, I'm bi-winning" and "who cares about fundamentals, stock price bro!"

The meme stock phenomenon is the opposite of a functioning market: it's the market purposefully distorting prices because a bunch of teenagers are standing around bored — like it's Friday night at the mall — sitting on their trading apps with nothing else to do but stir up trouble.

And don't get me wrong. I don't think they're wrong for this. Hell, I've discussed publicly how I think the GameStop gamma squeeze was a great way to expose just how flawed the system was — and I've also said I was happy to see it take place, because for me, any short burst of volatility in the market is fun to bear witness to.

Traders have the right to bid up worthless assets as much and as often as they like… I don't have any problem with that. But it should be giving us insight into how the rest of the market is functioning. It's not people going in and buying Kohl's equity or OPEN equity that are driving these stocks higher… It's market makers hedging an obscene amount of call options in both names that's fueling the move.