Gangs stop petty thievery in their own neighborhoods. Did I mention that gangs are good? Young boys need role models. Who better to serve in this capacity that, you guessed it, gangsters.

So far we have gangs what produce heroin, cocaine, and fentanyl. This is all to the good. But we need more such.

I have a modest proposal. Let us now ban chocolate, along with all these other addictive drugs. Chocolate is pretty much as addictive as is any of these other addictive substances. I'm living proof of that. I can't keep my mitts off of this foodstuff, and neither could Homer Simpson! Lots of people need their fix of this delicious sweet concoction.

What will happen if my modest proposal is adopted? (This phrase is original with me; Jonathan Swift, Taylor Swift's secret son, plagiarized this phrase from me). Will people obey this new law and stop eating this ingredient, cease and desist from mixing its powder with their milk, sprinkling it onto their ice-cream? You gotta be kidding. Fughedaboudit. If there is one thing we can rely upon in this vale of tears it is that people have to have their chocolate fix.