John Semmens

SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News

More About: Government

SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 12, 2026 Edition

Gavin Newsom's Empire of Fraud

In an expose written by senior fellow Christopher Rufo at the Manhattan Institute for Policy Research for the Institute's City Journal he wrote "experts and Health & Human Services officials estimated that fraud has consumed between $180 billion and $280 billion of public funds meant to provide heath care, unemployment benefits and general welfare payments."

"While the state's indifferent and careless administration of these programs is the primary culprit, the lax enforcement of the federal government under Biden, and now Trump, bears a share of the blame," Rufo asserted. "Thousands of reports from whistleblowers led to fewer than 100 prosecutions."

A Newsom spokesperson called this expose "utter bulls**t--- from top to bottom. California will keep doing its part to go against fraud, we ask the federal government to work with us to do the same. We're proud that nearly 5% of those who stole these public funds have been successfully prosecuted. The more important question is whether Trump will pardon any of them like he's done for so many before?"

Anti-corruption czar Vice-President JD Vance hailed the prosecution of fraudsters who stole $50 million from California's federal health and hospice subsidies. Vance acknowledged that "this represents less than .0003% of the funds lost to fraud during Newsom's governorship. But it's a step in the right direction. We hope to go a lot further in the next three years."

Government Officials Hampered Investigation of Fraud

In Minnesota, Scott Dexter, who worked as an investigator at the Minnesota Department of Human Services (DHS) from 2013 to 2019, drew attention to widespread fraud in the Minnesota welfare system, saying "the very first daycare that we investigated had received about $3.75 million in one year, and so it was obvious that they were committing fraud. Daycare centers were operating out of commercial spaces with windows covered, no visible play areas, and very few children ever present. We documented patterns of over-billing, nonexistent attendance, and children being signed in for hours they were never actually at the center."

"Unfortunately, because of the pressure that the government was getting from the Somali community, a lot of our investigations were shut down or they made it more difficult for us to investigate, and basically, kind of stripped away the law enforcement power, the law enforcement end of it," Dexter explained. "State officials hampered our efforts to stop it out of fear of how the Somali community would react."

Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Somalia) lambasted the effort to investigate, calling it "racist to the core. Almost every individual targeted for prosecution was one of my Somali constituents--daycare owners, employees, and customers. At the time the rules for federal reimbursement were based on the number of children registered. There was no requirement that any of those registered had to actually attend or participate in any activities held at the centers. The prosecutions were bogus."

In related news, US District Court Judge Eric Tostrud rejected a demand that federal Medicaid subsidies be resumed, saying "though Minnesota credibly complains that the federal government's deferral is historically unprecedented in its size and timing, I conclude on this record that the deferral likely complies with the controlling federal regulations. Given that the state admits fraud is a problem, holding off on resuming the flow of federal funds pending further investigation is prudent."

Poll Shows Voters See Fraud as a Problem

A poll of 1,000 registered voters conducted by Deep Root Analytics found that 87% of those responding were concerned about fraud that misuses taxpayer money. Eighty three percent saw fraud as a factor driving up the cost of living. One respondent pointed out "if crooks are stealing the money the government intended for those in need, taxes will be increased to replace what's what's been illegally taken."

Asked what issues the government ought to focus on, 89% said lowering the cost of living, 84% said making communities safer, 80% said protecting the country from foreign threats, and 65% said enforcing immigration laws.

Poll respondents expressed lack of confidence in governments' efforts to deal with fraud. Seventy percent said more aggressive fraud investigation and prevention measures are needed. Democrats insist that additional anti-fraud efforts could create more problems than the fraud itself.

Dem Vows Vengeance on MAGA

Suzanna Karatassos, a Democrat candidate for a Georgia House seat, pitched herself as "a progressive fighter who will rebuild America by punishing MAGA voters once Trump is gone from the oval office. The people who voted for Trump in three straight elections need to be barred from public discourse by being locked out of internet access for at least the next four years."

"Former President Biden is slandered as a demented nincompoop by Republicans, but he was wise enough to make an effort to pressure social media corporations to censor anti-progressive views," Karatassos reminded everyone. "In 2023, Judge Terry Doughty of the US District Court for the Western District of Louisiana issued an injunction prohibiting Biden administration officials from pressuring social media companies to remove, delete, suppress, or reduce content containing protected free speech. Thankfully, the US Supreme Court overturned Doughty's decision, saying the plaintiffs in the case 'lacked standing to challenge Biden's censorship."

"When Democrats regain a majority in Congress in this November's election we need to codify the Supreme Court's decision in a federal statute so dissent can be more effectively censored before it undermines our nation's democracy," the candidate argued.

In related news, Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif) urged "FBI agents who are breaking the law everyday by following Trump's illegal orders, to publicly denounce Trump if they want to avoid persecution once our Party retakes control of Congress in the Fall. I promise, you will be protected if you come forward now."

Mayor Irked By ICE Arrests

Working in cooperation with the International Criminal Police Organization (Interpol), US Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) arrested five foreigners wanted for murder in their home countries. These arrests included Danny Granado-Garcia (El Salvador), Kele Cristian Alves-Pereira (Brazil), Magno Jose Dos Santos (Brazil), Bryan Rafael Gomez (Dominican Republic), and Altieris Chaves Paiva (Brazil).

Boston Mayor Michelle Wu (D) objected, saying "it was just two months ago that I issued an executive order that explicitly forbade ICE carrying out any of its enforcement activity in my city. ICE is an unconstitutional and violent organization that has been terrorizing immigrants all across the country. Many mayors in our state have issued similar executive orders. So has Governor Healey (D). We are sanctuary cities in a sanctuary state. We want ICE to leave our state free to pursue its own policies."

Department of Homeland Security assistant secretary Tricia McLaughlin called Wu's executive order "legally illiterate. The Constitution assigns immigration enforcement to the federal government. While Mayor Wu continues to release pedophiles, rapists, gang members, and murderers onto the streets, our brave law enforcement will continue to risk their lives to arrest these heinous criminals and make Boston safe again. Her claims of criminal misconduct by ICE law enforcement are false."

Canada Suppresses Criticism of Iran

Former member of the Ottawa Provincial parliament Goldie Ghamari has been warned by Ottawa police to remove her social media posts that criticize the Islamic regime in Iran for oppressing its citizens and funding terrorist attacks around the world or face prosecution. Ghamari is a Canadian of Iranian descent.

Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney explained "while we are opposed to Iran acquiring nuclear weapons we are also opposed to using force or threats of force, as Trump has done, to try to deter Iran's quest to acquire such weapons. Public criticism like that of Ms. Ghamari could make Canada a target for the wrath of the Iranian regime. We need to make serious efforts to discourage remarks of the sort she has made."

Not wanting to go to jail, Ghamari has since deleted her posts explicitly critical of Iran's government. In their stead she has posted a video of an Iranian imam in a mosque wearing a military uniform and holding an anti-aircraft rocket launcher. "Let's see if an accurate video can get past our nation's censors," she said.

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