"He's just going to end up dead anyway," said noted Assembly of Experts member Aziz Mahabad shortly before he was taken out by a tomahawk missile. "So in a way, our new supreme leader is invulnerable. America can do nothing to him."

Iran's new leader, Ayatollah Ful?n, is reportedly the corpse of an unidentified male who they believe possesses a keen masculine energy. "We don't know who Ful?n was before, but he's really doing a dynamite job so far, no pun intended," said interim President Masoud Pezeshkian shortly before he was blown apart by a stealth bomber. "He hasn't ordered anyone to be tortured or beheaded at all. He might be our greatest supreme leader ever!"