My heart skips a few beats as I try to gain my wits. Am I dead? Is
this the afterlife? Gradually, I begin to realize the gun did not fire
even though the hammer slammed forward. I franticly eject the round
from the chamber, place the gun back into its box, and return it to the
closet.
This haunting scene occurred on the afternoon of February 3rd. I was
at rock bottom. I have been suffering from debilitating anxiety and
depression since leaving the military over three years ago. For most of
this time I would self-medicate the pain with alcohol. It seemed to
efficiently numb my angst until I was busted for DWI last June. Sitting
in jail for 48 hours resulted in a successful detox. Upon seeing the
judge, I pled guilty and received probation. This meant no more
drinking, no more self-medicating.
For the next six months I did what was required of me. I went to
numerous substance abuse classes and group meetings. I paid my fine in
full. I even had an ignition interlock installed in my truck. However,
the sobriety came with unrestrained PTSD symptoms.
1 Comments in Response to The gun didn't fire!
From the article: "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG! Suicide is a TEMPORARY solution. And it will only last for an instant.
The next thing you will see, after your successful suicide, is Jesus calling you out of the grave, or reassembling your component atoms from all the corners of the globe - or the universe - to which you might have been blown. Then you will have to answer for MURDER. And it will be the murder of yourself.
The judgement done by God, that follows, will be what is permanent.