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SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 17, 2022 Edition

Disney Corp Defiant

Amidst polls showing that nearly 70% of Americans are appalled by the Disney Corporation's sharp turn to the left, the Company says "we will not be deterred by the forces of ignorance and prejudice. It is long past due that the LGBTQ community receive the acceptance that is proper in our modern society. The message that no one need be forced to endure the fate of an arbitrary assignment of gender rendered at birth is too important to be muted. Bringing this message to five-year-olds via school lessons will continue to be reinforced through our children's programming."

Roy Disney, grandnephew of Walt Disney, professed that he and his wife "were heartbroken when Gov. DeSantis signed the dangerous 'Don't Say Gay or Trans' law in Florida. Our daughter Charlee is transgender and never had a visible role-model growing up. A law making it illegal to indoctrinate students from kindergarten to third grade in the joys of sexual fluidity and the population control potentials of transgenderism and anal sex. We are heartened to see that the Disney Corporation is taking proactive steps to fill this vital information gap."

Disney CEO Bob Chapek expressed confidence that "we can easily weather an American boycott because we have two big things going for us. In the near term we expect our growing share of the Chinese market for our products will offset the loss of American customers. Longer term, we anticipate that the cohort of children already exposed to our LGBTQ themes will exert pressure on their parents to let them have our products and failing that bringing their own children back to us a decade or two down the road."

Perhaps Chapek's optimism might be dimmed a bit by the Chinese government's demand that Warner Brothers cut the gay scenes and dialog from its film The Secrets of Dumbledore. A Company spokesman explained that "the rulers of a country have a right to protect their people from content they regard as perverted. We accommodated that right in order to be able to show our film there." He differentiated this from acceding to requests from Christians in America who find this content repugnant by tersely pointing out that "so far, America's government supports this type of content. President Biden is a big supporter of LGBTQ."

Pandemic Policies Ineffective

A long-term Danish-government-funded study of the effectiveness of the Moderna and Pfizer mRNA vaccines published by the British journal The Lancet found that the vaccines did not reduce all-cause mortality for the vaccinated compared to persons who were not vaccinated. During the study period 74,000 test subjects were equally divided into groups—one group received the real vaccines and the other placebo injections. All-cause fatalities during the trial period were 31 in the vaccinated group and 30 in the placebo group.

Neither group included persons in the so-called high-risk category. Possible explanations for the lack of differentiation for the vaccinated are (1) among low-risk persons the vaccines provided no protection against covid or (2) the adverse effects experienced by those receiving the vaccines offset the small gains against covid achieved from being vaccinated. The obvious implication of either explanation is that the massive investment in vaccinating low-risk populations was a waste of money.

Data from the US Centers for Disease Control (CDC) also showed that vaccinated New Yorkers and Californians were three times more likely to get covid than those who had natural immunity from recovering from a prior infection. Further, CDC data also showed a rise in excess deaths among millennials who were vaccinated. This phenomenon was observed in the military, but was hushed up under Biden Administration orders. None of these cautionary signs affected the Administration's determination to coerce as many people as possible to submit to being vaccinated--the vast majority of whom were drawn from low-risk cohorts.

Dr. Anthony Fauci admitted that "I don't think we're ever going to be able to determine what the right balance is between costs and benefits of all the things we did from lockdowns, to masks, and mandatory vaccinations. In my mind, the most important thing was to achieve unity. In a democracy everyone should be in the same boat. No opting out should be allowed for any reason. That way, kill or cure, we're all on the same page. No one is left behind to suffer untreated or to survive a disaster that uniformly overtakes the whole society."

Meanwhile in China the entire city of Shanghai is locked down. Citizens are confined to their homes. Those who test positive for covid are carted off to quarantine camps if they are humans and shot if they are pets. Many of the confined residents spend their time making animal noises out of their windows. China is Dr. Fauci's model of an enlightened way of dealing with covid.

Feds Complain About Busing Illegals to DC

Fed up with the Biden Administration failure to stem the tide of illegal immigrants flooding into Texas, Gov. Greg Abbott authorized a plan to put them on buses bound for Washington, DC. "President Biden invited them to come to America," he said. "If these immigrants would like to go to our Capital to seek the benefits he promised we'll pay their bus fare."

U.S. Customs and Border Protection Commissioner Chris Magnus called Abbott's plan "unfair. Just because some immigrants want to come to DC doesn't mean that we want them there. The Governor needs to seek our permission before he tries a cockamamie scheme of his own."

Abbott dismissed Magnus' complaint, calling it "hypocritical. The feds have already done more than their share of busing illegal immigrants to cities and states around the nation without giving any advance notice, much less seeking an agreement from receiving mayors and governors. In fact, they've gone to extra effort to conceal what they are doing by using red-eye charter flights that drop their passengers off in the wee hours of the morning to minimize potential witnesses. I've been much more open about what I'm doing."

Magnus was unmoved by the Governor's comparison, saying "we're the feds. We are the supreme law of the land. Whatever we do is legal regardless of whether it makes him or anyone else happy. If he doesn't fall in line we could have him indicted for smuggling illegals into DC. That might dim his reelection bid. Remember Gov, actions have consequences."

Rents 17% Higher than Last Year

While general inflation year-over-year is up 8.5% and producer prices have increased 11.2%, rents in many major cities have gone up 17%.

President Biden says he's "not too concerned. My rent is paid up until January of 2025 and I have an expense account to cover my other needs."

Press Secretary Jen Psaki pointed out that "several other initiatives that the President and other Democrats have taken led to decreases in rent in selected areas. The exodus of residents from high-tax and high-crime cities like New York and San Francisco have eased the burdens of rent in those cities. It has been the Democratic Party that has enabled these lower rents. The above average tax rates in these locations were enacted by Democrats—many times over the strident, but ineffective objections of minority Republicans. The more lenient attitude toward persons accused of committing crimes was another successful initiative of our Party. No-bail release of suspects and early release of convicted felons helped create conditions prompting the fearful to leave town. We hope voters will remember what we've done for them to ensure that rents in Democrat-run cities are not too damn high."

"Republican-run states shunned and often fought against measures we championed," Psaki pointed out. "Now their red-state voters will be the ones to suffer. Once these voters comprehend the folly of voting GOP they will return Democrat majorities in Congress, state legislatures, governors' chairs, city councils, and mayors' offices up and down ballots everywhere."

Musk Ownership of Twitter Called Dangerous

Tesla and Space-X multi-billionaire Elon Musk's efforts to buy Twitter were labeled "dangerous" by Democrat genius Robert Reich. "Musk's plan to allow the unfiltered expression of deviant ideas on Twitter should he seize control of the company threatens the unity we have only recently achieved through the repudiation of Trump and the election of Biden to the presidency."

"Right now Twitter is operated by an elite of the correct-thinking oligarchy," Reich said. "In order for truth to prevail bad speech must be censored so that good speech is not buried under piles of lies. This oligarchy has assiduously protected its users from being exposed to unauthorized information and dissenting viewpoints. Musk would turn it into a cacophony of discordant and opposing opinions. This would give equal treatment for the espousal of wrong thought and lead to the restoration of the kind of freedom of speech that we worked so hard to defeat during the pandemic."

"The prime evidence of Musk's evil intentions is demonstrated by his appeal to shareholders' greed," Reich complained. "By offering them a premium price for their stock he undermines the public service ethos of Twitter's existing managers. Fortunately, that management has enacted a 'poison pill' that dilute the value of the existing stock and thwart Musk's hope that greed would suffice to accomplish his takeover."

Finally, Reich challenged Musk's assertion that he is a free speech absolutist by pointing out "he refuses to read my tweets." Musk called Reich's reasoning fallacious. "Freedom of speech means everyone is allowed to say what he wants to say," Musk argued. "It doesn't require that anyone listen to you. It is the Twitter practice of silencing speech it disagrees with that violates freedom of speech. If I ran Twitter no one would be silenced for disagreeing with me or anyone else and no one would be punished for refusing to read what anyone else tweets."

Pelosi Defends Feinstein

Four Democratic members of Congress, three of whom are senators, say Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif), who is 88 years old, is too cognitively impaired to serve out her term As Feinstein's mental competency declines, many have suggested that she retire. "She's done enough, let her retire with dignity and not make a fool of herself like President Biden is doing," seems to be a common sentiment.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) disagrees. "Serving in Congress is not that difficult. It's not like we have to read the bills we vote on. They're all too long and convoluted for anyone to understand anyway. The only crucial capability needed is to vote for the Party's agenda. If a person can say 'aye' or 'nay' at the proper times they're perfectly fit to serve. It's only when a person tries to elaborate, like President Biden does, that they give people the impression that they aren't up to the job. The President would be better off just signing the papers put in front of him and not try to explain anything."

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