Right-to-Work
Passes in Michigan, Violence Feared
This week
the Michigan legislature passed a “right-to-work” law making the
state the 24th to allow workers to abstain from joining a
union without losing their jobs. Opponents of the new law are
incensed.
Jimmy
Hoffa, Jr., president of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters,
predicted “civil war.” “What we have here is a betrayal of
democracy,” Hoffa claimed. “This law will allow workers to
decline becoming members of a union even if the majority of their
fellow employees vote that they should join the union. It puts
individual rights ahead of the collective right to compel everyone to
participate.”
Hoffa
denied that the democratically elected legislature and governor might
be carrying out the will of the people. “I don't think those that
voted for these Republicans knew that they could be forfeiting their
freedom to force others to join a company union,” Hoffa argued.
Michigan
state Representative Douglas Geiss (D-Taylor) agreed with Hoffa's
assessment saying “there will be blood. There will be
repercussions! The right of unions to take action to protect their
interests is sanctioned by our laws.” Geiss is believed to have
been referring to the 1973 Supreme Court finding in United States v.
Enmons that violent acts in pursuit of a legitimate union objective
are immune from federal prosecution.
President
Obama did his best to stoke the fires of resentment by miscasting the
legislation as “taking away the right to bargain for better wages.”
Press Secretary Jay Carney explained that “right-to-work laws
undermine the united front image that gives unions extra muscle when
it comes to negotiating with management. Granting individual workers
the freedom to not join a union negates the freedom of the majority
of workers to coerce the minority into joining. The President feels
that when there are disagreements the freedom of the majority trumps
the freedom of the minority. That's what democracy is all about.”
Intoxicated
Auto Workers Reinstated
Chrysler
was forced to reinstate 13 assembly line workers fired two years ago
when a TV news crew caught them drinking and smoking pot on the job
at the company's Jefferson North Assembly Plant in Detroit.
“First
of all, the filming was an invasion of these employees' privacy,”
arbitrator Justin Moran ruled. “Second, since the film showed no
evidence that the accused were actually working on assembling
vehicles at the time, the company's prohibition against 'drinking on
the job' could not be proved to have been violated. Consequently, the
company's argument that the firing was justified because intoxicated
employees could compromise the quality of the product and the safety
of the work environment must be rejected.”
Reinstated
20-year veteran employee William Leech was especially appreciative of
the ruling. “My lawyer tells me that we can now go forward with my
disability claim for the injury I suffered at the plant that day,”
Leech bragged. “I'm hoping that I will finally be relieved of the
drudgery of punching a time clock five days a week. Some of the other
guys are jealous. They call me lucky. But I like to think of myself
as smart.”
Leech
is reported to be under consideration for a Presidential Medal of
Freedom Award. White House Chief of Staff Jack Lew explained that
“Leech is an exemplar of the type of transformation President Obama
is striving to bring to this country. His story is one that can
inspire others who are also trapped in wage slavery to believe that
they too, by dint of their own ingenuity, can achieve true freedom.”
Bureaucrats
Disdain Hard Work Because They Are “Unselfish”
A
report written by Andrew Biggs of the American Enterprise Institute
and Jason Richwine of the Heritage Foundation revealed that public
sector employees work less yet get paid more than their private
sector counterparts. The study found that during a typical workweek,
private-sector employees worked 41.4 hours, while federal workers put
in 38.7 hours and state and local government employees 38.1 hours.
Critics of government are apt to view the study as a confirmation of
the relative inefficiency of government.
“Any
suggestion that this demonstrates there is government waste is
totally off base,” insisted Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid
(D-Nev). “Those that suggest this think every person on the job
ought to go all out. What they overlook is the egregious selfishness
that would represent. If one person does more than the average output
that means there is less opportunity for another person to be hired.
By constraining their individual effort government workers are
saving work for others to do, in effect, they are creating more jobs.
All this study has proven is that government workers have a greater
social conscience.”
Reid
didn't dispute that federal bureaucrats took home more pay per hour
than similarly employed private sector workers, but declared that
“its only logical that those employed by the biggest organization
would get bigger paychecks. Let's not forget that the federal
government has over 300 million people who depend on it. The tasks
associated with ruling them and tending to their needs are inherently
more important than the tasks performed by any private company in the
world. Those doing these tasks deserve to be paid more.”
The
Senator contended that “high salaries also act as a deterrent to
theft. The temptations that government employees face are enormous.
Billions of dollars are at risk. If employees feel they are under
compensated they'll be more likely to help themselves to some of this
money. I mean, heaven knows there's no way we can properly oversee
all this spending. Adequately compensating them is our best bet for
keeping them honest.”
Congresswoman
Hopeful that Connecticut School Massacre Will Lead to Gun Control
Friday's
murder spree at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut
took the lives of 28 people and has already sparked calls for tighter
gun control.
Representative
Carolyn McCarthy (D-NY) characterized the slayings as “a very
fortuitous event for those of us determined to disarm the general
public. The fact that so many of the victims were young children
should go a long way toward softening up the opposition of the right
wing gun nuts who have blocked constructive measures against this
much needed action.”
The
ineffectiveness of current laws banning weapons in public schools
failed to stem McCarthy's hopes. “Just because existing laws
haven't proved sufficient doesn't mean we don't need more of them,”
McCarthy argued. “At the very least adding another illegal weapons
possession charge to the indictment of the perpetrators of these
heinous crimes has got to have some deterrent effect.”
“It's
long past the time that we recognize that the ancient rationale for
private gun ownership is no longer relevant,” the Representative
said. “People don't need to personally hunt for food. There are no
Indians on the rampage in our towns. The skills our ancestors had
with firearms have atrophied in our modern world.”
“America
would be a much safer place if only government personnel were allowed
to carry guns,” McCarthy maintained. “As history has shown in
other countries, concentrating the firepower in the hands of well
trained police and military personnel is more conducive to securing a
peaceful environment for everyone to enjoy.”
NBC
News Anchor Wishes Obama Were Dictator
During
an interview with Apple CEO Tim Cook, NBC News anchorman Brian
Williams opined that “the country might be better off if President
Obama could simply order businesses to carry out his economic
vision.”
“The
market system is so chaotic and uncoordinated,” Williams
complained. “Every firm, every decision-maker is left free to do as
he deems best. Wouldn't it make more sense to have one person issue
the marching orders for all? That way they'd all be working on the
same plan rather than wasting resources clashing with each other.”
Citing
the Affordable Health Care Act as an example of what he has in mind,
Williams asked “If the government can force everyone to purchase
health insurance why can't it force every business to manufacture all
of its products in America? Think of the money that could be saved on
transportation from not having to import anything, the time saved
from not having to make decisions, and the jobs created.”
Williams
assured that he personally wouldn't have any trouble following
dictates from Obama because “I can't imagine that he would ever
lead us astray. In the four years he's been President I don't think
he's made a single misstep. I am supremely confident of his
leadership.”
Senator
Questions Homeland Security Spending
Senator
Tom Coburn (R-Okla) charged that the Department of Homeland Security
has squandered huge sums in its Urban Area Security Initiative grant
program. Included in his list of dubious outlays were funds used to
buy sno-cone machines in Michigan, a video produced by the City of
Jacksonville, Florida warning residents to be wary of people with
above average intelligence, and travel to posh resorts for “security
training” conferences.
Homeland
Security Secretary Janet Napolitano defended her agency and
maintained that “the Senator's understanding of security matters is
deficient. We carefully consider each grant request. We wouldn't
approve any spending that wasn't warranted.”
“Considering
the specific items he cited, it is our opinion that the sno-cone
machines contributed to boosting morale among the state's law
enforcement officials,” she contended. “Jacksonville's warning
was apt since highly intelligent criminals can plan large and
complex terror operations. And holding training sessions at five-star
resorts encourages higher attendance.”
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