Yabut, there will always be assault something... assault baseball bats, assault fists, assault knitting needles, assault automobiles, assault cops, assault talk, assault  you-name-it. The best thing that we can do is to put everybody, and I mean EVERYONE, into assault straitjackets. Of course, then who would feed us?

We gotta develop robots to feed us first. Then we can put everybody into assault  straitjackets. If we don't develop the robots first, then assault straitjackets will become assault death. Hey! Isn't that what we were really talking about at the start of this article? Assault Death?

Since the result is always assault death anyway, shouldn't we be bringing on the assault rifles?

 We have GOT to do SOMETHING about these assault-blades.  It is time to enter into a discussion about preventing crazy people getting their hands on them; perhaps universal background checks when people try to buy them - perhaps registration - perhaps an outright ban on assault blades over 2 inches long. 

Ignore this. We really need to focus on the guns.