Not a creature complained congress was out on vacation

The stockings were hung as they were every year

In hopes they’d be filled with new hi tech gear

The tree laced with tinsel the Christmas cards sent

Credit cards maxed and the savings all spent

I admit we were lit holding drinks that were stiff

Toasting our personal financial cliff

When out in the front shots rang out on the drive

I spilled half my beer hoping Santa was alive

Away to the window I flew like a flash

Bolted the door and hid all my cash

My shotgun a shadow on new fallen snow

I saw a bumping ford Taurus with spinners below

Eric Holder was driving a pace slow and curious

Hooked up with the Zeta cartel fast and furious

As they turned the corner and drove out of sight

I refilled my glass to qet over my fright

Mama in her kerchief had taken her soma

And had just settled down in her drug induced coma

So I checked on the kids then relaxed in my chair

Plastered with joy and the Christmas night air

When again I was shook by a noise on the roof

This time I was angry I had spilled all my hooch

It best be ole Santa or I’m kicking some ass

It’s a party foul to make someone spill their whole glass

So again to the window this time without mama

To my shock in the sky flew Santa Obama

Instead of a slay he was riding a limo

It seems Hillary and Michelle had sent out a memo

There will be no reindeer they won’t pull your slay

 Only sheep will tolerate the ole TSA

So out there in front of the big Cadillac

Tethered to chrome with ole Bo in the back

The members of congress all bleating the same

Teleprompter aglow as Bo called them by name

On Boehner, On Bachmann, On Mc Connell and McCall

On Pelosi, On Frank, but where is Ron Paul?

He’s home on his porch finally getting a rest

Of all of the members, he was the best

Like drones bombing little brown children they flew

Obedient slaves just dropping their poo

Wreaking their havoc like Hurricane Sandy

As loyal as General Pawlenty the randy

So up to the house tops the fluffy ones flew

With a car full of debt and Obama care too

I knew in a flash if I didn’t think quickly

My family was doomed if they ever got sickly

I remembered a video in line at Wal-Mart

I thought of the Patriot Act it was a start

If you see something, say something the old lady said

Finally the solution popped in my head

My eyes how they twinkled with new found intention

I was going to call for indefinite detention

With new vigor and purpose to save all our lives

I grabbed up and spoke to my new IPhone 5

Homeland Security was my demand

Thanking my smart phone for quick voice command

I held for a while but I waited my turn

To talk to a federal agent named Vern

He was surely a redneck a strong southern drawl

An aggie who answered with Howdy and Y’all

I said Howdy back and a big Merry Christmas

Then how is your mama, your kids and your missus

We spoke of his oath, national debt and the Fed

The smile in his voice gave me nothing to dread

So I started right in and gave my report

There’s a terrorist in town a real nasty sort

His car is a limo it’s big and it’s black

A possible drug dealer selling some crack

A car full of dudes and all of them packin

They’re all gettin high and they’re bumpin and rappin

And Vern one more thing and my voice got real deep

This thug and his boys are chasing some sheep

Vern spoke not a word and went straight to his work

Keenly intent on nailing this jerk

And Just when Obama was nearing my house

A commotion so loud it awakened my spouse

I heard them coming not a moment too soon

A swarm of black hawks flew across the bright moon

A swat team and drones that were armed to the teeth

They were shooting at sheep that were eating my wreath

White eyeballs and teeth could clearly be seen

Through dark tinted windows of the black limousine

He heard me exclaim as they all flew away

Take your own medicine the Obama care way

Don’t mess with the sovereign like Comet and Cupid

Cuz even the reindeer know government’s stupid

I popped open a cold one and toasted my rights