SNAP Scandal Wastes Billions

The government shutdown that caused an interruption in the payment of Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) benefits also revealed some disturbing aspects of the program. The most immediate impact was the outpouring of complaints from some recipients asserting their right to steal the food that they had previously bought with the federal aid they had been receiving. Some of these protests were selfie videos of grossly obese beneficiaries. This suggests that SNAP money is not staving off starvation, but is fueling unhealthy eating. Receipts indicate that 20% of the SNAP money is spent on soda, candy, and salty snacks.

Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins reports that "an examination of how the SNAP benefits were administered during the Biden Administration showed that 186,000 dead people have been receiving benefits, duplicate benefits have been sent to 500,000 individuals, 1.5 million illegal immigrants have been receiving benefits, and the part-time work requirement for able-bodied recipients were not enforced. Light has now been shined one of the most corrupt and dysfunctional programs in American history."

"Earlier this year we asked each of the 50 states for data on how many ineligible persons were receiving benefits," Rollins said. "Only 29 states honored our request. Twenty-one states controlled by Democrats refused to submit any data on the grounds that since the law forbids illegal immigrants from receiving SNAP benefits an honest reply would amount to the kind of self incrimination prohibited by the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution."

"Can you imagine when we get our hands on the blue state data, what we're going to find?" Rollins asked. "The lawless and incompetent waste of the taxpayers' money has got to be stopped. We think the best way to accomplish this is to require everyone to periodically reapply for their benefits, meet the work requirement where applicable, and make sure that everyone that's taking a taxpayer-funded benefit through SNAP or food stamps, literally can't survive without it."

Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt) challenged Rollins, saying "the Democrats' sweep of the November 4 election shows that the American people want us to stand against Trump's war against the needy. No one should be forced to work if they don't want to. The majority of voters want the total equality that only socialism can deliver. That is where Democrats are going to take them."

In other rotten database news, Michigan's voter rolls contain nine active voters born between 1850 and 1898. In this year's election some of them are recorded as having voted in person. Others as having cast mail-in ballots. In as much as the 115 year-old Naomi Whitehead is recognized as the oldest person living in the United States, this turnout of Michigan oldsters to vote is unbelievably remarkable.

BBC Explains Butchering Trump's January 6, 2021 Speech

With President Trump threatening to sue the British Broadcasting Company (BBC) for $1 trillion for editing his January 6, 2021 speech to make it appear that he was urging his followers to "march to the Capitol and fight like hell," BBC chair Samir Shah explained "it was all an honest mistake that we should not be held accountable for."

"First, let me point out that these words attributed to Trump are actual words he has said in public," Shah said. "It's not like we made them up out of thin air. Second, the meme that has been pretty universally shared by all mainstream media around the world is that Trump instigated the violence that occurred at the Capitol on that day can't just be a coincidence. Third, the US House of Representatives took the unprecedented step of impeaching Trump for instigating the violence after he was out-of-office. So, even if Trump's words on that day cannot be conclusively shown to have been intended to instigate violence every important person seems to believe that he had intended just that."

"It would be manifestly unfair to single out the BBC for blame in this so-called misunderstanding," Shah added. "After all, our so-called mistake occurred four years later and more than 3,000 miles from where the Capitol violence took place. It seems to me, that the closer to home American media and the US Democratic Party played a much larger and more relevant role in the alleged misunderstanding that President Trump complains about. Until these obviously more guilty parties are held to account it would be unjust for the BBC to have to pay Trump any compensation."

Zeev Avrahami, a reporter for ynetglobal, called the BBC's response "lame. The network's broadcast of a documentary titled Donald Trump: A Second Chance? misled the public about Trump. It deceived viewers who had always regarded it as a reliable source of news. However, the Trump episode was only the latest lie. In recent years, the network has repeatedly eroded its own credibility. During the war in Gaza, the BBC was caught distorting coverage and embedding a clear anti-Israel line. It has also happened in one-sided coverage of transgender issues, climate policy, immigration, and the rise of the far right in Britain. The problem is that it always bent the truth to fit the agenda it had chosen."

Swalwell Vows Vengeance

Buoyed by his Party's success in the recent election, Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif) told Symone Sanders, co-host for MSNBC's The Weeknight, "we will win the mid-term elections next November. When we are a majority in both the House and Senate we will put a stop to the Republicans' frivolous investigations of past alleged misdeeds by Democrats and plunge into Democrat investigations of current crimes being committed by Trump and his minions. On January 3, 2027 we will introduce impeachment resolutions against Trump, Vance, and every member of the Cabinet. Criminal charges will be brought against all of them who do not immediately resign. Every policy Trump has initiated will be reversed."

Sanders asked "how will you be able to accomplish all this? Aren't you facing possible criminal charges for mortgage fraud? You list your home in Washington as your principal residence and show no residence in your California Congressional District. How can you be sure you'll still be in Congress?"

"I have a motel room where live in my district when I have to be in California, but I keep it confidential so Trump's thugs can't find it and murder me," the Representative replied. "I'm hoping the court will understand my dilemma and dismiss the mortgage fraud charges."

"If there were a plan to murder you couldn't they just do it wherever and whenever you come from or go to your home in DC?" Sanders wondered.

"Well, that's one of the reasons I might run for governor in California," Swalwell said. "My friends say I'd be the ideal replacement for Gov. Newsom who is term-limited out-of-office. And the current front-runner Katie Porter is such a bitch that I ought to run just to save California from having such a nasty chief executive."

Federal Housing Finance Agency (FHFA) Director William Pulte pointed out that "Article I, Section 2 of the US Constitution says members of Congress are required to be inhabitants of the state they represent at the time of their election. Presumably, such an inhabitance would be the congressman's principal residence."

Swalwell argued that "as long as I am residing in California on election day I have met the Constitution's requirement. It doesn't say it has to be my principal residence. From a practical standpoint, since my place of employment is at the Nation's Capitol it is logical that my home there would be my principal residence. In my mind, the whole 'inhabitant of the state I represent' thing is obsolete. It may have made sense when Congress only met for a couple of months once each year. Now we meet year-round in DC with a just few breaks during the year and we aren't specifically required to visit the state we represent during these breaks."

Speaking of where people want to live, 40% of American women aged 15-44 say they would move to another country if they could. President Trump is reported to be considering whether to offer them assistance. "I like it when people are happy," Trump said. "Helping some of the disgruntled to leave would increase the average level of happiness in America. If they're willing to renounce their US citizenship I think we can make a deal that will benefit all parties."

Secretary Noem Touts "Operation Dirtbag"

Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem announced that efforts to nab illegal alien sex offenders have resulted in the apprehension of 230 foreigners accused of a variety of crimes including child molestation, sexual assault, drug offenses and murder.

"This operation was called Operation Criminal Return," Noem said. "But I call it Operation Dirtbag because the specific targeted individuals are sex offenders, many of whose victims were children. These individuals should have never been in our country to begin with. These individuals will be gone off of our streets and kids will be safer."

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass) objected, saying "Noem is rushing to judgment. These are accused, not convicted criminals. They should be allowed to remain free while awaiting trial. President Biden's policy was to let them go free as long as they promised to regularly check in with the smart phones he gave them. In Chicago, US District Judge Jeffrey Cummings just ordered the 3,000 immigrants arrested by ICE in 'Operation Midway Blitz' to be set free."

Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker (D) hailed the "set free order" and called President Trump "demented for targeting our City in the first place."

Noem criticized Pritzker's "personal attacks that are putting the citizens of Chicago in jeopardy. A byproduct of the ICE enforcement action has been a 41% decline in robberies and a 35% drop in shootings. We hope to replicate these kinds of results in other so-called sanctuary cities and states."

Mayor Won't Allow Private Grocery Stores To Close

Seattle's Mayor-elect Katie Wilson declared that "access to affordable, healthy food is a basic right. We cannot allow giant grocery chains to stomp all over our communities and close stores that will leave behind food deserts. Together, we can build a Seattle where fresh food is for everyone, not just for those who can afford it. Food deserts are not natural, supermarkets create them when they abandon our communities. We need to require these food vendors to give 90 days advance notice for mass layoffs and fair severance pay for laid off workers."

"If too many privately owned food vendors close we will have to provide a publicly-owned alternative," she added. "To help ensure that folks who can't afford to live here get the government aid they need to live here I will appoint members to my cabinet who are Black, Indigenous, Hispanic, Latinx, LGBTQ, and Asian. In other words, people who are committed to diversity equity and inclusion. We will remain a sanctuary city where the tired, poor, and work-averse foreigners can live without the fear or stress of having to support themselves."

Warned that her proposed policies might inspire an exodus of profit-making businesses and self-supporting taxpayers, Wilson expressed confidence that "the citizens who elected me will support the woke agenda I am prepared to carry out. Otherwise, they would've voted for my opponent."