I've been busy these days, and my shoulders hurt from all that digging, so I'm taking a break and I figured, hey, what the heck, why not write a column: because, you see, I'm digging a bomb shelter. Oh yes I am! After all, I've heard – on the internet, where else?! – that the Orange-Haired Monster is about to start World War III, and I'm not about to be taken by surprise, no sirree! Of course, the locale and cause of this impending disaster shifts about quite considerably, depending on what's on CNN's "Trump-is-a-monster" agenda that day: sometimes it's Iran, when Iran is in the news. Other times it's a generic fear, attached to no particular geography: it's just that the Orange-Haired Monster is a mad monster, and so it could happen at any time, anywhere.

Yikes! Gotta keep digging!

In recent weeks, the focus of the carefully sustained panic has been on the Korean peninsula, where North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has been launching increasingly sophisticated missiles and displaying his crude-but-seemingly-effective nuclear technology in order to show that he won't be Gaddaffied.