Body Scanner Operator Caught Masturbating at Colorado Airport (Spoof Alert)
• dailysquib.co.ukAirport officials at Denver International airport were on high alert yesterday when a full body scanner operator was caught masturbating in his booth as a team of High School netball players went through the scanner. (UK's version of "The Onion")
Daily Squib is the UK equivalent of the Onion, only not as immediately apparent as satire or as funny. They actually have more in common with Weekly World News, you might say. Might not want to include this with the serious stories about TSA abuse.
"What do you want to do, get blown up by a goddamn Arab at 30,000 feet or we get to see your private parts? It's up to you, the ball's in your park," head of the TSA's scanning department, Rodney Schroeder, told CNN.
It’s up to me? No sir, the ball is not in my park. Look, sir ... All the balls – young women’s nippled balls behind the bra, and the men’s dangling balls – are all in the eyes of the beholder, except that of your masturbating body scanner operator whose balls and bat were in his hand as he scanned the beautiful bodies of the members of the traveling High School team in Denver’s International Airport.
You didn't even get embarrassed? This is like being blown up by a goddam Arab right there in the airport!
"What do you want to do, get blown up by a goddamn Arab at 30,000 feet or we get to see your private parts? It's up to you, the ball's in your park," head of the TSA's scanning department, Rodney Schroeder, told CNN.
It’s up to me? No sir, the ball is not in my park. Look, sir ... All the balls – young women’s balls behind the bra, and the men’s dangling balls – are all in the eyes of your beholders, except that of your masturbating body scanner operator whose balls and bat were in his hand as he scanned the beautiful bodies of the members of the traveling High School team in Denver’s International Airport.
You didn't even get embarrassed? This is like being blown up by a goddam Arab right there in the airport!
"What do you want to do, get blown up by a goddamn Arab at 30,000 feet or we get to see your private parts? It's up to you, the ball's in your park," head of the TSA's scanning department, Rodney Schroeder, told CNN.
Either way, sir, we get blown up. When you let this sexual pervert man the airport's security body-scanner machine, you don't have to climb 30,000 feet to get blown up. What had blown as up to smithereens is the report that this body-scanner was even wearing condomn in his hands when he started masturbating ... and you even didn't notice it! How can you catch terrorists in your airport security screen when you are stoneblind?