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Body Scanner Operator Caught Masturbating at Colorado Airport (Spoof Alert)

• dailysquib.co.uk
(Spoof Alert)
(UK's version of "The Onion")

DENVER - USA - A full body scanner operator was caught masturbating during a scanning session by airport staff late Tuesday.


Airport officials at Denver International airport were on high alert yesterday when a full body scanner operator was caught masturbating in his booth as a team of High School netball players went through the scanner.

"The young ladies were going through the scanner one by one, and every time one went through, this guys face was getting redder and redder. His hand was moving and then he started sweating. He was then seen doing his 'O' face. That's when the security dragged him out of his booth and cuffed him. He had his pants round his ankles and everybody was really disgusted," Jeb Rather, a passenger on a flight to New York told CBS news.

The controversial scanners display every minute detail of a person's body and have been called intrusive by privacy campaigners. Body scanners penetrate clothing to provide a highly detailed image so accurate that critics have likened it to a virtual porn shoot. Technologies vary, with millimeter wave systems capturing highly detailed pictures of genitals, and backscatter X-ray machines able to show precise anatomical detail. The U.S. government likes the idea because body scanners can detect concealed weapons better than traditional magnetometers.

"What do you want to do, get blown up by a goddamn Arab at 30,000 feet or we get to see your private parts? It's up to you, the ball's in your park," head of the TSA's scanning department, Rodney Schroeder, told CNN.


 

4 Comments in Response to

Comment by Anonymous
Entered on:

"What do you want to do, get blown up by a goddamn Arab at 30,000 feet or we get to see your private parts? It's up to you, the ball's in your park," head of the TSA's scanning department, Rodney Schroeder, told CNN.

Either way, sir, we get blown up. When you let this sexual pervert man the airport's security body-scanner machine, you don't have to climb 30,000 feet to get blown up. What had blown as up to smithereens is the report that this body-scanner was even wearing condomn in his hands when he started masturbating ... and you even didn't notice it! How can you catch terrorists in your airport security screen when you are stoneblind?

Comment by Anonymous
Entered on:

 

"What do you want to do, get blown up by a goddamn Arab at 30,000 feet or we get to see your private parts? It's up to you, the ball's in your park," head of the TSA's scanning department, Rodney Schroeder, told CNN.

It’s up to me? No sir, the ball is not in my park. Look, sir ... All the balls – young women’s balls behind the bra, and the men’s dangling balls – are all in the eyes of your beholders, except that of your masturbating body scanner operator whose balls and bat were in his hand as he scanned the beautiful bodies of the members of the traveling High School team in Denver’s International Airport.

You didn't even get embarrassed? This is like being blown up by a goddam Arab right there in the airport!

 
Comment by Anonymous
Entered on:

 

"What do you want to do, get blown up by a goddamn Arab at 30,000 feet or we get to see your private parts? It's up to you, the ball's in your park," head of the TSA's scanning department, Rodney Schroeder, told CNN.

It’s up to me? No sir, the ball is not in my park. Look, sir ... All the balls – young women’s nippled balls behind the bra, and the men’s dangling balls – are all in the eyes of the beholder, except that of your masturbating body scanner operator whose balls and bat were in his hand as he scanned the beautiful bodies of the members of the traveling High School team in Denver’s International Airport.

You didn't even get embarrassed? This is like being blown up by a goddam Arab right there in the airport!

 
Comment by Carolyn Marbry
Entered on:

Daily Squib is the UK equivalent of the Onion, only not as immediately apparent as satire or as funny.  They actually have more in common with Weekly World News, you might say.  Might not want to include this with the serious stories about TSA abuse.



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